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amother
OP
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Wed, Oct 18 2023, 9:09 pm
Didnt want to be left out of AMA trend..... My father is not really chassidish (ffb european who grew up in public school and ended in ponovizh yeshiva) and I married ultra chassidish, boro park born and bread boy (though full disclosure: some consider my in law family 'out of the box')
AMA
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amother
Olive
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Wed, Oct 18 2023, 9:14 pm
Does it ever cause shalom bayis problems or problems between you and your in laws?
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amother
Maize
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Wed, Oct 18 2023, 9:19 pm
What type of household do you have? Your kids go to the traditional mosdos?
Did you have a lot of adjustments to minhagim? Hechsherim, no zman tefillah, mincha a minute before maariv?
Do you feel excluted from the community in terms of dressing?
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amother
DarkGray
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Wed, Oct 18 2023, 9:19 pm
That makes your kids a mixed breed, no? Not you.
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amother
OP
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Wed, Oct 18 2023, 9:20 pm
It sure does! Not only between us and inlaws, even between me and DH (thank g-d we have a great marriage)
There are so so many things we do different. Especially when it comes to yom tov etc
And there are many nuances I don't get, because of the way I was raised, which are de facto for hub and his family.
I always feel like there are so many Unwritten rules and wherever I go I might just bump into an issue
But my way of dealing with it is just keeping it light and making a joke out of it. It usually works
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amother
Dill
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Wed, Oct 18 2023, 9:27 pm
Correctm marrying won't change your breed/breeding. But OPs kids will be mixed.
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amother
OP
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Wed, Oct 18 2023, 9:31 pm
amother Maize wrote: | What type of household do you have? Your kids go to the traditional mosdos?
Did you have a lot of adjustments to minhagim? Hechsherim, no zman tefillah, mincha a minute before maariv?
Do you feel excluted from the community in terms of dressing? |
my kids go to the school of the chassidus my hub belongs to. The adjustments were, and still are, huge. We bh married a decade +
Hechsheirim- the deal is hub is makpid but lets me eat my stuff...
No zman tfila - im still biting my tongue too often...
I feel excluded in more ways then some - dress, acceptable standards etc
It seems they all share a common denominator that I missed... But credit to them, they try to include me.
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amother
Nemesia
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Thu, Oct 19 2023, 9:37 am
amother OP wrote: | Didnt want to be left out of AMA trend..... My father is not really chassidish (ffb european who grew up in public school and ended in ponovizh yeshiva) and I married ultra chassidish, boro park born and bread boy (though full disclosure: some consider my in law family 'out of the box')
AMA |
What’s your headgear?
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amother
Calendula
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Thu, Oct 19 2023, 12:16 pm
Why did you marry someone from such a different background than you?
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amother
Royalblue
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Thu, Oct 19 2023, 12:27 pm
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lamplighter
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Thu, Oct 19 2023, 12:47 pm
How did the shidduch come to be?
I wouldn't consider this mixed breed.
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amother
OP
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Thu, Oct 19 2023, 4:02 pm
Op here
I wear a regular human hair stylish shoulder length sheitel, and don't shave
Why I went in this direction;
I'm a deep thinker, I need a strong sense of connection
I found it in my upbringing we never had that as my father was always picking and choosing where he was going and whom he was following
He did have one rosh yeshiva whos word was the final word, but we never really had a stable sense of belonging or derech, and it bothered me very much ALWAYS
I had a summer job somewhere, and one of the participants was a niece of my husband's, and she facilitated our shidduch.
He was unique in his community and considered 'openminded' and 'not the typical' and so it came to be
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amother
Nemesia
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Thu, Oct 19 2023, 4:06 pm
amother OP wrote: | Op here
I wear a regular human hair stylish shoulder length sheitel, and don't shave
Why I went in this direction;
I'm a deep thinker, I need a strong sense of connection
I found it in my upbringing we never had that as my father was always picking and choosing where he was going and whom he was following
He did have one rosh yeshiva whos word was the final word, but we never really had a stable sense of belonging or derech, and it bothered me very much ALWAYS
I had a summer job somewhere, and one of the participants was a niece of my husband's, and she facilitated our shidduch.
He was unique in his community and considered 'openminded' and 'not the typical' and so it came to be |
Your husbands family wears open shaitelech also?
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amother
Peachpuff
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Thu, Oct 19 2023, 4:14 pm
You mean uncovered. Open doesn't mean anything.
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amother
Peachpuff
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Thu, Oct 19 2023, 4:14 pm
amother OP wrote: | Op here
I wear a regular human hair stylish shoulder length sheitel, and don't shave
Why I went in this direction;
I'm a deep thinker, I need a strong sense of connection
I found it in my upbringing we never had that as my father was always picking and choosing where he was going and whom he was following
He did have one rosh yeshiva whos word was the final word, but we never really had a stable sense of belonging or derech, and it bothered me very much ALWAYS
I had a summer job somewhere, and one of the participants was a niece of my husband's, and she facilitated our shidduch.
He was unique in his community and considered 'openminded' and 'not the typical' and so it came to be |
What chassidus does your husband belong to?
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amother
OP
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Thu, Oct 19 2023, 7:02 pm
My husbands family is a mix, 50% cover 50% not
His mother doesnt
I am deff the 'modern one', longer wig then them and black tights and trendier
Will not say which chassidus for privacy, but a very mainstream one
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brooklyn11211
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Fri, Oct 20 2023, 10:10 am
Does his family shave? was it disucssed at all before the shiddich?
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amother
OP
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Fri, Oct 20 2023, 2:09 pm
Hubs mom shaves, from the kids some do and some do a short cropped haircut
It was asked at the shidduch, and I quote 'my son doesn't need a girl with a ponytail under her wig'
turns out her son like the ponytail very much....
I dont wear a white tichel on my wig friday night and they all do, only feels awkward at simchas
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