Nosh on school trips -- is this a normal amount?

amother

Diamond

Sun, May 12 2024, 10:01 pm

amother OP wrote:

I'm not planning on saying anything. My lips are zipped. I just really want to know if this is normal or if I have a more serious issue on my hands that needs professional intervention.

As someone who usually had the most candy/ nosh on trips no this does not sound normal.

I don’t think there’s what to do now but in the future I don’t understand the all or nothing approach. Even if you don’t want to comment you can give loose guidelines- 2 snack bags, 2 candy/ chocolate type of things, one can be family sized to share etc.

Also I always pack some real food along- deli sandwich or cc sandwich because the candy just makes kids more hungry.

Eta after reading more of the thread I see what I said above might not have added much.

I want to second those recommending a therapist or dietitian (one that specializes in disordered eating, not a nutritionist that will make a diet plan). I would definitely not bring your child into this, I think there’s a lot to unpack for you by yourself- your relationship with her and food in general, a lot of the outside noise etc.

Once you’re on my stable footing it will be easier to guide her gently/ know when to back off and be confident in what you’re doing.

Tzutzie

Sun, May 12 2024, 10:29 pm

Amelia Bedelia wrote:

A $5 budget, as suggested above, is too low. She'd just get plenty candy with that, since candy is pretty cheap and she can get more candy vs snacks/chocolate/pastries.
For $5, she can probably get Skittles, Oodles, Mentos, M&Ms, Laffy Taffy, Mike and Ike, Snapple, and more.

However, if you give a higher budget, you can easily encourage her to choose more filling options, such as:
Danish $2.50
Chocolate bar $2
Two snack bags $.75 each
One exciting candy $2-$3
Drink $2.50

My kid always craves those disgusting red drinks. Those are at btwn $1-$2
That leaves $3+. They usually want chocolate, which is $1.49 - $2 the ones they like. So that doesn't leave much for so much junk. I like that they pick and chose and take their time choosing the nosh.
Taffies are cheap. For $1 you can get 16 taffies.... so are other junk. But if they want a bigger pk of candy or whatever need to get a smaller drink, the cheaper chocolate bar then they can be more candy/taffies/gummies/ whatever.
The $5 doesn't go that far. But I think for just junk food, for a 9 yo and 10 yo its enough. They haven't complained and so far always came home happy with their choices.
They can take as much healthy or healthy-ish snacks from home. Like the black forest stretch island fruit leather or some homemade cookies or cupcakes, yogurt pouches, chocolate covered rice cakes, granola bars. Sometimes they ask for a cut up apple. I'll put in a zipped bag w a drop of pineapple juice to keep the color from turning brown and we have cute mini ice pks for just this reason. Target sells them every spring for $1 a pc..

Oh, another trick. We bought a really cute but smalal trip bag. Kids think it's the absolutely cutest thing. But it doesn't fit too much... LOL

Ops daughter is older, so I guess a bigger budget would make sense.

amother

DarkRed

Sun, May 12 2024, 10:34 pm

amother Apricot wrote:

I don’t see that. Kids who have no limits overeat in my house and kids with limits say that’s too much nosh for me. I see it all the time. I think this is just a myth people spread to not feel guilty that they don’t teach their kids to eat in moderation.

It’s not true that it’s a myth, I see this time and time again. The kids who never get sugar at home find other ways to get it and eat it by the lb. Unhealthy over restrictive diets can cause a kid to desire stronger to do the opposite the moment you don’t see. My husband (grew up without sugar in the house), used to go to the store and buy bags of sugar and eat it by the cup until he wound up needing medical care

amother

DarkRed

Sun, May 12 2024, 10:36 pm

amother Apricot wrote:

amother

Tulip

Sun, May 12 2024, 11:39 pm

Op I skim read the replies so I might have missed out, but I noticed people talking about younger age kids. You can't compare a 4th grader to a 7th grader. My 7th grader has been getting my budgeting guidelines (snack, Nosh, an electrolyte dink in the summer along with alot of water etc. Since second grade. I would meet her at the register and everything had to be approved. In 4th grade my policy was we added chocolate as a winter treat, a mini bar,or a row from a big bar. And because chocolate melts in the summer she got gum. I hold onto the container and she got to take a few pieces each time. A 7th grader has way more independence. Last year my daughter craved chocolate so I taught her how unhealthy a whole bar of chocolate is. Because she told me her then 6th grade class would buy big bars of chocolate. Last pesach I gave her full access to all the chocolate she wants it made such a difference in not feeling deprived. I also told her it causes acne. My budget is $10 . But more for a fuller trip. Wheen the budget is bigger it used to buy unhealthy foods like Noodle soup and cold cuts. I fid it hard to believe that everyone sends their daughter with the same budget on each trip. If my kid is going to the local trampoline park under $10 it really enough. I allow the biggest budget for a park that requires bring your own lunch. I also assume my daughter will be very active on such trips. My daughter went this year to a government building. The Nosh was eaten and shared in the morning on the way there and going home. They did not allow any food in the building. Before the trip give your daughter a healthy filling breakfast. See what your daughter ends up eating and sharing after the trip.

amother

Lightcyan

Sun, May 12 2024, 11:39 pm

amother OP wrote:

Okay but even if it is communal, if everyone is pooling that amount of nosh they are all consuming that amount. And I don't really buy the communal bit. I mean, I'm sure she's gonna share, but I know my kids and they can eat a LOT of candy if no one's stopping them. Like a whole lot more than most kids. (And for all the haters, no it's not because I restrict them. Yes, I know for sure.)

