What do you think of this approach?

amother

Mon, Oct 18 2010, 4:02 am

DS is three. He was toilet trained easily in a day, for both gedolim and ketanim. Then he started making gedolim in his pants. Then he started randomly making puddles on the floor, sometimes making on the floor, sometimes in the toilet, whatever he felt like at the time. My assessment after having talked to him and observed him is that he has total control, sometimes feels lazy such as when he's tired, and whether feeling lazy or not, enjoys making puddles (finds it fun) and likes the feeling of making gedolim in underwear, even more than in a diaper. I have told him that underwear is for boys who make in the toilet and that he is not allowed to make in it. He just says that he likes to make in it. He has also learned that he can have underwear if he says that he will make in the toilet, but he'll say that and do differently. Apart from anything else, I don't want to train him to lie.

We decided to put him in diapers for a couple of weeks and try not to talk about it. Of course, the subject will come up a bit if and when he decides that he wants to make in the toilet, which I let him do and then put a diaper back on right after. I am hoping that he will decide at some point that he wants underwear again and that I will be able to negotiate with him then that he will not make in it. He will then not want to go back to diapers and will understand that that is a consequence of making on the floor.

He is in a gan where most but not quite all kids are toilet trained. He is among the youngest. He is aware but apparently not very embarrassed.

What do you think of what we decided to do? Has this worked for anyone? Do you have a better approach?

merelyme

Mon, Oct 18 2010, 9:55 am

I would not put a diaper back on. I would calmly get him to help clean up.
I'd also calmly explain to him that tzitzis are kadosh and can only be worn when the person is clean. When he's been clean and dry for _______ (you decide - a day, three days) then he can wear tzitzis.
Hatzlacha and nachas!

Imama

Mon, Oct 18 2010, 3:05 pm

I have a similar situation. My dd is nearly 3, also in a gan where she is one of the youngest (if not the youngest) and one of the few non-toilet trained kids. I've been through scenarios similar to what you describe (minus the tzitzis of course!) and have decided to leave her in diapers for now and try as hard as I can to make it a non-issue. Granted, it's hard since going to the bathroom is a big focus for these little people, but she does now realize that the Dora underwear are put away until she goes in the toilet ("soon, ima, soon" she says). Bottom line, though, is that she also realizes who's in control about this issue -- she is. Clearly, that's the way she likes it.
So, I say, keep the diapers on, try not to let ds see how much it's bugging you, and wait.
Hatzlacha!