5 yr old still bedwetting

amother

Thu, Nov 04 2010, 11:46 pm

marina, although your methods might work, they sound a bit harsh. Although they work, you do not know if they cause increased stress or anxieties to your child. No, I am not into natural parenting, I'm just into being normal, and treating my kids the way I think is best for them. Think, would you want some nurse in an old age home treating you with the same methods as you are using on your kids?

I think not.

marina

Thu, Nov 04 2010, 11:59 pm

Analogy doesn't work. People in a nursing home need to be taken care of on their final journey. They do not need to be taught independence and coping skills for the next 115 years.

And of course I know what methods cause stress and anxiety for my kids. Which mother doesn't?

Stress in moderate doses is good for you.

And if you are into being normal, that's fine too. Please do whatever works for your child, whether that's an expensive alarm system or just you cleaning up their sheets until the situation resolves itself in some other way.

Mama Bear

Fri, Nov 05 2010, 12:29 am

Marina, that method only works if a child wets out of spite. what if they wet because their bladder is immature or if they need to be trained not to wet? If the child wets on purpose, cleaning up their mess could be a deterrent. not if they cant help it.

marina

Fri, Nov 05 2010, 2:00 am

Kids don't wet out of spite. That would be very weird.

My kids generally wet b/c they don't have any reason not to. They are half asleep, nice dreams, their bed is warm, the bathroom is far away and... frankly, I wouldn't get up either if I was them.

If they know that they are going to have to be the ones to clean it all up, it is just a bit more likely that they will make that extra effort to drag themselves out of bed.

Of course, if there is a bladder problem this will not work. And that's why I waited until she was 5 to do this. And if it wouldn't have worked, I would have made an appointment with a pediatrician.

I'm just sharing what worked for me, if you don't need or you think your child will have psychological problems from being told to change his linen, don't do it.

willow

Fri, Nov 05 2010, 7:30 am

Wow I did not expect so many wonderful posts so fast. I don't know what to do. I really think she is not capable of cleaning up after herself in the night. I need to check that bed wetting device you suggested. I do think in the morning I can and should make her clean herself. But I also feel bad because the one thing I do not want her to feel is shame

Hashem_Yaazor

Fri, Nov 05 2010, 9:22 am

Mama Bear wrote:

Okay, spite, laziness, I meant to say "on purpose."

My second is like this. He even admitted it to me. He's 3.5. He's like this in general...takes his jolly old time, staring into space, till he starts going. (Sounds like me!)

But cleaning after himself isn't an option -- we don't have laundry.
He was dry for awhile and then had 3 consecutive wet beds. So last night we put on a diaper. We discussed how he should go to the bathroom when he needs to, even if it's warm and cozy in bed (am I the only one who notices a correlation between bed wetting and being cold outside?) and even if he's wearing a diaper. Guess what? His diaper was dry last night.

So yes, some children do not summon up the energy to make it to the bathroom in time even though they aren't deep sleepers (he most definitely is NOT) and these kids generally don't have bladder problems.

I see nothing wrong with Marina's method. When said firmly but in a loving tone, the child doesn't have to be negatively affected. It's just a matter of fact. "I'm not going to be upset if you wet your bed, but you're big enough to clean up after yourself."
But of course, if there is a physical problem, this won't help...

willow

Fri, Nov 05 2010, 9:29 am

amother wrote:

count another who disagrees with marina's parenting method, too harsh. do you think she was waking up and just not going? no, children sleep too deeply and don't feel that they have to go.

I do not disagree with anyone on this, you have to know your child. My child in particular feels bad about it. She will wake up in the morning and tell us I am so sorry I did not feel it. She is not a big sleeper but I don't think she is capable of waking up on her own to use the bathroom. My dh thinks she could but I just do not see how.

pina colada

Sun, Nov 07 2010, 10:08 am

willow wrote:

amother wrote:

count another who disagrees with marina's parenting method, too harsh. do you think she was waking up and just not going? no, children sleep too deeply and don't feel that they have to go.

Do not allow any drinks two hours before bedtime. It works for most of the kids. If it doesn't, try the malem bed alarm.