Normal not to invite for a meal?

amother

Pear

Sun, Jan 28 2024, 9:23 pm

Join a volunteer group!
Help prep packages for tomchei shabbos or bikur choilim.
Sing for Mekimi

Joining Shabbos kiddish at your local shul is a great idea. Or just knock on a neighbor’s door to borrow some eggs and develop a relationship with them

amother

Obsidian

Sun, Jan 28 2024, 9:24 pm

I grew up in Brooklyn and I don’t remember my family ever being invited out for a meal, unless it was a simcha. I only got invited out casually once I was a newlywed in Israel.

Where I live now, it’s more common to share meals but I can’t remember if I’ve gone out more than once in the past year.

Also, generally, the winter is quieter. When the weather warms up, you can take your baby to the park and meet other mothers there. You can also join a class or a Chesed and meet people that way. It’s hard but you need to take initiative. After school, friendships don’t grow organically. You really have to put in the effort.

Ema of 5

Sun, Jan 28 2024, 9:28 pm

amother Rainbow wrote:

Yes, very normal actually Wink

I guess it depends what part of NY you live in, and who you become friends with. This doesn’t regularly happen in Bayswater or Far Rockaway. I don’t think it regularly happens in the 5T or west Hempstead either. (This meaning not being invited)

amother

Lightgray

Sun, Jan 28 2024, 9:45 pm

Wow.
So culturally different.

In my community, I was invited out for 16 of the first 17 Shabbos lunches we were in our community. They didn’t all turn into good friends, but all lovely people.
I have company with 2-3 families at least once every 6 weeks, sometimes 2x in a month. and and we are invited out at least 1 if not 2x/month. Some of these meals are pot-luck.

It is just different in different communities.

kenz

Sun, Jan 28 2024, 9:58 pm

I have company regularly and definitely invite new families and I’m in good ole Brooklyn. The only problem is we and most of our guests don’t use an eruv so people with babies are limited. I also say Good Shabbos btw. I’m sorry you’re not closer, I’d invite you.

amother

Begonia

Fri, Feb 02 2024, 1:08 am

amother Lightgray wrote:

Where do you live?
Sounds very warm and friendly

amother

Begonia

Fri, Feb 02 2024, 1:10 am

Op I’m so sorry for you.
It sounds lonely there!
I too grew up out of town and am used to invites as well.
It’s not a NY thing to really invite….
I live in town now but my neighbors do for the most part invite eachother.
You can find it in out of town, it just depends where!
Hatzlacha finding your place and your someone! Thinking of you

amother

Honeysuckle

Fri, Feb 02 2024, 3:27 pm

Nope I'm living in NY all my life and never had a meal away besides for with family. I also don't have many friends here but workmates and neighbors are my company for now. On my block all the mothers congregate to schmooze while waiting for the little kids buses so that's my social life on days I'm home. We all wait together and slowly go in as our buses come. When the weather's nice we stay out longer

amother

Lightgray

Fri, Feb 02 2024, 3:34 pm

amother Begonia wrote:

Where do you live?
Sounds very warm and friendly

Teaneck, the “other side”, could not be happier here.

amother

Ecru

Fri, Feb 02 2024, 4:09 pm

People in NY live in close quarters plus everything is walkable so rather than invite a whole family for a meal maybe you'd arrange to stop by a friend at some point in the day.

Personally I have no eruv so I'm stuck at home for most of my married life and so are my friends.

camp123

Sat, Feb 03 2024, 2:13 pm

I'm not from NY, but reading this makes me sad. I get the idea that many people want shabbos to be a family time and understand not inviting large families. But, if you see a young couple with no kids, or a very young kid, singles, or divorcees I sure hope one of the largest frum communities in the world does do hachnasas orchim and chesed and invites people.
If people don't have kids or if they are not lucky enough to work with frum people they must be so lonely.

amother

SandyBrown

Sat, Feb 03 2024, 2:42 pm

Op hatzlocho with settling down.

Im married well over a decade with a few kids, and embaressingly enough, if you ask me who my friends are ,Id say carpool moms and workmates.

If I didnt work, I think Id barely know anyone.

When I had a little one, I got to know the parkbenchers and moms at my kids playgroup.
Or if there was baby or toddler sessions anywhere.

amother

Sat, Feb 03 2024, 6:37 pm

camp123 wrote:

I agree. (:
I understand the cultural differences. But we moved far from family and really don’t know anyone within a 4-5 hour drive. I do wish people would reach out a little and take us in. 🤷🏼‍♀️

amother

Arcticblue

Sat, Feb 03 2024, 7:44 pm

amother OP wrote:

What neighborhood/ circles are you in?

Some its normal, some its not.

You said you cant host bigger families in your basement apt. , are you expecting those samr families that are not wt your stage to invite you?

amother

Arcticblue

Sat, Feb 03 2024, 7:47 pm

amother Arcticblue wrote:

Not that people shouldn't do hachnosos orchim. More trying to get a sense of what youre missing/ looking for.

amother

Gardenia

Sat, Feb 03 2024, 8:02 pm

I'm in the NY area and it's absolutely normal not to invite or be invited for a meal.
I made a few friends from women's activities connected with the shul. Does your shul have anything like that?