Flying solo at bedtime :(

tovarena

Sun, Aug 24 2008, 8:13 pm

Until the babies were about 4 months, they didn't have established bedtimes, per se. Then from 4 until almost 7 months it was late enough to never interfere with davening times and from then until recently, davening was late enough that they were in bed before dh left for davening.

But now I get stuck almost every night by myself trying to get both babies to sleep. K'EH, they really are incredible babies, and if they each have someone to rock them and relax them into sleep, they'll almost always go down without so much as a peep, but myself, I just can't seem to get either of them to sleep (because the one I'm not rocking will make too much noise or will come pat the other one on the back and then they'll both start laughing at each other). Normally we do the bedtime routine downstairs - bottles, diapers, pjs, a baby einstein video, then rocking to sleep and take them upstairs to their room sleeping or almost asleep. But with only me, I end up doing the routine minus the sleeping babies part. So out of desperation, I end up having to let them scream in their cribs. We've done CIO, and while they do generally end up falling asleep within 10-15 minutes, I just HATE it. And since I know they WILL go down quietly, it just really makes me resent DH being out of the house at just exactly that time.

We can't afford to have help in the house every night - even just for that one hour. And I can't take one baby upstairs to rock to sleep while the other is downstairs because they'll scream and/or break out of their gated area. I've considered trying to do the video upstairs but we don't have a television in their room and no space for one.

So I'm just wondering what others do when trying to put their twins down at the same time? Do you have two people? Or do you have a way for getting two babies to sleep at the same time? Any ideas? TIA!

TwinsMommy

Sun, Aug 24 2008, 8:33 pm

ooh tough one since you're on two levels. Our house has three levels but everything baby related is on one level--- the upstairs is my office and no babies allowed, and the downstairs is the basement--- my husband's office, laundry room, etc, no babies allowed. So the living room, toys, kitchen, babies' room, bathroom, everything is on one level. So I'm able to bathe a baby while having the other baby in the gated off living room with toys with the bathroom door open so I can hear what's happening. I bathe one baby quickly, take a peek at the other one while I'm walking the bathed baby to diaper/pj's, and then leave the diapered/pjed baby out with the toys while I deal with the other one or if said baby is fussy, I plunk him/her in a 5 point harness high chair in front of an elmo dvd for 10 minutes. That little red monster works wonders.

If I were you, I'd probably gate off an area with fun toys they don't normally play with upstairs, but in a different area from their bedroom so you can leave one there while getting the other one into sleepy mode. But you said they break through gates. My kids are a lot older than yours and haven't figured out how to get through gates--- you have little houdinis? Smile

But just moving the bedtime routine upstairs might help.

Also, do you really have to rock them to sleep? Or maybe one twin needs it more than the other, if you sit and rock one twin while the other is in his her crib you can read a bedtime story to both at that time? I am super lucky that my kids don't want to be rocked unless there's a thunderstorm. They're happy to just be put down as long as they're fed and clean and tired.

Alternatively can you stand between the cribs and pat both their backs while they get sleepy if they do still both need you to comfort them to sleepmode?

Eowyn

Sun, Aug 24 2008, 11:01 pm

Personally, I would cut out the rocking. One thing I was really big on was that my twins learn how to go to sleep on their own. The sleep patterns they have now will be what establishes how they sleep for the rest of their lives.

CIO didn't work for us, but putting them to bed by 6pm did. I know it seems counterintuitive, but the more tired they are, the less likely they are to sleep well. We've followed this bed time since they were about 5 months old and they're 2 now and still going to bed 6:30-7pm. I would be by myself (cause DH works 12-8pm) so I'd bathe them, then dress them, then put them down and they'd be out within minutes. If they didn't have a good nap, I would put them down earlier.

No matter when their bedtime was, they would wake up at the same time, but if it was later, they'd wake at night and be extra cranky all the next day.

"Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Baby" was suggested to me by a twin mommy I work with and it really helped me. If we hadn't put them to bed at 6pm, I fully believe that my daughter would not have slept through the night til recently (my son did it on his own at 3 months).

tovarena

Mon, Aug 25 2008, 11:25 am

TwinsMommy wrote:

I plunk him/her in a 5 point harness high chair in front of an elmo dvd for 10 minutes. That little red monster works wonders.

