Dd got period and didn't tell me

amother

Feverfew

Sun, Apr 28 2024, 2:07 pm

exhausted wrote:

I can't imagine not telling DH. Just like I told him when I bought my daughters their first bra. Of course I was discreet and so was he. But it's his daughter and he should know when she reaches milestones!! It's a big deal. It's only shameful if you make it shameful. We're very matter of fact about such things and bh my daughters are comfortable with their father knowing. It has also made kallah classes, bedikas and intimacy much more comfortable to talk about (in the appropriate setting).

Key point is that your daughters are comfortable with their father knowing. Which is fine, it's their news.

mummiedearest

Sun, Apr 28 2024, 2:07 pm

amother Blushpink wrote:

Can you give an example of a medical situation where this information would be needed immediately and dd not sharing or not being able to share would have negative medical consequences?
I’m talking about a healthy child that got their first period in a normal range, if dd is getting her period or at risk of getting her period extremely young or is old and hasn’t gotten it or there’s some other medical concern I understand keeping dh involved. For a regular girl who gets her period at a normal age and keeps getting them it’s just life not a medical issue to me.

Having a period is not a medical issue, I agree. I don’t think I need to list medical conditions as possibilities. In an emergency room situation they may not treat or test a girl until knowing these things. Whether or not I think it is medically relevant, doctors do take medical histories.

This is the way I do things. I have no interest in announcing a monthly event to the whole household, but if my girls want my husband to know, they know that he can handle it. They also know that this is a normal bodily function and that their father views it as such. Every household will obviously do things differently, and this way makes the most sense to me.

amother

Blushpink

Sun, Apr 28 2024, 2:35 pm

mummiedearest wrote:

You should do things however you want in your home but if you’re telling mothers here that it’s necessary for their dh to know in case of a medical emergency I would think you’d be able to give one concrete example of what that might be.
I find it very hard to believe that an emergency room would refuse treatment bec they don’t know when a girl got her period. Have you actually heard of that happening?

amother

Gray

Sun, Apr 28 2024, 3:11 pm

amother Blushpink wrote:

and would he even remember when she got it??
but I do think it's fine for a husband to know, just he shouldn't mention it to her.
I remember telling my mother not to tell ANYONE. Now as a mother myself, I don't remember how/when but I know my husband knows my daughter got it.

mummiedearest

Sun, Apr 28 2024, 3:29 pm

amother Blushpink wrote:

I was presenting another point of view. Any conversation here is food for thought. I didn’t say anyone needs to do things my way, just gave my thoughts on the matter. As for emergency room treatment, if the docs think pregnancy is a possibility, they will not run certain tests or administer medicine until a pregnancy test is run. They see enough pregnant teens that our religious values will not convince them that this is not necessary. And while pregnancy before one’s first period is possible, it’s unlikely.

Regardless of ER treatment, I have seen enough women who were brought up to be ashamed of their periods to see that creating an aura of complete secrecy around it can be harmful. Sometimes it’s good to hear differing perspectives on things just for the sake of hearing them.

amother

Cerulean

Mon, Apr 29 2024, 1:57 pm

I happened to be walking past my father's study and heard my mother in there, telling him that my younger sister had started her period. This made me realise that she must have told him about mine, which just left me so upset. In retrospect, maybe I could use the term violated, though that has extreme conotations. It felt like an infringement of my bodily autonomy. I didn't feel that anyone else had a right to what was going on in my body unless I chose to tell them. When I hadn't even told my mother, I didn't see that she had authority to tell anyone else.

Iymnok

Tue, Apr 30 2024, 4:38 am

I told DH, but way after the first time.
We were talking about organizing the bathroom and I told him the importance of a big enough and easy to use garbage. He has also picked up pads for them. (Wrapped in an opaque bag...)