Purim Seuda- what should I do

B'Syata D'Shmya

Sat, Feb 24 2024, 11:26 pm

No other empty nesters to invite or newlyweds so it's not a crowd of 20 ?
Maybe do the seudah in a local nsg home with some patients there to brighten their day too? Or the like...
Feel free to ask each to bring a dish on lieu of mm. People love to feel like they contribute.
Use paper and here's a new drinking game: guests who drink gotta help cleanup.

amother

Impatiens

Sat, Feb 24 2024, 11:40 pm

My vote is for catered with serving and cleaning up staff, or making the seuda in a local restaurant with a small private room. Thoughts?

Another option is to do potluck where some "contributions" are to organise the event/ set up/serve/ clear away. And disposables rock!

imaima

Sun, Feb 25 2024, 12:24 am

Don’t get it

You are a rabbinical couple.
Have a seuda for the two of you.
Buys tons of snacks ang booze.
Message everyone that you are accepting visits/ having an open house after a certain time (your meal).
Bang you both don’t need to cook and sre still not lonely. People will hang out in your house but you don’t need to engage with them much

Iymnok

Sun, Feb 25 2024, 1:02 am

Set your regular dining room table.

Make a full seuda for just the two of you. Invite another couple if you could find.

Set out buffet food. Mini schnitzels with dipping sauce, roasted vegetables, rice. Use those heating trays with a flame underneath.

Put on a Purim playlist.

Announce that everyone is invited to drop by. (Put hours if you will need a break) some will stay and enjoy your mini shmorg. The rest will go to their own seudos.

Hire cleaning help to come shkiya time or so.

amother

Chestnut

Sun, Feb 25 2024, 4:05 am

It could be an amazing Seuda, You and the Rav. Maybe this year you need it to be in a quieter setting. Eat, sing, Tell Divrei Torah, Daven and Tehillim. Sit outside and enjoy all the children in costumes.

amother

Cognac

Sun, Feb 25 2024, 4:31 am

amother OP wrote:

We are empty nesters.
DH has medical issues and we are involved with many treatments and traveling to different drs.
My mom and dad (not frum) are also not doing too well and recently had a few hospital stays. They are elderly, and like quiet time at home.

Kids are all adults and don’t live in the same state

I’m super exhausted both physically and emotionally, drained.

So basically 2 adults.

It would be so depressing to just be us 2 at home.

Everyone I know has big families, so if I invite I would be hosting a lot of ppl. I’m really not up for that.

I don’t think we’ll get invited just because ppl would think we either are hosting a Seuda or others invited us already.

Need some real advice.

DH feels funny joining another community’s Seuda since he’s the rabbi of a shul.

Do I just push through and invite a big family
It would be at least 20ppl - maybe more

Every single family you knownhas 18+ kids? Surprised

Is it possible you could reach out to other community leaders and find other people who need a place to go for a seuda, like singles or smaller families? I'm still digesting the fact that every family you know has 20+ people. I don't think I've ever met anyone with a family that big!

Elfrida

Sun, Feb 25 2024, 4:36 am

amother Cognac wrote:

Every single family you knownhas 18+ kids? Surprised

It's possible that the OP was generalising, and making a rather broad statement.

On the other hand, when you consider older families, with married children and grandchildren, it's quite easy to get to that kind of number.

lamplighter

Sun, Feb 25 2024, 5:07 am

I get the feeling this isn't about what to do for Purim but more the sadness you are feeling around having things be different now.
This is very valid and I hope you have support in this, the downside of keeping everything private is that you don't get help or support. If people knew there were health issues they would of course invite you. They don't know so they are acting like they have years past. Only your situation has changed and now you're noticing it.
There have been many practical ideas given in this thread but the first thing that needs to happen is you need to get to a place of acceptance around all of this. It's ok to feel sad or lonely or afraid or all of the above.
When you feel more resigned and less resentful, you'll be open to the suggestions and find one that works for you. It won't be the same as other years and something will have to give but it can still be a special Purim.

amother

Sun, Feb 25 2024, 5:56 am

amother Cognac wrote:

