Sleep training - babysleepmaven

amother

NeonBlue

Tue, Jan 16 2024, 10:52 am

Whew!!! I’m so relieved to hear that…. My heart just doesn’t allow my kid to cry that long… thanks op for starting this thread, and thanks all for sharing this info… anyone else knows of a sleep coach who doesn’t tell you to let the kid cry that long??

amother

Stonewash

Tue, Jan 16 2024, 11:23 am

amother Poppy wrote:

It's complicated
I heard a rav say some issues come out later bc babies are being left to cry ...it can sometimes cause attachment issues
Either way ...the rav was saying he feels a big connection between sleep training and kids going off and trouble later on

This reminds me of the anti-babysitter thread where a poster said that kids who are watched by a non-Jewish nanny as babies end up intermarrying.
There are plenty of compassionate ways to sleep train your baby and ultimately you'll be doing them good in their life since they'll learn how to self-soothe and will get enough sleep for them to be happy babies and children during the day (and you will be a happier, more functional mommy who gets enough sleep also!)

amother

Phlox

Tue, Jan 16 2024, 5:30 pm

amother Stonewash wrote:

The whole now they will know how to self sooth is a false narrative. Babies learn to self sooth from adults in their life.Not from being left alone. This is outdated and inaccurate information.

If you must sleep train there are gentle ways to do it. Read the ”No Cry Sleep Solution” by Elizabeth Pantley. But don’t leave them to cry. It’s harmful and it’s wrong.

amother

Phlox

Tue, Jan 16 2024, 5:33 pm

amother Poppy wrote:

This is true. Letting a baby cry can cause attachment issues which can cause many emotional issues down the line.

tichellady

Tue, Jan 16 2024, 5:51 pm

amother Phlox wrote:

This has not been my experience. It’s hard to really know what’s happening but the research doesn’t show this. Obviously we can debate what’s actually happening but there are also risks to a mother not sleeping and a baby not sleeping

amother

Phlox

Tue, Jan 16 2024, 6:11 pm

tichellady wrote:

Babies learn to self soothe from adults being regulated and with them. When babies stop crying it’s not from learning how to self soothe it’s from abandonment and knowing nobody will come to the them.
It’s an outdated idea that we need to help babies self sooth by leaving them alone. It’s not the way a baby is biologically wired. Babies need their mothers or another attachment figure in their life to self sooth and regulate.

amother

Stonewash

Tue, Jan 16 2024, 6:28 pm

amother Phlox wrote:

I was just listening to a podcast with Eva Klein (mysleepingbaby) who was saying that there's research to support both sides of this debate so why doesn't everyone do what they think is right and works for them and not shame mothers for making choices that they feel are best for their babies?
She was just on the Happy Birthway podcast and has her own podcast. Highly recommend

tichellady

Tue, Jan 16 2024, 10:10 pm

amother Phlox wrote:

This only works if the mom is regulated and not losing her mind from not sleeping. I don’t think everyone should sleep train but I do think there are families for whom it is the best option. I don’t know for sure and neither do you what happens to a baby who is sleep trained or isn’t sleep trained but I do know that a mom who is not sleeping and really having a hard time may get into a car accident, start hallucinating, is at risk for postpartum depression or psychosis etc and all of those are definitely going to affect the baby as well

tichellady

Tue, Jan 16 2024, 10:22 pm

amother Phlox wrote:

The thing is that babies who are sleep trained still do cry in the morning when they wake up and in middle of the night if they are sick. They aren’t learning they are abandoned clearly or they wouldn’t cry in either situation. It’s also easier to know that something is wrong once a baby usually sleeps regularly and is crying a lot at night. Whereas if a baby is up most nights it’s hard to tell what’s going on.
By the way, Some people do sleep train while staying next to their babies. That is an option that works for some families! I don’t think parents need to sleep train but I do think people shouldn’t judge those who do. Especially in our society where mothers Are expected to be super heroes who don’t sleep, work full time, have time for self care, make shabbos and yontov, etc

amother

Snowflake

Wed, Jan 17 2024, 12:21 am

amother Poppy wrote:

Is the Rav the kind of guy who'd get up during the night instead of his wife for months on end? And has he done a study where the ONLY 'trauma' in the child's life was sleep training?
Personally, I wake up so furious at how my nights went sometimes that I can hardly LOOK at my baby all morning. I think that would be a lot more traumatic in the long run.

nocoffeeplease

Sat, Mar 02 2024, 8:30 pm

amother Lotus wrote:

I bought it and found it to be a waste. Its basically the Ferber method just marketed to be more "gentle" but it is really not. She says to let them cry for a lot more than 10 minutes! If the baby stops even for a second you're supposed to reset the timer so it could go on for a while. I did not feel comfortable doing it so I can't say if it works or not but know what you're getting into. It isn't gentle at all

I took the course as well. There are more than one method in the course to choose from (I think 3) and they are def more gentle than the timer one you're describing. Yeah sleep training is not for everyone but I wouldn't go so far as to say the whole program is as harsh as you're making it out to be. I used the method of holding my baby every time he cried and while it took a lot more effort it was well worth my while!