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Forum -> Relationships -> Guests

Its time to leave

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Seraph

Wed, Aug 06 2008, 4:50 am

when you have guests (non sleepover), how do you politely let them know when you had enough and its time for them to leave? I dont know how to do this without either being rude, or being too subtle. Whats the best way, aside for saying "I think I have to go take a nap now"?

when you're a guest somewhere, how do you know when its time to leave, when the host is letting you know that he/she has had enough? I'm clueless on these two things, and help would be appreciated...

BeershevaBubby

Wed, Aug 06 2008, 5:07 am

You wait until there's a lull in the conversation and then you say "Well, thank you SO much for coming, but it's getting really late and we have an early day tomorrow/but it's time for Uriel to nap and when he naps, we take advantage and nap as well. We should do this again!"

And sometimes, I've had enough before my hosts have so I/we take our leave.

Bambamama

Wed, Aug 06 2008, 5:55 am

I would probably tell them that they're welcome to stay and make themselves at home, but you really have to take a nap. Only do this if you really don't mind if they stay, but most people would get the hint and leave.

Tamiri

Wed, Aug 06 2008, 9:50 am

"What can I get you to drink before you leave" will generally get the job done LOL

Rutabaga

Wed, Aug 06 2008, 9:57 am

My mother has a cousin with an ingenious system to get rid of guests Friday night. He sets the timer on the lights to go off when he wants them to leave, and then he has the lights go back on half an hour later so they can see to clean up. LOL

octopus

Wed, Aug 06 2008, 10:27 am

If my guests feel comfortable staying the whole afternoon- so be it! I love having guests and they are more than welcome to stay. If they want to leave, that's ok too.

It's very hard as a guest to gauge what the host wants. Some hosts don't want you to leave(I.e. they get insulted), others want you out the door right after the meal is over.

Lani22

Wed, Aug 06 2008, 10:32 am

We bench......this usually indicates that the meal is over and its time to leave

greenfire

Wed, Aug 06 2008, 10:46 am

don't you know the saying about guests & fish ... they start to smell ...

how about taking one of your dh's fish and leaving it for them to get grossed out by the smell ... What

Seraph

Wed, Aug 06 2008, 10:58 am

I wasnt just talking about shabbos guests... what about during the week guests that just pop in to visit?

BeershevaBubby

Wed, Aug 06 2008, 11:03 am

Rutabaga, I LOVE that idea!

Seraph, during the week if someone overstays their welcome... tell them you have to get to the Makolet before it closes because you need to buy ingredients for dinner.

Or you can say "I've really enjoyed your company but I've got housework to do. Thanks so much for coming over".

biz120

Wed, Aug 06 2008, 11:12 am

DH always says in yiddish: I can't go to sleep because I have guest, but why don't the guest go to sleep?
E1 jsut laughs, if u know him and his personality...

Akeres Habayis

Wed, Aug 06 2008, 1:01 pm

if its friends,I'm honest.and expect them to be the same
if its shabbos guests,then I stay up,till they are ready to leave,usually they get the hint, if they see dh going to bed.or if not,I politely tell them good night u are welcome to stay,can I get u a blanket?

Bambamama

Wed, Aug 06 2008, 1:17 pm

Seraph wrote:

I wasnt just talking about shabbos guests... what about during the week guests that just pop in to visit?

In that case I would thank them for coming and say "I'd really love to spend more time talking but I have so much to do. Maybe you could come back on Shabbos? (or for a Shabbos if they don't live in the neighborhood)"

freidasima

Wed, Aug 06 2008, 2:09 pm

Rutabaga, I love the idea!!!

Now what do you do for guests during the day?

TzenaRena

Thu, Oct 23 2008, 12:59 pm

If one of us have to go somewhere, or do something, I tell them in the beginning of the meal, so that if we have to end quickly they understand. I'll say, " hope you don't mind, we're rushing tonight,, because our friend/cousin/ BIL is making a Sholom Zochor, and we're leaving at ---. " Or "my son's friends are coming for a mesibas Shabbos at ---, so we are finishing early" etc.

After dessert has been served, at any time mayim achroinim has been brought to the table, it's a sure sign that we are bentsching, after bentsching, it's pretty obvious that the meal is over! another good cue is for dh to put his hat back on for bentching.

we also don't have a living room for things to carry over to afterwards, so that's when everyone thanks us for the delicious meal, and departs.

When it's not Shabbos, I think it's even easier, there are tons of things that always need to be done, and you just get busy with something, especially a child who needs help, maybe while still talking to your guest at the same time, but they will sense that it's time to go. Most normal,polite people do. I think you have to be kind of a nudnik not to pick up on that cue.

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