Teenage blues | Imamother

amother

Mon, Dec 25 2023, 12:22 pm

It hurts to see my 13 year old acting super insecure.

She uses lots of negative self talk, such as telling me that she knows that she won't do well on an upcoming test, or, insisting that she looks "fat" in her outfit when she actually has a great figure.

She will redo her hair multiple times before accepting it as 'good enough', criticize the food as "disgusting" or "eeeeew", and act super timid around any confident person her own age.

I hate to see how small she feels around the hotshots in her class, the uber smart and uber confident girls. Often she'll even be very insecure about starting up a conversation with any one of her shy cousins. I force myself to be patient and not push her.

She doesn't do very well in school, however she tries hard, at least most of the time. Her marks are typically below 80% and she's just used to it at this point. PTA isn't fun at all. I wish she made me prouder.

She also isn't very articulate, often not doing a great job of explaining herself or sharing her thoughts and feelings. Overall, her speech can seem immature and silly, and is laced with a ton of kvetching and self-deprecating comments. This is tough to listen to.

By comparison, my slightly younger daughter is strong in most of these areas, making her a much easier child to parent.

I know that all this sounds harsh, that I have lots and lots to be thankful for. I am trying to be a better parent here, and I'm willing to accept any and all criticism and insight for how to do better. I know that having a mother who values and appreciates you is core to having confidence, and I'm definitely stuck because I don't appreciate these qualities.

I would be remiss if I didn't mention her good qualities. She is quite relational, easily making new friends wherever she goes. She is great at choosing good friends. She is kind and nurturing and will make a great mother someday. She is polite and friendly and has never been chutzpadig to school staff. She is aidel and sometimes even encourages me to do favors for people.

She is also disciplined (I'll take a bit of credit for this one), fun to hang with, and great at planning parties or games.

The reason why all this bothers me so much is because my own mother didn't appreciate my wonderful qualities. I feel like she really missed out on a great gift in life - me. Our personalities are opposite, and she struggled and fought so hard with me, that my insecurities blossomed, and it has left me with a huge mother wound. I hate to be reminded of all this, to feel how my mother must've felt about me.

Thoughts, advice, insights?