Im a mixed breed, AMA

amother

Wed, Oct 18 2023, 6:09 pm

Didnt want to be left out of AMA trend..... My father is not really chassidish (ffb european who grew up in public school and ended in ponovizh yeshiva) and I married ultra chassidish, boro park born and bread boy (though full disclosure: some consider my in law family 'out of the box')
AMA

amother

Maize

Wed, Oct 18 2023, 6:19 pm

What type of household do you have? Your kids go to the traditional mosdos?
Did you have a lot of adjustments to minhagim? Hechsherim, no zman tefillah, mincha a minute before maariv?
Do you feel excluted from the community in terms of dressing?

amother

Wed, Oct 18 2023, 6:20 pm

It sure does! Not only between us and inlaws, even between me and DH (thank g-d we have a great marriage)
There are so so many things we do different. Especially when it comes to yom tov etc
And there are many nuances I don't get, because of the way I was raised, which are de facto for hub and his family.
I always feel like there are so many Unwritten rules and wherever I go I might just bump into an issue
But my way of dealing with it is just keeping it light and making a joke out of it. It usually works

amother

Dill

Wed, Oct 18 2023, 6:27 pm

amother DarkGray wrote:

That makes your kids a mixed breed, no? Not you.

Correctm marrying won't change your breed/breeding. But OPs kids will be mixed. Smile

amother

Wed, Oct 18 2023, 6:31 pm

amother Maize wrote:

my kids go to the school of the chassidus my hub belongs to. The adjustments were, and still are, huge. We bh married a decade +
Hechsheirim- the deal is hub is makpid but lets me eat my stuff...
No zman tfila - im still biting my tongue too often...

I feel excluded in more ways then some - dress, acceptable standards etc
It seems they all share a common denominator that I missed... But credit to them, they try to include me.

amother

Nemesia

Thu, Oct 19 2023, 6:37 am

amother OP wrote:

What’s your headgear?

amother

Thu, Oct 19 2023, 1:02 pm

Op here
I wear a regular human hair stylish shoulder length sheitel, and don't shave

Why I went in this direction;
I'm a deep thinker, I need a strong sense of connection
I found it in my upbringing we never had that as my father was always picking and choosing where he was going and whom he was following
He did have one rosh yeshiva whos word was the final word, but we never really had a stable sense of belonging or derech, and it bothered me very much ALWAYS
I had a summer job somewhere, and one of the participants was a niece of my husband's, and she facilitated our shidduch.
He was unique in his community and considered 'openminded' and 'not the typical' and so it came to be

amother

Nemesia

Thu, Oct 19 2023, 1:06 pm

amother OP wrote:

Your husbands family wears open shaitelech also?

amother

Peachpuff

Thu, Oct 19 2023, 1:14 pm

amother Nemesia wrote:

Your husbands family wears open shaitelech also?

You mean uncovered. Open doesn't mean anything.

amother

Peachpuff

Thu, Oct 19 2023, 1:14 pm

amother OP wrote:

What chassidus does your husband belong to?

amother

Thu, Oct 19 2023, 4:02 pm

My husbands family is a mix, 50% cover 50% not
His mother doesnt
I am deff the 'modern one', longer wig then them and black tights and trendier
Will not say which chassidus for privacy, but a very mainstream one

amother

Fri, Oct 20 2023, 11:09 am

Hubs mom shaves, from the kids some do and some do a short cropped haircut
It was asked at the shidduch, and I quote 'my son doesn't need a girl with a ponytail under her wig'
turns out her son like the ponytail very much....
I dont wear a white tichel on my wig friday night and they all do, only feels awkward at simchas