Going to my SIL for second days

amother

Raspberry

Thu, Oct 05 2023, 8:53 am

amother Snowflake wrote:

I know everyone is gonna say that I shouldn't be a guest but BH I have a bunch of little kids and when I come to my inlaws it's really hard to be on top of them the whole time.. husband in shul and I'm nursing.. trying to put some kids for naps, I literally cannot keep up with cleaning everything every second. At home when I finish putting the kids down I clean off the food, toys etc.
Of course me and my husband help as much during meals etc, strip linens but other things are really hard on me

IMO going to parents is different than going to siblings or friends.

amother

Cadetblue

Thu, Oct 05 2023, 9:23 am

I had a guest with a family of boys. They were not particularly neat when using the bathroom, if you get my drift. It was gross. I wish she would have been on top of cleaning up after them. If you have a young child, or a child of any age who cannot leave the bathroom clean, please clean up after them. And make sure they wash their hands.

amother

Jetblack

Thu, Oct 05 2023, 12:00 pm

amother Raspberry wrote:

Everyone here saying to strip linen - I had guest do that without asking and I was very upset. My cleaning lady comes at the end of the week and she does linen so it was just sitting around on the floor all week. Do make the beds. I had guests leave the blankets rumpled and hanging down to the floor.
My guests slept in every morning and then took a nap every afternoon leaving me to deal with their rather annoying toddler after I did ALL of the cooking, cleaning, serving, clearing. They commented on my parenting/ mood/ etc. They/ their kids damaged or dirtied things.
OP, just behave the way you would want your guests to behave. And definitely don't come empty handed. Bring a gift or a toy for the kids or whatever.

That's why it's important to OFFER to strip the linen.
I always offer.
Not all my hosts have cleaning help.

If they say they have cleaning help, I make the beds.
If they say thank you it's not necessary you don't have to I will.
If they say no its not necessary ill do it later (a sister of mine 😆) ill strip it because I know her and I know she'll do It at midnight.

I'm also a terrible guest at MIL because I can't handle what I see in the kitchen, and If I go into the kitchen I can't eat, which hurts her. She would also be hurt if I don't come at all. So I choose not to be helpful with serving and clearing, throw the tomatoes... but I really don't have an option not to come, dh/mil wouldn't hear of it.

Also, OP, if you are coming from overseas and can't cook at home, you can definitely offer to cook once your there.
I do it at my sister's and SIL.
Some would only take a offer to make a salad, some let make full sides - use any ingredients.
(MIL doesn't let me into her kitchen)

amother

White

Thu, Oct 05 2023, 12:50 pm

A few years ago one summer I hosted my sister in law with 5 kids for 2 weeks. I am still traumatized. This is what you shouldnt do:
1) Keep looking in the fridge for specific fruit/ veggies for a picky eater. I kept feeling horrible every time she wanted something I didnt have.
2) If you do buy a specfic food item buy enough for my kids too if you put it in the fridge. Please dont just buy 1 or 2.
3) She kept doing a million loads and hung basically everything and kept saying how the laundry stinks. I took this personally.
4) If you tell me youre invited out for dinner but then come back starving pls dont empty out my fridge/warm up food bec thats my supper you just ate.
5) Pls dont send a hostess gift 2 weeks after you left. I was horrified that she would leave without even something small.

I cant remember who I vented this to in real life (prob a sil I am close with) and it got back to her and she was hurt. Well guess what? I had to apologize and we are not on good terms now..like I am never staying at her place and she wont either at my place..
So please keep the above in mind..