DD 9 freaks out when k ask her to wear an undershirt

rose613

Sat, Jan 20 2024, 6:32 pm

My dd 9 isn’t ready for a bra yet but under certain materials needs a camisole so she doesn’t show through. Whenever I mention this she completely freaks out. I’ve explained that you can see the outline of her chest through the material and that as girls grow older and grow chests they need different undergarments. She just freaks out and says I just want her to be boiling with an extra layer.

Curious if anyone else has experienced this and what to do. If camisoles cause this much drama I can’t imagine what will happen when I need to teach her about periods.

She’s generally a nice kid, does well in school, has great friends but completely loses it over this.

amother

Blue

Sat, Jan 20 2024, 6:35 pm

I don't understand.

Hasn't she always worn an undershirt under clothes since she was a baby?

Why is it now an issue?

amother

RosePink

Sat, Jan 20 2024, 6:35 pm

Does she have any sensory issues? Is she generally really hot?

rose613

Sat, Jan 20 2024, 6:36 pm

No she doesn’t normally wear an undershirt - and the opposite she complains she’s cold. No sensory issues (I’m very familiar - I have kids with it and in OT, not this one)

amother

RosePink

Sat, Jan 20 2024, 6:37 pm

Even as a preteen I preferred these types over an undershirt.
Popular Cotton Girls Training Bra - Crop Cami Training Bras for Girls with Adjustable Straps. Cotton Bra Pack. https://a.co/d/5XNTBi6

amother

Ghostwhite

Sat, Jan 20 2024, 6:37 pm

Seems like she’s using hot as an excuse because she’s uncomfortable wearing the camisole. Have you tried talking to her to see what’s really bothering her? Maybe she’s uncomfortable with the changes going on in her body. So normal!

amother

Burntblack

Sat, Jan 20 2024, 8:56 pm

rose613 wrote:

If she's beginning to develop, then you should be telling her all about puberty and periods soon. My daughter is turning 9 next month and I'm already planning on how to talk to her about it. I got my period at 9.5 and was completely unprepared and it was a traumatic experience for me. I have my older DD the puberty talk when she turned 9 and thankfully she didn't get her period until she was 11.5. my almost 9 year old is developing and just recently started wearing the half undershirts. I definitely can't wait much longer to talk to her about periods.

It's very hard when little girls are developing physically while they're still so young. It's a lot of changes that they're really not ready for and they may fight against them. Forcing your daughter to wear something she's not comfortable with is probably not the best route to take. She may not fight as much if she has all the information and understands what is happening. She still may hate the undershirts, so give her choices and empower her to find something she does like. My almost 9 year old doesn't like the thin cami straps, so we're experimenting with thicker straps. I remember my mother insisting I had to wear a bra with certain shirts and I just stopped wearing those shirts and went through a phase of wearing thicker or baggier clothing instead. I was so young and didn't want to stand out from my friends.

amother

Mauve

Sat, Jan 20 2024, 10:40 pm

My daughter also freaked out I told her she has to she’s getting bigger now. It took a week or two to get used to it. It’s normal to freak out maybe let her earn something for doing it.

amother

Brown

Sun, Jan 21 2024, 12:57 am

No experience with this as a mother, but as a child/young teenager I also freaked out about wearing bras etc. It was probably a reaction to my changing body and the way I could “control” it. My mother tried very very hard but there was a period of time that I mostly didn’t wear a bra and really needed to but I was just so resistant, and I think she gave up trying eventually. I don’t know what you’ve explained to her yet about her changing body but I don’t think my mother was open about it with me so much and maybe brought it up too late.
She gave me the Wonder of Becoming You and I was prepared for my period but didn’t do much else explaining in a positive open way. It’s my biggest embarrassment looking back that I didn’t wear a bra for that time. Whatever you can do (without shaming) to help her understand the need in a positive way and hopefully bottom line get her to wear it (or incentivize her or whatever else she’d respond to); she will be grateful later on. You can tell her my story if it helps, and tell her that you want to make sure she has an amazing relationship with her beautiful body and dresses it appropriately as it changes. If she likes shopping, maybe you can take her on a mother/daughter shopping day to choose her own undershirts as well as a nice new top.
Your DD is younger than I was, and I just wanted to say that you’re doing the right thing trying to get on top of this.

amother

Poinsettia

Sun, Jan 21 2024, 4:42 am

Some ideas here
https://www.imamother.com/foru.....21113

amother

Lemonlime

Sun, Jan 21 2024, 4:51 am

Definitely use the ideas above. And do not minimize the need for many girls (and women!) to not have an extra layer, and not feel something around the middle of their torso. These can be real issues, and in order to wear something that makes things harder in these ways, there has to be a really good reason. How that really good reason is presented is important- see the ideas. But don't assume it's all about the avoidance if developing. Your dd may really not want an extra layer, and/or hate having something tught underneath, the feel of straps, etc.

1 suggestion- no undershirts. Get sleeveless shells. Many come really soft, they are socially appropriate for all ages, and they can be gotten in different levels of tightness.

amother

SandyBrown

Sun, Jan 21 2024, 4:57 am

My 10 year old freaked out. Then she went to school and everyone was talking about it and she realized it was normal. Puberty is a strange concept and many girls don't like it when their body starts changing. My daughter said, why do I need this now. I totally understood her frustration. I developed later so it was easier for me...it had already become normal.

chocolate moose

Sun, Jan 21 2024, 1:50 pm

undershirts are babyish. what about a layer over her blouse like a vest or pullover?

amother

Starflower

Tue, Feb 06 2024, 2:30 am

My DD also hated the idea at first. I got her the cropped undershirts but I didn't push it when she refused to wear them. Eventually she accepted them, I think when a few of her friends started wearing them and she wanted to "fit in."

notshanarishona

Tue, Feb 06 2024, 4:02 am

It’s very normal (talking both as someone who teaches this age and have a 5th grade daughter). I wouldn’t push it if it’s just that you can see the shape. Introduce the idea and she will wear it when she is ready. If she gets to the point where her breasts are flopping with movement then I would push stronger (but maybe try to do it in a gentle way, like private discussion over icecream) but many kids at 9 are too self conscious of the changes and don’t want to do anything different. Forcing almost always backfires.