O...M...G!! Thank you TM! I've done something similar before during the day - I just have NO idea why I've never thought of it during bedtime! We have high chairs that we rarely use (only when we're all sitting down at the dining room table - primarily shabbos afternoon), but most nights when I feed them, I have the fisher price boosters that I put on the floor, sit on the floor between them and feed the kids. A couple of times, I've been just absolutely over my edge and needed just one moment of quiet time, so I've sat them in their chairs, added the toy tops to the trays (which they rarely get so it's a special treat), turned the chairs towards the tv and turned on one of their videos. That can keep them quiet for at least 15 minutes straight. I think I need to start leaving one after dinner in our downstairs nighttime routine area. That might just well be an answer for how to leave one on their own downstairs. I don't think there's anything unsafe about those boosters if they're on the floor. I've seen dd get antsy in them and attempt to tip them (by planting her feet on the floor with force and arching her back at the same time), but she's never been actually able to. Or do you think the full size high chairs with 5 point harnesses are really that much safer?

TwinsMommy wrote:

If I were you, I'd probably gate off an area with fun toys they don't normally play with upstairs, but in a different area from their bedroom so you can leave one there while getting the other one into sleepy mode. But you said they break through gates. My kids are a lot older than yours and haven't figured out how to get through gates--- you have little houdinis? Smile

But just moving the bedtime routine upstairs might help.

If we had any other safe space upstairs, I think that would also be an option. Upstairs consists of the master bedroom and bathroom, the babies' room, a joint office, a bathroom in the hall and the hall that connects all those rooms along with a landing. DH does all sorts of computer work in the office so there are tons of small pieces everywhere. Definitely not child safe. So really there aren't any options for upstairs bedtime unless we use their room. But I keep wondering if even using their room might be a better option than trying to move two non-walking (heavy) babies between floors. I may try that as an option as well as the booster idea.

Oh, and the gates aren't really a houdini thing. Our downstairs is almost entirely one big open space. The only doors downstairs are a bathroom door, the pantry door, the laundry closet, and cabinets, oh, and I suppose the front and back doors Wink

. The gate we use is just one of those playyards wrapped around the living and part of the dining room that's safe. One end is tied down. But the other end wraps around behind a recliner so we just put heavy boxes behind it to keep them from shoving it open. The escape act comes from them double rushing the gate and toppling it over on top of the boxes then crawling over/around the toppled mess. It's almost funny.

TwinsMommy wrote:

Also, do you really have to rock them to sleep? Or maybe one twin needs it more than the other, if you sit and rock one twin while the other is in his her crib you can read a bedtime story to both at that time? I am super lucky that my kids don't want to be rocked unless there's a thunderstorm. They're happy to just be put down as long as they're fed and clean and tired.

Until about 7 1/2 months, they both would just go down so peacefully and happily. I thought I was the luckiest mom on earth. Then double ear infections and well, we've just never been able to get back to that place. DD screams almost, it seems, more as a matter of principal than actually being upset because is her brother is already asleep, she screams literally for under 30 seconds. If they're both up though, she'll scream along with him for the whole 10 or 15 minutes.

Eowyn wrote:

CIO didn't work for us, but putting them to bed by 6pm did. I know it seems counterintuitive, but the more tired they are, the less likely they are to sleep well. We've followed this bed time since they were about 5 months old and they're 2 now and still going to bed 6:30-7pm. I would be by myself (cause DH works 12-8pm) so I'd bathe them, then dress them, then put them down and they'd be out within minutes. If they didn't have a good nap, I would put them down earlier.

I don't know how common this is, but the time the babies go to sleep doesn't seem to ever cause them to be cranky the next day. And putting them to sleep after their normal 7:30 bedtime definitely does cause them to wake up later. I really haven't tried earlier and don't know what it would do, but it's pretty much logistically impossible. Unfortunately, I work full time out of the house. I pick up the kids at 5 and get home around 5:20-5:30. Till we do just even the bare basics of bedtime, it's almost 7 - and that's on nights that we don't do baths.

tovarena

Fri, Sep 05 2008, 10:28 am

TwinsMommy wrote:

I'm back on Imamother to 44 pages of new posts, good grief.

Ouch! Well, welcome back. Did you go away on a vacation? And thanks for checking in. It's funny because since this original post, I haven't had to test it out. I've had either DH or my parents at home almost every night since then. And when I haven't had one of them, both kids have fallen asleep downstairs so it hasn't been a big deal. Admittedly, I did make one change that helped - I think you and I had talked about this before - on Shabbos and Saturday nights, I am now keeping them up until more like 8:30 (rather than the regular 7:30). They're more tired to they are more likely to fall asleep downstairs (with the added benefit that they sleep a tiny bit later on Shabbos and Sunday mornings) which just makes everything so much less stressful.

TwinsMommy wrote:

I am laughing so hard at the thought of your kids double rushing the gate to topple the boxes--- TOO FUNNY!

Funny - because as they're doing it and screaming at the top of their lungs, I'm nowhere near as comically inclined towards the gate rushing routine. I'll have to video it one of these days and upload. Maybe it's one of those "funny to everyone else" sort of moments? Confused