When do you flip kitchen back - vent

amother

Molasses

Sun, Apr 28 2024, 4:53 am

amother Royalblue wrote:

Op, each day of yt you should be taking a 3 hr nap while your husband or mil watches the kids. What you're dealing with is being dismissed by too many people here and is a true risk to your physical and mental health.
And please take as many sick days from work as you need post Pesach. You should get family leave for your toddler's surgery.

While you're 100% right in theory, going to take a nap with a newborn (ebf maybe? ) And a toddler who doesn't feel well isn't so simple. In my house, I'm the only one who can put either one to sleep, and that's not at the same time. So I keep being woken by overtired crying kids who need me to come put them to sleep

notshanarishona

Sun, Apr 28 2024, 5:46 am

amother Molasses wrote:

Ask your LOR, putting away dishes so you don't have to deal with it after yt may be a hachana problem

On Chol Hamoed, not on yom tov

amother

Cyclamen

Sun, Apr 28 2024, 5:51 am

notshanarishona wrote:

On Chol Hamoed, not on yom tov

You still need to ask your lor.
Chol hamoed it is assur to do all melacha except 1) what's needed for the chag 2) davar haaveid- but only a rav can determine what's considered a great loss

My rav said that packing away my dishes and pots is melacha that can't be done on chol hamoed

amother

Narcissus

Sun, Apr 28 2024, 6:33 am

amother Royalblue wrote:

This. Changing over isn’t your biggest issue, you need intense help starting today. If it means dh needs to stay home from shul and then hold the baby through the meals, then that’s what’s needed. Your situation is extreme and being so tired and stretched thin is a danger to you and your infant.

amother

Orchid

Sun, Apr 28 2024, 6:39 am

amother Periwinkle wrote:

If you live 5 minutes away, maybe it would be easier for you to go home by yourself on motsaei pesach?
You might get more sleep this way. Kids in their own bed.

This. You are definitely in my opinion exempt from all turning over motzei yom tov!!! You have a newborn, and a toddler who just had surgery. You should not be helping at all. Your job right now is to tend to your two babies who need you. It also sounds like toddler would do better in his own home and bed. This is a great idea.

amother

Slategray

Sun, Apr 28 2024, 6:58 am

amother Cyclamen wrote:

Mine said the same 😢

amother

Yarrow

Sun, Apr 28 2024, 7:21 am

I’m so sorry that sounds so challenging. It’s hard for me to understand is a mother-in-law. If my kids were really struggling, I would never ask them to help me turn back over. In fact, I don’t ask them to help me. I wait until they leave and my husband and I do it pretty quickly on her own. I’m trying to figure out why you take so many hours. It takes us maybe 30 minutes with everybody putting stuff away together. I must say that I’m guilty of doing some stuff today and doing some laundry about my life has been crazy and I have a parent that is not well who I’ve also been taken care of, so I really cannot leave too much to do the next day. But I’ve never really asked married kids to help me. I just pay for more help.

teachkids

Sun, Apr 28 2024, 7:37 am

teachkids wrote:

My parents have always flipped back motzei but this year my siblings didn't come and I have a baby who is up half the night so I just told them I'll be going to bed right after havdalah. They plan on staying pesachdik through shabbos

So curious if the hugs are sympathy for running on 3-4 hours of sleep or people to think I'm obnoxious for insisting on 3-4 hours of sleep when I should be helping instead.
(My parents are on low carb diets so they basically eat pesachdik year round anyway so my mother seriously doesn't care, but we did invite her to come to us for shabbos - which she turned down)

Amalia

Sun, Apr 28 2024, 8:45 am

OP,

I am sorry you got so little sympathy and understanding on this thread. (Maybe it’s because everyone is beyond stressed out with Yom Tov? Or is it because frum life is so hard?) Either way:

First and foremost, talk to your husband. If you are not up to talking, just copy your posts from this thread and ask him to read them. If he is a decent person - and I surely hope he is - he will understand that he needs to re-orient himself and focus primarily on you and on your children: both the toddler who is recovering from surgery (that is huge!!!!) and on the nursing baby. He needs to help you so that you don’t chas ve shalom break (physically or emotionally or both).

