Is this consequence ok?

black sheep

Tue, Jul 15 2014, 4:57 pm

my first reactions was that there should not be any consequence for eating a sandwich. it's not like he took cookies or chips for breakfast, or ate the roast you cooked for shabbos.

I also don't think it should be a very big deal to make a sandwich. two slices of bread and a smear of peanut butter, wrapped in foil, that should take about half a minute. the main concern I have here is that you are not seeing this situation rationally because you are overly concerned with not going near food when you are fasting. but that really isn't practical for a mother.

on the other hand, if he has food available for him at school, it isn't the biggest deal. he will survive. but it would have been best to send the fruit and yogurt with him right in the morning instead of making him feel bad for eating a sandwich. or just make another sandwich.

Shopmiami49

Tue, Jul 15 2014, 5:00 pm

amother wrote:

I don't understand why he needs to be PUNISHED. He was in the mood for a sandwich - a perfectly healthy option. He ate it. I didn't hear that he smashed it on the floor or threw a tantrum about it.

The only thing he needs is to understand that Mommy doesn't make sandwiches on short order, so he can feel free to make himself another one or take breakfast food for lunch.

I don't like denying my children healthy food because it's not on my schedule, but I do draw the line on preparing or cleaning up after them when it's not mealtime.

He needs to be punished because he didn't listen to mommy. Just because he is in the mood to eat something healthy means it's ok to go against what mommy said?

5*Mom

Tue, Jul 15 2014, 5:01 pm

amother wrote:

Why can't the consequence be he makes his own sandwich? A 5 year is more than capable, assuming everything is in reach or you have a stepstool

I still don't understand why this warranted an imposed consequence at all. How about, "Whoops, you ate your lunch for breakfast. Here, you can take your breakfast for lunch." This is a classic case of much ado about nothing. I had an oldest 5-yr-old once too and I can tell you that when we get into patterns like this with our kids, it doesn't turn out well.

MaBelleVie

Tue, Jul 15 2014, 5:01 pm

Shopmiami49 wrote:

He needs to be punished because he didn't listen to mommy. Just because he is in the mood to eat something healthy means it's ok to go against what mommy said?

It's really not clear how op presented this rule. I'm also wondering how she missed the entire event and only found out about it afterward.

deena19k

Tue, Jul 15 2014, 5:05 pm

I don't get why everyone here seem to be rationing out their kids' food all the time. I think a more relaxed attitude to taking food at home is a much healthier way for kids to grow up I'm not saying to let your kids eat junk all day, but to relax and not be so uptight about it.

Maya

Tue, Jul 15 2014, 5:10 pm

deena19k wrote:

I think this leads to a mother being a short order cook and cleaning maid all day long, especially if she has a large family. I don't know about anyone else, but I don't want to spend my whole day feeding my kids. It's difficult enough for me to do it three times a day.

deena19k

Tue, Jul 15 2014, 5:10 pm

Shopmiami49 wrote:

He needs to be punished because he didn't listen to mommy. Just because he is in the mood to eat something healthy means it's ok to go against what mommy said?

Seriously? Punished for not listening to mommy? How would you like to have to ask your husband permission every time you were hungry? It's not like he broke open the nosh cabinet or something. Maybe he wasn't in the mood for cereal this morning? You never get in the mood for sonething different to eat sometimes? If his mother had been in the kitchen, he could have asked her for something else. But she obviously wasn't around. So he took care of it himself.

Tue, Jul 15 2014, 5:11 pm

Everyone has to run their homes in a way that works for them. OP seems to have a busy home, and she has to be organized to keep things running smoothly. While making a sandwich takes 5 minutes, 5 minutes eventually add up, and she obviously can't handle that in the morning.

I don't think she did anything wrong. She KNEW her son would get something to eat in day camp. What is wrong with saying to a kid "you ate your lunch, now you don't have it anymore". This isn't necessarily about food - it's teaching a child responsibility and consequences. If you do x, then y will happen.

