Should kids be encouraged to be nosei ol

farm

Wed, Oct 11 2023, 12:20 am

mommy3b2c wrote:

That sounds really bizarre to me . Encourage tehillim, mitzvos , being kind to others . No snacks ?? Scratching Head

I encourage you to watch rabbi Bender’s short message, posted above.
Does the idea make more sense now?

amother

NeonGreen

Wed, Oct 11 2023, 12:20 am

amother Blushpink wrote:

I don't make my kids have less snacks in the 3 weeks either.... to kids, this feels like a punishment & doesn't have anything to do with the situation in Israel.

That's how kids see it. This can wreck their mental health, chas v'shalom.

Cheiny

Wed, Oct 11 2023, 12:21 am

amother OP wrote:

I am hearing speeches from rabbi in saying that we should encourage kids to abstain from treats or take on more davening due to the situation. I’m wondering how much this should be encouraged and other people’s opinions if this leads to more anxiety.

Rabbi Bender said it should be age appropriate, not for very young children.

amother

Honeysuckle

Wed, Oct 11 2023, 12:47 am

I struggled with this, I usually try to shield my son and protect his innocence, but I did tell him that I was cancelling our planned trip for today, because of what is happening in Israel. He was upset about it. But he is 14 and I just felt that it's not too young to teach empathy for our fellow yidden. It just doesnt feel right to be going on fun outings right now.
I dunno, did I do the right thing? am I placing too much of a burden on him?

amother

DarkPurple

Wed, Oct 11 2023, 11:06 am

mommy3b2c wrote:

That sounds really bizarre to me . Encourage tehillim, mitzvos , being kind to others . No snacks ?? Scratching Head

Yes, the same as we don't have ice cream in the 9 days.
We do not treat ourselves, when others are in pain. It's part of nosei b'ol. If someone's husband was on his deathbed would they treat themselves? most likely not, as they would not be in the mood. So even if we do not FEEL that way, we do things so that we show that we feel that way. It is a central part of yiddishkeit. It is unkind to treat oneself, when our brothers and sisters are in pain. It is part of showing sensitivity. Even if you do not feel it. My children as young as 6 can understand this concept, I am sure you can too, if you think about it, from a different angle that you are used to thinking about it. It does not lead to anxiety, it leads to sensitivity.

amother

DarkPurple

Wed, Oct 11 2023, 11:09 am

amother Honeysuckle wrote:

You did the correct thing. Have confidence. You are showing that you care. Klal Yisroel can not go on as normal. We need to feel it. When my children complain during the 9 days that they can't have ice cream from the ice cream truck, I ask them, do you care? does it make you a bit sad? And they reply "yes." And I say, I know, and Hashem is in constant pain, since His Shechina is in galus, it is good to feel sad sometimes. This is the time to be a sad time, and it is good to feel sad with Hashem.

amother

Blushpink

Wed, Oct 11 2023, 11:11 am

amother DarkPurple wrote:

Wether it causes sensitivity or anxiety, really depends on the age of the child. If I tell my young kids no ices in the 9 days, then they'd scream and tantrum & it's a punishment for them. It means they're too young to grasp the situation and understand the connection. If you tell a young kid that they can't have their usual amount of snack because of the war, & they know that war is scary, then it may just cause anxiety and a feeling of being punished.

amother

Blushpink

Wed, Oct 11 2023, 11:14 am

amother DarkPurple wrote:

I don't agree with this approach for young children.

amother

Clematis

Wed, Oct 11 2023, 11:22 am

amother Dodgerblue wrote:

I think it’s ok for *us* to have less gashmius in some area and share that with them. Be the model for when they’re older.
Let’s put our money where our mouth is.
I was so touched by Hodeez post about cutting nails short on motzei chag I’d share that with my kids. So impactful.

What’s the inyun?

amother

Dodgerblue

Wed, Oct 11 2023, 11:26 am

amother Clematis wrote:

What’s the inyun?

hahaha oish I hope this isn’t going to cause misunderstanding. Sorry No inyan.
A poster wrote that she doesn’t want to be busy with gashmius now and took off her nail polish and cut her nails short. That touched me. Felt real and practical.

amother

Clover

Wed, Oct 11 2023, 11:26 am

I think kids should be nosei ol but in a different way.

We are not in a time of mourning now. We are in the middle of a war. We will stop to mourn after it is over. Right now we need to participate by helping the fight, not being sad.

Our kids should know that the learning and davening of children is powerful and will help the war.

They should give of their own free time to say Tehillim.
Learn an extracurricular subject.
Memorize Mishnayos or pesukim.
Give each child a name of a soldier to daven for in Shema Koleinu.
Listen to stories of the Torah or of Emunah instead of entertainment or music.
Give of their own money to a tzedakah supporting Eretz Yisrael.

They should be part of the war effort, on the side of Torah and kedusha.

mommy3b2c

Wed, Oct 11 2023, 11:28 am

amother DarkPurple wrote:

We eat ice cream in the nine days …

Sorry , but I don’t agree with this for children. I encourage my 8 year old to Daven and do mitzvos and act is Chesed . I don’t take away his snacks .

tichellady

Wed, Oct 11 2023, 11:30 am

I don’t find this idea compelling but we all have different things that we find moving and work for our families. I am personally trying especially hard to take care of myself right now. Not indulging in luxuries, but prioritizing my emotional and physical health

amother

Blushpink

Wed, Oct 11 2023, 11:33 am

amother Clover wrote:

This. At a time of war, torah and tefillah is the most powerful weapon.
In the times of the Jewish kings, when the jews went to war, for every jew that went to battle, another jew was sent to learn torah round the clock. Because torah is the strongest ammunition.
It's not a time to deprive our kids & make them feel sad, scared & punished. It's a time to daven, say tehillim, and learn, while keeping our morale up. This is nosei b'ol. Being anxious & scared, is physiological warfare & part of terrorism agenda. Let's show them that they can't break our spirits.

amother

NeonGreen

Wed, Oct 11 2023, 11:41 am

amother DarkPurple wrote:

Yes they might? And their friends and family might encourage that as well to comfort them?

amother

Clematis

Wed, Oct 11 2023, 11:49 am

amother Dodgerblue wrote:

Hear that. That makes sense.

amother

Snapdragon

Wed, Oct 11 2023, 12:33 pm

I think as other posters have said it depends on the age of your child. My children's school put out that we should be carrying on as normal for the sake of the children. They don't need to be traumatized and made to be anxious, even if we as parents may be feeling anxious.