S/o why seminaries ask if a girl was in therapy PSA

amother

Arcticblue

Tue, Mar 26 2024, 3:07 pm

amother Watermelon wrote:

Any seminary that you would lose your place in for disclosing those types of issues is not a seminary you would want your child to be in. Many seminaries ask about these issues so they can be well prepared to help your child get through the year with support, as was mentioned up thread. If a seminary genuinely doesn't accept a kid with mental health issues, you wouldn't want your child there because they won't know how to deal with her.

If that's the case, there is no reason they can't ask these questions after acceptance.

amother

Black

Tue, Mar 26 2024, 3:15 pm

As someone who went thru a similar expereince in seminary - I don't think it is so terrible.

She will get a therpist to talk it thru and she will grow from the experience. Which is supposed to be the point of seminary - emotional and spiritual growth.

We all encounter lots of people with mental health issues over a lifetime, and having this experience in seminary, where adults walked me thru it and supported me was such a helpful experience.

amother

Orange

Tue, Mar 26 2024, 3:33 pm

amother Watermelon wrote:

If that were true, people wouldn't have a reason to lie. They lie because they know it significantly reduces their acceptance probability. I agree with the previous poster that if they ask after acceptance, people would be much more forthcoming.

lamplighter

Tue, Mar 26 2024, 4:19 pm

As a society can't tell people to be honest about MH, "erase the stigma" in the same breath as saying they don't belong in sem.
If seminaries would accept and work with people MH struggles than people wouldn't lie.

The same thing comes up in shidduchim. Be honest but also I would never let my child marry someone on medications.

Last edited by lamplighter on Tue, Mar 26 2024, 4:47 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

SandyBrown

Tue, Mar 26 2024, 4:28 pm

amother Watermelon wrote:

You wont "lose your place". This is a competitive situation. They will skip over the kid for someone "less complicated."

All seminaries end with kids wity mental health issues from before or develop in sem, so theyll know how to take care of your kid.

amother

PlumPink

Tue, Mar 26 2024, 5:37 pm

My husband suffered from anxiety. His mother suffers terribly from anxiety. At one point I put my foot down and my husband went for help and is a different person. I watch my kids like hawks, and as soon as they exhibit signs of anxiety I send them to someone. I would rather give them tools now than to wait until they’re incapacitated in their 40s. My daughter was filling out her seminary application and one place asked if she ever went to therapy. She went for three months, but she didn’t want to lie and decided to apply to other choices instead. I agree kids should be asked after acceptances and going for help should not ruin someone’s chances.

amother

Lawngreen

Wed, Mar 27 2024, 12:16 am

amother PlumPink wrote:

All 3 sems DD was interested in applying to were asking about therapy and MH.
This is only one small side of seminaries. There are so many things that go into choosing BY sems to apply to - in/out of town, jappy/simple, academic/not, more/less yeshivishe, etc, etc.

amother

Lawngreen

Wed, Mar 27 2024, 12:26 am

amother OP wrote:

You are 100% right. Everyone needs to know themselves and know their children. Many times it is in the girl's own best interest to NOT go to sem in Israel, even though that's what she really wants. It doesn't help anyone to lie on the application if in all likelihood, the issues will be exacerbated in seminary. I'm not talking about simple issues that are under constant control. It sounds like you were on top of the situation while she was in sem also. If she would have not been doing well, you would have heard...

I'd have heard if she chose to share it.
This is such a complicated age and stage in life - not kids but not completely adults. As much as parents think they know their kids, they might not know them 100%.
Going to Israel is tricky and unpredictable. I feel it's impossible to know if it'll be to the girl's benefit or make it worse, be it MH issues, complicated home situations, being super shy, etc. You can literally find people with similar situations having completely opposite experiences.
Girls do have to deal with different issues there - dramas of many girls living together, roommate relationships, girls with various MH issues, SSA, girls coming from dysfunctional situations. Once there, it's really impossible to shield our kids from this. It's called life.

amother

Lawngreen

Wed, Mar 27 2024, 12:31 am

amother Burgundy wrote:

Umm, they ask very specific questions that the parents, student, and doctor have to answer about mental health history, meds etc.
So all 3 parties are lying? My kid has a mental health history; we were very honest and explained what happened and her current situation. (she is on meds). So did her Dr.
B"H she got into a very good and popular seminary.
This lying thing is crazy!

No, the lying is to say you don't have any mental health issues, never been on meds or in therapy. No Dr letters are necessary then. Our pediatrician didn't know about DD issues until he had to fill out the form for seminary and we told him.
Lying isn't that crazy when seminaries won't accept girls with MH issues. It's competitive as it is.