What NOT to say | Imamother

amother

NeonGreen

Mon, Dec 25 2023, 9:26 am

About the twins.

A twin feels like a huge part of them is missing. Especially if their twin passed away during childbirth

singleagain

Mon, Dec 25 2023, 9:32 am

amother Sunflower wrote:

I agree that the "at least you have the other twin" comment is horrible, and I think most ppl would think that.
However.
I have a relative who sat Shiva for one of his identical twin sons. At the Shiva he said "at least Hashem gave me a small nechama,, that when I miss [dead twin] I can look at [live twin] and see him again."
I was aghast. But he was sitting Shiva for his son, and this is how he felt, and of course I didn't say anything.

A lot of these things... especially about emunnah or bitchaon can be said by the person who is going through the tragedy but should never be said by somebody else.

BH Yom Yom

Mon, Dec 25 2023, 9:54 am

grace413 wrote:

I'm very glad this thread was posted.

1. It gives me the opportunity to say my favorite sentence "People are idiots."

2. BH nobody said anything awful like that to me when my DH died recently.

I’m so sorry for your loss Hug

BH Yom Yom

Mon, Dec 25 2023, 9:55 am

singleagain wrote:

A lot of these things... especially about emunnah or bitchaon can be said by the person who is going through the tragedy but should never be said by somebody else.

This this this.

BH Yom Yom

Mon, Dec 25 2023, 9:56 am

When I found out that an elderly lady I used to visit often, had passed away:

“Well she was half-dead anyway!”

from someone who should have known better.

BH Yom Yom

Mon, Dec 25 2023, 9:57 am

B'Syata D'Shmya wrote:

3. Is my invite for Shabbos still applicable? (sitting shiva)

Wait, for real?! Can't Believe It

B'Syata D'Shmya

Mon, Dec 25 2023, 10:43 am

BH Yom Yom wrote:

When I found out that an elderly lady I used to visit often, had passed away:

“Well she was half-dead anyway!”

from someone who should have known better.

They should have said נגאלה מיסוריה
They must have been talking half-brain-dead. Banging head

amother

Mustard

Mon, Dec 25 2023, 12:11 pm

Religious looking man: "you know I'm religious, but I don't keep negia?"

There's no right time to say that, but especially not in the hospital waiting room when someone's Grandma just died

amother

Powderblue

Mon, Dec 25 2023, 3:49 pm

amother Watermelon wrote:

A third person, who was a young widow in her late 40s, told me that at least my parents had so many years together and she didn't. I felt very bad for her loss, but it was so inappropriate..

Omg yes this is something I find so often but is so inappropriate! A friend of mine recently lost her husband (very young) and someone was speaking to our mutual friends about it, I’m not even sure why. But the entire speech was about how she went through it and when she went to shiva, she saw herself as a young 35 yo sitting shiva for her husband. I felt bad for her that she went through it too but it was so misplaced to have the whole speech about that and about her experiences.

top mom

Mon, Dec 25 2023, 4:37 pm

"Oh, it was your step sister! So why did you have to attend the levaya and miss work? "
Yes, that particular boss of mine will cause ptsd for another loooonnng while.

BH Yom Yom

Tue, Dec 26 2023, 10:15 am

top mom wrote:

"Oh, it was your step sister! So why did you have to attend the levaya and miss work? "
Yes, that particular boss of mine will cause ptsd for another loooonnng while.

Omg. What is wrong with people?!

I’m so sorry you had to deal with that boss.