ETA: what everyone else does, whether it’s more reasonable to turn over on Motzai Yom Tov or the next day, all those considerations are completely irrelevant. The only thing that is relevant is your situation and what needs to be done in your situation, right now.

Last edited by Amalia on Sun, Apr 28 2024, 10:41 am; edited 1 time in total

creditcards

Sun, Apr 28 2024, 10:26 am

amother Molasses wrote:

I'm guessing you don't have little kids...

My kids start the day between 5:30-6:30 and my husband takes them so I can get my uninterrupted 2 hours of sleep. If he can't take them then then you'll be annoyed at me that they're screaming and waking everyone up, because I just can't get up and deal with them on 4 broken hours either (10-12, 2-3, 4-5 is the true story of 2 nights ago)

My kids also sleep late. I keep them on my schedule. I put them to sleep at 2 am as well and they sleep late with me. If they get up before me they play until I get up. The younger ones come into my bed or play on the floor next to my bed. They are used to me sleeping late.

amother

Molasses

Sun, Apr 28 2024, 10:34 am

creditcards wrote:

Lucky you. Mine don't. But how much clean up can you do anyway with them around???

It's good most of the time since we have to be out of the house at 7:45 every day, but there is no sleeping late in my house- so we just go to sleep early with the kids.

amother

Oldlace

Sun, Apr 28 2024, 12:13 pm

I do it the next day. I try to wipe off tablecloths and countertops at night so they’ll dry off. Then the next day move the pesach stuff (like sink inserts) to the dining room table (which is covered) so everything can dry off and I can put things away slowly. I wouldn’t want to stay up all night.

amother

Stonewash

Sun, Apr 28 2024, 1:28 pm

Completely agree with Amalia above. This isn’t a pesach turning over issue per se, this is a husband issue. Do your dh, and your ils to a lesser degree, not see how you’re struggling? You need to be clearly communicating what help you need from those around you. You’re dh’s first responsibility is to you- making sure you’re getting sleep and respite.

Can he take off a day of work , or come home earlier than 8 so you can get a break? The issue isn’t only pesach night, you need help longer term until things stabilize with your children.

amother

Oxfordblue

Mon, Apr 29 2024, 9:47 pm

amother DarkKhaki wrote:

Am I the only one here who puts stuff away chol hamoed? The stuff I'm not using anymore for the last days?
Just spent 2 hours doing so. And I even put soup pots away and warm up soup in disposable pots. Just keep out what I need for the last days of YT

Check with you lor if this is allowed before following this suggestion 😉

amother

Lavender

Mon, Apr 29 2024, 10:21 pm

teachkids wrote:

My guess is it's for staying Pesachdik through Shabbos.

amother

Lavender

Mon, Apr 29 2024, 10:22 pm

shabbatiscoming wrote:

Not everyone has the next day. Do your in laws possibly work the next day?
I know here in israel everyone has school on isru chag this year so we all go back to work and school and dont have an extra day to turn evetything back.
Also, most people want to have chametz.
I think if you are being hosted and still staying there after pesach, you really just hqve to allow your husband to help.

They do? I assumed my kids were staying home today. Why should they have school on Isru Chag?

amother

Lavender

Mon, Apr 29 2024, 10:24 pm

amother Yarrow wrote:

This. My son and DDIL were here for YT and they left right after without helping. She's pregnant and they have a baby and it didn't occur to me to ask them to help. I was surprised they even apologized for it.

amother

Honeysuckle

Tue, Apr 30 2024, 12:34 am

amother OP wrote:

If this is what it feels like to be a royal Highness I’d rather not be one.

This is why I started making pesach in my own home and never looked back.