Every single family you knownhas 18+ kids? Surprised

Everyone has family
So if I invite a family they’ll say no
But if I invite the ENTIRE family they’ll probably say yes - meaning sisters, brothers, all the cousins etc.
I’m lucky that I live in a community that these family get together a are not 100+ ppl

Every one wants to be with their family

amother

Sun, Feb 25 2024, 6:00 am

Also - I really don’t mind the cooking part
I would cook or cater the whole thing
I do it slowly all week and that’s it
It the setting up, the hosting, the cleanup that I know is going to be overwhelming for me.
So suggesting to set the table nicely is what I’m not “in the mood for” it requires planning, buying disposables, and setting up.
And truly that’s the easiest of the 3

amother

Sun, Feb 25 2024, 6:06 am

Also the family I have in mind
1. The kids are all teens, except for 2 babies
2. They are not the drinking type
3. They’ve invited us many times
4. Mom lives on our floor.
5. I know they will help
6. They keep conversations lively, but in a kedusha way

I like the idea of having shmorg set up

Maybe I’ll get 2 cleaners from the shul.

Thanks for hearing me out I feel much better.

amother

Cerise

Sun, Feb 25 2024, 6:22 am

Honestly, Purim is a busy day. You’ll be seeing so many people both in shul and in your house. It’s really fine for this year to have a small Purim Seuda with just the 2 of you. Your day will be busy/social enough.
Don’t be sad. It’s not like you don’t have any family or friends. It just makes the most sense this year. Otherwise you’ll be busy preparing and cleaning up and that is very exhausting.

amother

Ballota

Sun, Feb 25 2024, 6:51 am

My dh and I are probably going to be alone for the seudah this year. BH our kids are married or away in seminary/yeshiva. I could invite people but I feel exhausted with a lot going on and don’t think I want to. Usually on Purim I don’t get to daven as much as I’d like to. This year I hope to be able to daven a lot. IY”H we’ll be zoche to amazing yeshuos and we’ll greet Moshiach very soon.

amother

Papaya

Sun, Feb 25 2024, 9:13 am

I honestly don't see the problem. We're also empty nesters with kids living far away so going or hosting just for a meal isn't happening. The mitzvah is to have a seudah, not necessarily to have a big crowd. I never made a big seudah in my life, it was always just the immediate family unless we got invited somewhere, which hasn't happened since COVID. True it's not hilarious the way it is when you have a bunch of people with a fine sense of humor, but it's still nice. And I agree that you see people in shul and while delivering MM, so it's something of a relief not to have a crowd for the meal.

amother

Canary

Sun, Feb 25 2024, 9:43 am

I agree that a lot of it is framing. My grandparents, who were in their 80s, made a decision to stay home and not invite one seder, because they felt they hadn't been spending enough time together. (Yes, I know they were an amazing couple.) My grandmother talked about how beautiful it was for the rest of her life.

Make something yummy and treat it like a date.

amother

Aconite

Sun, Feb 25 2024, 9:53 am

amother OP wrote:

I’m trying to do this
But everyone is with family
Plus they believe I’m inviting a few families and then having an open house, as usual
This is what everyone is expecting

Even though they know we spend at least 2 days every week with treatments, and if its a week that testing needs to be done, more .
We come back exhausted. Eat something and go to bed.

Impossible for us to go to our kids. DH can’t leave the shul for Purim.

I think I’ll just have to host as usual

Can you get few young couples and tell the ladies that you like to invite them but you need them to take over the setting and clearing after even the menu and all because of your situation and acknowledge them in front of everyone it’s not a shame that you hand it over to the young generation but still host it in your house. I think they will be happy and proud

amother

Chartreuse

Mon, Feb 26 2024, 3:37 am

Our kids also live far from here and will be celebrating Purim in their communities. We will either go to a restaurant or invite friends who have a tiny family and enjoy a small but festive seudah for the four of us. One year, we went to a restaurant and I was surprised to see a Rabbi we know and his family. They had escaped their big, active community to have a quiet family meal together and seemed to be having a great time. OP, is a restaurant seudah an option for you?