When your child spills her milk, do you say "that's okay, sweetie, here's some more milk" or do you say, "okay. You spilled your milk, made a mess, and now you need to wipe it up"

I believe in consequences. Clearly, not everyone on this forum does.

teddyb

Tue, Jul 15 2014, 5:11 pm

it seems to me like OP made her kids lunch the night before and left it in his reach and in the morning he was hungry, found the sandwich and ate it.

then op was upset cause she didnt want to touch food and anyway did not have enough bread for another sandwich.

tho there could be a history that this child takes his lunch at breakfast time and OP has told him not to in the past... but then OP should know better then to leave premade lunches in his reach....

deena19k

Tue, Jul 15 2014, 5:12 pm

Maya wrote:

So teach your kids how to make uncomplicated things like sandwiches etc. No need for you to do it all.

5*Mom

Tue, Jul 15 2014, 5:16 pm

Maya wrote:

But this wasn't that. OP had something in her head but she didn't share it clearly enough with her small hungry child. She also wasn't around when he was ready for breakfast. I think it's great that he found something good to eat on his own. And she said breakfast was meant to be yogurt and a fruit which can easily be substituted for a sandwich in a lunch box so really, no harm done there.

I think the issue here is OP's anxiety about the fast, not her son disobeying his mother or needing to learn boundaries or consequences or whatever. But I also think that in the grand scheme of things, this is a very small parenting oops, as long as it's not part of a larger pattern. I think OP and her son will both move on just fine from this. I'm amazed that this has turned into a 3-page thread.

Maya

Tue, Jul 15 2014, 5:23 pm

5*Mom wrote:

I was responding to the poster questioning why people aren't more relaxed with food in general, not this particular scenario. If this happened to my kid, I'd just make a new sandwich, and I'm a pretty rigid mother.

5*Mom

Tue, Jul 15 2014, 5:33 pm

Maya wrote:

Oh.

EmesOrNT

Tue, Jul 15 2014, 5:33 pm

Where did anyone get the idea that this was a punishment? Its a consequence. You ate your lunch, so theres no more lunch. It's a teaching moment. He didn't go hungry, there would have been lunch in school for him.

As for constantly preparing food - no. Just no. I do not run a restaurant.

Maya

Tue, Jul 15 2014, 5:37 pm

EmesOrNT wrote:

The question is, how big of a "sin" is it for a child to eat a prepared sandwich for breakfast instead of lunch? Is it something that merits a consequence at all? Maybe I just have a soft spot for hungry kids, but to me it seems innocent enough for a five year old.

deena19k

Tue, Jul 15 2014, 5:39 pm

EmesOrNT wrote:

As for constantly preparing food - no. Just no. I do not run a restaurant.

Like I said, teach your kids to do it themselves. I'm not either interested in preparing food all day. But what's wrong with a kid deciding one morning that he's not in the mood for cheerios, so he makes himself a peanut butter sandwich or something? Teach him to clean up after himself as well. What's the problem with that?

Maya

Tue, Jul 15 2014, 5:45 pm

EmesOrNT wrote:

It has nothing to do with it being a sin. It's something he just did. But he ate his lunch. I you eat your lunch, you have no more lunch.

What does it mean, it's just something he did? Does everything we do merit a consequence? If I eat my lunch for breakfast because I was hungry and this was the only prepared food around, does that mean I now can't eat lunch? I'll make myself a new sandwich for lunch. If I'm out of bread, then I can't have another sandwich, but that's just a natural consequence, not one imposed upon by someone else.

Maya

Tue, Jul 15 2014, 5:47 pm

deena19k wrote:

There's a difference between preparing different foods during mealtime, and preparing food at random times during the day. It seemed to me that you implied that kids should be allowed to eat whatever they want, whenever they want.

EmesOrNT

Tue, Jul 15 2014, 5:48 pm

Maya wrote:

Exactly. There was no more bread. There was his breakfast food though, so thats what he can eat.