When do you flip kitchen back - vent

amother

Sat, Apr 27 2024, 11:19 pm

Every year at my in-laws, we flip the kitchen back all motzei Chag. I never like it, I’m exhausted and we’re up till 2 am if not later cleaning. This year my toddler is recovering from surgery and I have a nursing infant. I probably won’t be helping much but my husband will be which means he’ll be exhausted the next day and I’ll be more on my own with the kids. I’m feeling upset about it and vented to my husband. Am I overreacting for wishing we could wait till the next day to flip back? I know they’re not going to change the plan so I’m just feeling upset.

amother

Amethyst

Sat, Apr 27 2024, 11:30 pm

Are u staying by them for the week? Can you leave motzei? I know it’s not the nicest but you can explain that a late night is so difficult with little little kids. Or Offer what you and your husband can do in the morning- grocery run? Etc.

amother

Sat, Apr 27 2024, 11:31 pm

amother Amethyst wrote:

We are staying by them for the week.
I don’t think we can get out of it. More just wanted to vent and was curious how common this is.

happy chick

Sat, Apr 27 2024, 11:33 pm

Most people like having chometz right after pesach. And if there are young kids in the house, that's not very safe (for the pesach stuff, I mean). And as an aside, I can't imagine being happy waking up the day after pesach to find all the pesach stuff still out.

I know it's hard, but I can understand your mil. Wishing your toddler a refuah shleima. And as a bonus, just 2 days after that will be shabbos again and we'll have another day of rest.

amother

Geranium

Sat, Apr 27 2024, 11:33 pm

It's hard, no denying that. But I think whoever is making Pesach needs to decide for themselves when they flip the kitchen back.

When I make Pesach ad host it's really hard to have guests that push me to flip back on their schedule when it's different from mine.

chestnut

Sat, Apr 27 2024, 11:36 pm

Yeah, pretty sure most families do flip back Motzei Yom Tov. Usually no one wants to eat pesach food more than absolutely necessary lol
Hope your toddler feels better soon.
Everyone still functions normally the next day, so not sure why your husband shouldn't be helping you with kids the next day. He may wake up a bit later, but otherwise it's business as usual.

amother

Aqua

Sat, Apr 27 2024, 11:40 pm

everyone I know changes back that night; I'm surprised that I never thought about doing it differently until I read this!
But that's besides the point...
same way they understand you won't be able to help much, can your husband say he's only able to help until, say, 12? unless he's the main help doing most of the work, not just assisting: in which case maybe you should get a say in when it's done.
I'd explain the situation before, though...that you'll need him to help the next day so he's happy to help until X time and again in the morning. maybe they will choose to wait until morning to have his help, or leave a pile of packed boxes out for him to put away in the morning (like if he's the one who will be needed to carry heavy boxes for everyone, for example)

Sat, Apr 27 2024, 11:40 pm

You have your difficulties, which are different this year than other years, which is understandable that you feel this way, especially on top of your dislike of it to begin with.
It really depends on circumstances. I don't have a Pesach kitchen and I want chometz ASAP, so I made it my business to be rested enough to stay awake Motzei YT to flip back. But this is me. Each to their own. If I'd have a Pesach kitchen, I guarantee you I would Not stay awake until the wee hours of the morning.
... And your kids are your top priority. Are you staying at relatives for YT? Then it's not your responsibility to flip back, it's theirs and if it's their responsibility, then they are the ones to make the decision.
About your husband helping you, maybe plan something with him that would work for both of you. It's beautiful that he wants to help, which should be respected, and at the same time, it's important that you get your needs met. Try being flexible with him so that it's not so hard for him to do both, you and helping with post yt work. Don't neglect yourself and at the same time don't ignore the beauty of helping those who allowed you to stay at their house and eat what they have prepared.

amother

Sat, Apr 27 2024, 11:44 pm

chestnut wrote:

He’d be up till past 2 flipping the kitchen, then we’ve been getting woken multiple times a night by either the toddler in pain or the baby. We have been trying to get to bed by like 10 or 11, never 2. So no, it wouldn’t be business as usual to get 4 hours of broken up sleep.

amother

Sat, Apr 27 2024, 11:46 pm

I know it’s not my choice which is why this is a vent. It’s just been weeks on end of my husband getting home late from work, then him helping them get ready for Pesach, while I’m on my own working and with the two kids . And I’m barely sleeping. I’m starting to feel sick and like that doesn’t matter to anyone.

amother

Dill

Sat, Apr 27 2024, 11:47 pm

You have some nerve. It's not that I don't sympathize with you; I do. But I object to your complaints. Your hosts have made it possible for you to get away with not making Pesach. They fed you and your family for a week. So your DH will help them turn their home back--that's the least he can do. It won't kill him. If you had had to make Pesach in your home you would both be a he--- of a lot more tired. It's beyond chutzpah for you to even dream about your hosts changing their plans to suit Your Highness's preferences. You don't like it? Stay home and make Pesach yourself.

chestnut

Sat, Apr 27 2024, 11:48 pm

amother OP wrote:

He’d be up till past 2 flipping the kitchen, then we’ve been getting woken multiple times a night by either the toddler in pain or the baby. We have been trying to get to bed by like 10 or 12, never 2. So no, it wouldn’t be business as usual to get 4 hours of broken up sleep.

Can he sleep a bit longer to make up for the late night, so he can be helpful the rest of the day?

amother

Royalblue

Sat, Apr 27 2024, 11:51 pm

Amother dill, OP has a toddler who just had surgery and is in pain. It's not a typical situation.
I agree with the idea to explain beforehand that your husband can help until 12 this year .
Side point, why does it take so long? We never stay up until 2 Motzaei Pesach, and yes we do finish then. It can be done quickly and efficiently.

chestnut

Sat, Apr 27 2024, 11:51 pm

amother OP wrote:

Ok, so it's about more than flipping over Motzei Yom tov.
I'm sorry it's been hard the past few weeks. In a few more days everything will be back to normal. Really hope you don't get sick now.

amother

Sat, Apr 27 2024, 11:53 pm

amother Dill wrote:

Our hosts are my in laws who live 5 min away. For the past couple weeks my husband has been helping them tremendously. We haven’t exactly been sitting on our behinds all day. I haven’t slept a whole nights sleep in Gd knows how long, my toddler is tantruming all the time, now he’s recovering from surgery and in pain, I’m nursing around the clock, and frequently have migraines from exhaustion. If this is what it feels like to be a royal Highness I’d rather not be one.

amother

Sat, Apr 27 2024, 11:55 pm

chestnut wrote:

Ok, so it's about more than flipping over Motzei Yom tov.
I'm sorry it's been hard the past few weeks. In a few more days everything will be back to normal. Really hope you don't get sick now.

Thank you. Maybe I did a bad job expressing the situation in the original post. I appreciate your sympathy.

amother

Dahlia

Sat, Apr 27 2024, 11:56 pm

My in laws always do it the next day, my parents that night.
We are doing it all motzei. I want the stress of the pesach stuff around to go away.
I’ll probably take out the chometz stuff and toys the next day but at least the pesach stuff are away.
Also why does it need to take so long? Maybe ask your in laws to start tomorrow with things they don’t need anymore so it takes faster

amother

Sat, Apr 27 2024, 11:58 pm

amother Dahlia wrote:

They have a large house and tons of dishes and pots, shelves to take apart and put away, lots of counter cover to clean…it’s a lot. I doubt it would take as long at our house.