Need to see a therapist?

baba

Tue, Nov 30 2010, 8:32 am

I posted about my dd (4)'s major setbacks in tt here.
Since then, she has regressed even more. We stopped trying with the nights and just put on a diaper, since it was getting ridiculous. Lately, she's peed in her pants every single day.
We've tried rewards, charts etc, and even though she seems excited at first, in the end she doesnt care anymore.
It's just getting worse and worse and at this point I'm wondering if she should see a professional. We're almost positive it's connected to the great-grandfather passing away, since that is when it started. She still talks about it sometimes (right, we're sad cause he's not here any more). Also, she's never had an accident in gan and when we're out and about she's usually fine (except in the car). It happens most days at home and always when she's at her grandmother and great-grandmothers (the daughter and wife of the one who passed away) (she goes to each one afternoon a week). It doesnt matter how many times I remind her and put her on the toilet, it still happens.

Maybe she really hasnt processed the death and could use some help?

baba

Tue, Nov 30 2010, 8:35 am

I just copied the older post so you dont have to go to it:

My dd (almost 4) has been tt for a while.
She was day trained about 1.5 years ago and at night for almost a year.
A few months ago dh's grandfather passed away. She understands as much as she can for her age and of course saw family members she's close to crying and upset. During the week of the shive she had a few accidents, even while she wasnt sleeping. Then it got better again and while we were on vacation she didnt have a single accident. Now, suddenly, she's peeing all the time. Almost every night, sometimes during daytime naps and even sometimes while awake. I'm close to putting diapers back on her, though dont want to since I know she can do it. She also doesnt want to put on diapers. I know she's a very deep sleeper and that used to be why she wouldnt stay dry.
Anyone have any advice?

baba

Wed, Dec 01 2010, 5:27 am

Please, anyone?
I understand most havent dealt with this issue. But do you think I'm crazy to even consider taking her to a therapist over something like this.
It's really just getting worse, and I simply dont know what to do anymore. I'm afraid that it is a sign that she is still troubled by the death of a close relative and needs some more help.

ILOVELIFE

Wed, Dec 01 2010, 5:42 am

I think it can't hurt to get a GOOD professional involved. I can't emphasize the word good enough times!!!

Having said that, I have one child who regressed and then bounced back without explanation I think with some kids stress is a huge factor and as soon as certain situations change so does their physical make up KWIM?

baba

Wed, Dec 01 2010, 5:53 am

Thanks for your reply and I totally agree with what you wrote. The only thing here is that he passed away end of June and while it was bearable for a while, lately it has only gotten worse (though she doesnt seem to have any stress and nothing has changed). Which is why I think she maybe hasnt processed it all the way she needs to and we need to have some outside help. (and yes, where doesn one find a good preofessional?!)

TwinsMommy

Sat, Dec 04 2010, 10:38 pm

my almost 4 year old twins aren't yet trained (which is why I hang out in this forum) because they have developmental delays. It doesn't bother me as much that they're not trained yet as it would if they WERE trained and then regressed.

My son walked at 14 months for a week. And then REFUSED to walk again until 21 months--- from 14 months to 21 months he walked on his knees and wouldn't stand up holding our hands because he was terrified we would let go and encourage the walking. That step back scared me and clued me in that he needed help. In his case there are diagnoses and delays explaining it.... but even in a neurotypical child, a regression in a major milestone (not an occasional accident, but DAILY like you said, WOULD in my mind make me want to take her for help. I'd start with the pediatrician and see if there is a toilet training expert in your city---- I was just given the name of a toilet training expert here that I'll be calling this week to I can truly get the process STARTED with my kids.

Maybe it was the great grandparents passing, but maybe it's something else--- something physical, something emotional---- an expert could help. good luck!

marina

Sat, Dec 04 2010, 11:11 pm

Ok, what reward system have you tried?

Typically, what my kids need was:

1. I take them off all sugary snacks

2. They get a small sugary treat ( choc. chip) if they go on the toilet.

3. For one kid, I had to buy a toilet toy, a special toy that she wanted, that she could only use if she was sitting on the toilet.

That typically works to get them trained.

To get them to stay trained is another story b/c they will get engrossed in playing or whatever and forget and by the time they remember, it's too late.

So I implement a small consequence. They have to take a shower. A regular, warm shower after they have the accident. My kids hated showers, they hated the feeling of water running in their face, so this was a perfect punishment b/c they simultaneously got a consequence they didn't like AND got used to showers, which they all now take happily.

So if I was you, I would find something like that, a small consequence that happens after she has an accident. Maybe she has to stop playing and put her clothes in the washing machine & clean up the mess, or something else.

Also, I reminded them all the time and if they didn't listen to the reminder, I interrupted whatever they were playing with until they went.

baba

Wed, Dec 08 2010, 8:26 am

Thanks for your advise.
We've given up on the idea that she actually can do it and are now treating her as we did when we first started training her.
So far, so good. The last 2 days have been accident free, which hasn't happened in a long time.
If this doesn't work though, we will go to a professional.

Marina, thanks so much for the extra tricks, I already try some, but will use some of yours as well.