DD12 is resistant to wearing age appropriate undergarments.

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Teenagers and Older children

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amother

Sun, May 28 2023, 6:05 am

WWYD? I bought her the combo supportive camisoles sold in Jewish stores. The ones that look like an undershirt but are elasticized at the chest area like a bra. I made her wear it when we had simchos this year, but as she's maturing I need to put my foot down and insist that she wear that, sports bras, or something similar all the time. Teen DD already commented that she looks ridiculous. I think I will tell DD12 that I am dumping all her undershirts and will give her options of what she can try. Anyone have links or suggestions?

gootlfriends

Sun, May 28 2023, 6:09 am

Have her pick out pretty ones? And yes, get rid of undershirts. Out of eight out of mind. This stage is challenging for mommy and daughter in many ways.

ra_mom

Sun, May 28 2023, 6:10 am

Is it a sensory thing? Embarrassment? What is her resistance? Try to understand what's holding her back and work with her as much as you can, instead of against her.

amother

Midnight

Sun, May 28 2023, 6:11 am

Let her wear it with the undershirt on top till she gets used to the idea.

girlishmom

Sun, May 28 2023, 6:20 am

My daughter found the Jewish ones quite uncomfortable as well. She preferred sports bras from target.

amother

Sun, May 28 2023, 7:45 am

Can you post links?

amother

Freesia

Sun, May 28 2023, 7:48 am

My 12 year old hated those shelf undershirts. She’s happier in sports bras.

amother

Calendula

Sun, May 28 2023, 7:59 am

https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d.....;th=1

girlishmom

Sun, May 28 2023, 8:18 am

https://www.target.com/p/girls.....45093

amother

Fuchsia

Sun, May 28 2023, 9:03 am

I wore cotton sports bras until high school... It was more comfortable. Then I switched to these bras that had very little structure/padding so they were really comfortable.

amother

Sun, May 28 2023, 9:11 am

I don't think it's a comfort issue. I think she's self conscious and resistant to change. That's why I thought she'd be more accepting of the undershirt style.

amother

Rainbow

Sun, May 28 2023, 9:29 am

What is her relationship with her older sister?
Would it be better coming from her, as sister told you it looks bad

girlishmom

Sun, May 28 2023, 9:49 am

These are the undershirt style...
https://amzn.to/3qj9KLu

ra_mom

Sun, May 28 2023, 9:57 am

Take her to a store like Macy's that has hundreds of options. Let her choose if she wants a cami, bra pullover style, thin straps or undershirt style top.

Explain that a growing chest is beautiful, show her that yours isn't hidden, just that the nipples are kept private. Gently point out that her chest has been growing, she's turning into a beautiful lady, and it's time to wear something to make it look its best.

Validate. Tell her that change is so hard. To be happening to one's own body takes a while to get used to. How you remember how uncomfortable you felt when your body started changing. Sit with that and give her space to absorb.

Go in front of the mirror with her and tell her, and show her, how beautiful she is. Beautiful eyes, nose, lips, shape, body. Let her see what you see.

The next time she tries on a thin tee, continue the conversation. Tell her how beautiful she looks and ask if she'd like to see how the same tee looks with something proper underneath. Show her both visuals in front of the mirror.

She needs some room to come around and gentle prodding in the right direction.

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