Discipline regarding mitzvahs vs other obligations.

amother

Mon, Dec 25 2023, 4:02 pm

I keep hearing and seeing on threads here that it isn’t good to tell kids they need to daven, dress tznius, bring negel vasser etc….
Since it brings a bad feeling towards the mitzvah.

The question is though, why is it okay to tell my kids they need to brush their teeth, make their bed, put on a coat, or help with laundry etc….

Everyone agrees it’s okay to discipline a child when it comes to non Torah obligations, so why can’t I include Torah obligations with that same discipline.
Obviously nothing harsh etc…but that should go across the board…

What’s the difference

amother

Peru

Mon, Dec 25 2023, 4:06 pm

They are projecting. They obviously weren't taught in a normal way and therefore they resent it and therefore they think the whole world needs to stop teaching it. But it's obviously wrong. You also have an obligation to teach your children these things and in a normal loving home there should be no issue with setting boundaries regarding these things.

amother

Brunette

Mon, Dec 25 2023, 4:07 pm

For all these things, so much of it depends on age. In younger children, your job is to help them build these healthy habits, including telling them to brush their teeth. But you're not telling your teenager to brush your teeth. And if you are the logic behind it is that if they get a cavity, it's your wallet that's covering the cost, not your teenagers.

When it comes to Mitzvahs there is no obligation that's coming out of your wallet and ultimately it has to be each person's choice and what to follow. A parent's job is to guide and educate to encourage them to do the right thing, but at some point the constant disciplinary approach is going to cause them to choose to do the opposite.

If you want to look at them very similarly then you can make it very clear that they are house rules. If you're going to be in public space, you have to dress tzniusly, if you're around other children, you must be keeping Shabbos, Don't bring non kosher items into the house. Just as you make rules about what time they have to go to bed or what is available for snacking in the pantry

chanatron1000

Mon, Dec 25 2023, 4:16 pm

Depending on the kid, enforcing tooth brushing, coat wearing, etc. can also create a bad association. But brushing teeth is important, and feeling good about it is less important. When it comes to mitzvos, we want the child to be able to connect with it spiritually, not just do it out of habit. "Ugh, I have to brush my teeth now" is not the end of the world. A person can go a lifetime of never liking the process of tooth brushing, just getting it over with, without any major consequences.

amother

Mon, Dec 25 2023, 5:18 pm

amother Brunette wrote:

That is so not why people want their kids to brush their teeth.
And half the people have insurance so that point makes even less sense.
We just want them to have good hygiene and healthy teeth.

amother

Mon, Dec 25 2023, 5:22 pm

chanatron1000 wrote:

A person can go through a lifetime of washing negel vasser because they have to, by rote, and nothing will happen either….it will make sure whatever food they touch isn’t tamei which can affect others.

Just like making their bed.