Would you homeschool a 13 yr old Boy?

amother

Lightcyan

Wed, Dec 20 2023, 10:44 am

I wouldn't. I think the social is so important especially because you say he can't get it at home.

I would work to change my attitude and by extension his. I would work to laugh it off and not take it seriously. I would help him to learn to laugh at it and not internalize it when he gets kicked out for stupid things. I am VERY for respecting teachers. But I am NOT for respecting teachers who cannot respect their students. I would tell him that he cannot behave rudely or say rude things to the teacher, but I would make sure he knows that I support him and think the teacher is crazy when he gets kicked out for stupid things. I would also make it a conversation at home so that he should know he is being supported and justified for feeling wronged. But I wouldn't take away his friends. That is worse. In that regard, parents are not enough and an adult learning with him is not enough. He needs peers.

#BestBubby

Thu, Dec 21 2023, 4:50 pm

It sounds like your son wants to stay in school for his social life.

To a teen friends are everything.

To help your son cope I would talk to him like this.

What your rebeim are doing is wrong.
Even our Rov said so.

I'm yirtza Hashem, next year you will have better rebeim.

Just do your best and know Mommy and Totty are on your side.

As a reward for coping with a difficult situation,
Every week we will treat you and a friend

To pizza, bowling, or ice cream.

#BestBubby

Thu, Dec 21 2023, 4:54 pm

Also if you pull him out, he will have extremely hard time getting into a decent yeshiva.

Yeshivas may think your DS was kicked out, is OTD or a troubkemaker.

It's not fair, but you have to be realistic.

Hashem should bless your son with great rebeim and great friends in the upcoming years.

amother

Cyan

Thu, Dec 21 2023, 5:11 pm

He's there until 6pm with all kodesh, at age 13? And he has difficulty with gemara? Oy.

Ok- I would try to adapt the school day. Is the gemara tutor available during any part of the school day? Can the tutor go to the schooland do pullouts for him? Can you do transportation that doesn't involve the bus?

I wouldn't be surprised in ds is in fact taking excessively long breaks, and maybe not going straight to davebing or class when his bus is late. If it's a lot for him, that's what a lot of people will do (not just kids- adults too.) He may be not telling you, or not aware that's what he's doing. If he has adhd or something like it, he may have zero concept of how long he has been out.

Can you talk to your rav about working with the school to either adapt in a way that might actually make their lives easier (pullouts they aren't responsible for) ordinding a good alternate? And once he's into mesivta, you can reconsider- though the socoal factor is big. Also, make sure your family eav is active in the mesivta placement journey, both in looking for schools and in liasing with them. Have the tutor on the application as well and have him involved. You need people to balance out what school will say (they will talk to the school even if you pull him out now.)

amother

Seagreen

Thu, Dec 21 2023, 6:04 pm

amother Purple wrote:

Would you check out an online school option?
The Jewish online school offers classes and tutoring options.

Might work for op, but in my personal experience, online school is a disaster for ADHD students. They do best with a one-on-one instructor, especially for kodesh.

#BestBubby

Sat, Dec 23 2023, 9:44 pm

I suggest sending him to school for most of the day, but not all day.

Instead of 6 am - 6 pm

Let DS sleep in, go to a 9 am minyon, eat a good breakfast and learn with his tutor in the am when he is well rested.

Then let DS go to school for lunch, 12 or 12.30 (lunch is social time)till the end, 6 pm.

Alternatively, leave school earlier at 3 or 4.

Last edited by #BestBubby on Sat, Dec 23 2023, 9:51 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Dimgray

Sat, Dec 23 2023, 9:50 pm

amother Seagreen wrote:

Yes, 100% I would do it. BUT only if the boy is on board with this decision. If he'd rather stay in school for social reasons, I would not fight that. Homeschooling can deteriorate rapidly if the child is not interested in making it work.

I agree with this. He is old enough that he needs to be on board for it to work.

OP I don't know what you should do, it's a very difficult situation. I will just say what I saw with a younger brother of mine. I was already long married and out of the house so I did not see the situation close up but in short he had a similar situation and was so burnt by it that he refused to attend school/yeshiva for the next 2 years. Yes it took that long, with lots of professional help and work on my parents part, to get him to a place where he was able to attend school again. You definitely don't want it to get to that point. Personally I would pull my child out at least for the short term and see what to do next after that. I would be concerned about the damage being caused, being worse than what the rebbe could cause in school. But that's my 2c. Lots of hatzlacha!

amother

Hotpink

Sat, Dec 23 2023, 11:27 pm

I would keep him in school if it’s just one more year and let him know that the situation is not good but we’re putting up with it for just one more year and then find a more suitable school for next year that will treat him well.