I don't think she'll really eat all that much of it!
let her trust you and don't comment...
I think it's really smart that you gave her a budget..she's a big girl, not a four yr old anymore..
anyways, as kids move into their teens, their sweet tooth peeters out I find...

amother

Peru

Sun, May 12 2024, 11:46 pm

amother Tulip wrote:

Why would you tell her that? Sounds almost manipulative. Just educate her on food choices and portions. Everything is okay in moderation. And it's also okay once in a while if it goes a little bit beyond a normal portion.

amother

Lightcyan

Sun, May 12 2024, 11:46 pm

just want to add, I personally don't buy candy. If any of my kids ask, I'll buy whatever they ask for for Shabbos...
they usually forget to ask....I can't remember the last time I bought candy....I don't make it a big deal at all...I personally find candy very unappetizing and I share that with them......
I treat them all the time to breakfasts out, chocolate bars, and chocolate products (hot cocoa mixes, chocolate syrup) and I do buy soda for Shabbos as my kids enjoy and ask for it (they love coke and dr pepper!) personally I dont drink it and I find it gross as well....
I totally don't make it into a big deal...
for a while I had a deal with my kids (ages 9 and down) that they can bring me candy from school and I'll buy them prizes......this was totally up to them, totally their choice...and I really felt this way internally....while my preference was that they trade it in, I was totally ok with if they decided to eat their treat..
I think kids pick up on our internal anxieties....

amother

Impatiens

Mon, May 13 2024, 12:43 am

It's interesting to read all these replies and see how everyone is super aware of what their kids buy for trip snacks and what types etc.
I honestly can't even remember what my kids have bought for trips, because it just really never became a big deal. I think I usually give them 20 shekel (which is abt 5$) but beyond that its so not a big deal that I dont even remember.
I buy plenty of snacks on a regular basis for the house and dont really limit. Soda and candy is for shabbos but if they ask during the week I dont mind. Its funny because as they get older (low teens), they've asked me to buy them whole wheat bread instead of white, have started to prefer water over soda at the shabbos meals etc.
Otoh, I grew up pretty restricted. Not insane but I always loved junk and spent most of my money on cans of soda, chocolate bars, and candy and snuck alot of it when my mom wasnt watching.
I still love junk , am overweight and hate looking in the mirror. Ive tried so many diets but have zero self control. At this point, I definitely eat more junk than my kids. Embarrassed to admit that I at this point I hide the huge amounf of junk that I eat from my husband even though hes never said a critical word. I think the shame is just a part of me at this point.
Idk what the answer is, but at least for my kids I really see that the relaxed attitude towarda junk and the easy availability of it seems to have made it much less of an issue.
I am not saying that this is the case for all kids, I really do think some kids are just born loving candy and junk. I dont have a solution but I really think this can play a part.

Comptroller

Mon, May 13 2024, 2:38 am

amother DarkRed wrote:

That's my experience too.

And it can become a control issue, and when food becomes a control issue, it's dangerous. One mother who was very restrictive on candy and eating in general had a first daughter who developed anorexia, the second developed first bulemia and then anorexia, and all the children were caught stealing (for cake/candy).

amother

Mon, May 13 2024, 4:10 am

amother Begonia wrote:

OP,
I think you did a great thing for your relationship with your daughter.
I also think that you don’t have to worry about her eating it all.
I’m pretty sure there will be lots of hands outstretched with kids saying “can I have?”

Even if she only eats half of each package that's still waaaay too much for one child for one day. There's no way she's giving away most. And like I pointed out, if it gets traded, it's just for more candy. It's an awful lot of currency.

amother

Mon, May 13 2024, 4:11 am

amother Impatiens wrote:

Or maybe you just got lucky with your kids...

amother

Mon, May 13 2024, 4:15 am

amother DarkRed wrote:

It could be that kids who *never* get it will go overboard, but my kids get plenty of treats all the time even if we're more health conscious and I try to educate them and keep healthier versions at home. So clearly there are other factors at play.

amother

Amethyst

Mon, May 13 2024, 4:59 am

amother OP wrote:

You said your daughter didn’t trust you when you said you wouldn’t say anything about what she buys. Obviously you do exert a lot of control over her food choices.

amother

Cerulean

Mon, May 13 2024, 5:53 am

My situation sounds exactly like yours - I tried mostly healthy at home but didn't want my kids to feel deprived so I had junk in the house. But I was finding that I was policing food way more than I was comfortable with (it sounds like it was definitely less than some people's rules and instructions on here but it was more of a big deal than I wanted food to be).

I also have a very overweight 10 year old daughter with a MASSIVE sweet tooth. She'd sneak, she'd always want candy, treats, etc. Every class activity she was in charge of or part of involved candy and it was always her idea to add the candy, even when not necessary, etc. So I was getting frustrated with the amount of candy I was buying/she was eating.

About a year ago, I switched my whole outlook. I now stock up on all different types of pretzels, sometimes cheap snackbags, and buy one special snack for school. I buy a candy for Shabbos and the kids can have two igloos (tiny freezepops) a day. Other candy comes in depending on activities going on. And thats what's in my house. Plus fruits veggies and healthy stuff and if my kids ask for anything specific, I'll buy it once.

And I don't comment, I don't restrict, I don't not allow. If it's here, you can have it, whenever you want as long as you've eaten a meal first.
I also worked on my 10-year-old emotionally. We did DBT/C (it was for other issues but the goal was emotional health). I helped her choose and keep a best friend. I paid a LOT of attention to all her good sides. I help her find "grown-up" sweet things, like she can make hot cocoa whenever she wants.

And after a year, her sugar intake has gone down tremendously. I recently offered her chocolate and candy and she turned it down. She gave away her candy on Shabbos. She knows she can take an extra igloo anytime she's helping me if that gives her motivation so there's no more sneaking them. We have almost no discussion about food anymore aside from her asking me if something is healthy.

I know every kid is different but this worked really well in my house.
And I get you, OP. I really, really do.