DS becoming more moody, depressed (trigger warning)

amother

Fri, Jan 05 2024, 1:18 am

His main baseline emotion is anger. Ever since he was in elementary school. He’s been to therapists and psychiatrists. For a little while he was on SSRIs but the benefit always wore off after a few months.

He doesn’t try to hurt people in anger but will yell/scream obscenities if something frustrates him.

He has told me before while he was angry (or upset) that he just wants to go speeding into a brick wall. He is overwhelmed with hopelessness at that moment and he is convinced life has no point for him.

He refuses to see a psychiatrist or consider taking medication now. He did start with a therapist this year but I’m not seeing much progress. I’m davening so much for him.

I’m constantly worried that he is barely hanging on to reality sometimes. Like a disappointment is blown into the “end of the world” for him.

He does have good times but I think his bad feelings can be so intense that they collectively outweigh the good times.

I feel like it’s a matter of time before he does something rash and ends his own life, cv’s. I feel it in my bones. It's my worst nightmare that I can’t help but ruminate on. But he is not actively suicidal. It’s just that he has recurring moments that have potential which I’m reminded of more frequently and persistently.

I don’t expect any answers here. I just needed to write this down as a way to process.