kid no 4 due, wondering about sleep methods already!

mommygirl

Sat, Dec 25 2010, 2:52 pm

crazy maybe - but this is what keeps awake at night wondering:)
kid no 1 had a pacifier and a bottle and always had sleeping issues (either spitting out the pacifer, or having so much to drink in the bottle, wet diapers ) I felt she never ever slept. Finally at 2 after much sleep deprivation, sleep trained her. to this day, she has a hard time falling asleep.
kid no 2 s- sleep trained her at 4 months. she has no problem falling asleep but she seems to lack confidence, not have self esteem and wondering if that was the cause. I only realized afterwards, all chinuch experts say not before 6 months.
kid no3 - also sleep trained eventually at 2...but 2 years of exhaustion and frustration

I have read that some mommy's from day 1 put their newborn down, and let them cry for up to 10 minutes and voila they never suffer from the first two years of sleep deprivation. Now I find it hard to listen to my child crying for more than 30 seconds, but maybe saving the baby the agony of being trained later is worth it.

ADVICE????

MommytoB

Sat, Dec 25 2010, 8:11 pm

I wouldnt let a newborn cry for ten minutes! However, a slightly older baby -- a couple months old, I wait a couple of minutes -- under 5 -- to see if they will fuss a little and then quiet down. So not crying it out, but giving them a chance to fall asleep on their own. If not, I will go back in, nurse again, put them back down until they are asleep.

I've found a couple of things out (My 4th is 4 months):

1) begin as you mean to go -- if you want bedtime at 7pm when baby is older, start a routince asap. So even if it takes you a few hours to settle baby to sleep, even if baby wakes up every hour and a half after you get them to bed, do a routine with dark quiet room aiming for that 7pm time and after that whenever you go in, make sure it stays dark and quiet.

2) I have really found for little babies, they cry for a reason. My first I tried crying it out when I could not soothe her to sleep and it turned out she just did not want to be swaddled anymore. With this newest addition, as long as baby burps he will fall asleep but if I do not get that burp out (and sometimes it can tak a long time) he will ALWAYS cry and not fall asleep on his own. So try to find whatever is bothering baby.

3) do not use 'crutches' that you need to wean them off -- ie pacifiers, noise machines etc.

4) the more they sleep, the more they will sleep. There is not such thing as sleeping too much. Days when I cannot get my baby to nap past 2:30 are much harder to get him down for the night. Newborn should be up for less than an hour at a time (inclduing feeding) and should then nap. older babies about 1 1/2 hours. If you miss the window, you have an overtired cranky baby who will not settle to sleep.

Good luck!

ttbtbm

Sat, Dec 25 2010, 8:28 pm

After child #1 still wasn't sleeping when child #2 was born!!! I finally just let her cry! We had tried the Ferber method when she was about 10 months old. We really followed it but when night number 3 rolled around and she was still screaming after 3 hours (and this was after 3 days of her crying through her naps and crying for hours at night - and falling asleep sitting up - and waking up and crying...!!!) we gave up on the Ferber Method. When we let her just cry herself to sleep and 18 months when #2 was born she finally figured out how to go to sleep. It took a few nights but I think the constant coming in and out (with the Ferber Method) just didn't work for her. #2 and #3 were much more laid back kids and sleeping wasn't a major issue. Then #4 came along and from day 1 we saw she was a miniature of #1. So I panicked. When #4 was 6 weeks old someone told me about a book called The Happiest Baby On The Block. It totally worked! It calmed her down (both were very high srtung babies - and they are still high strung!) but the swaddling helped her sleep. From the first night that I correctly swaddled her when she was 6 weeks old (with a real swaddling blanket) she slept through the night. I had to let her cry it out a bit when she started moving around more so her swaddling would become undone. But it took one night and in general this kid slept and she still sleeps! I didn't do it with #5 becuse she was more like her other siblings who were calmer by nature. But that book saved my sanity!

MommytoB

Sat, Dec 25 2010, 10:30 pm

Yes, I definetly recommend swaddling! With arms in as long as possible so they dont startle awake fromt heir own hands and then arms out and uppser body and legs swaddled. Get a good big swaddle blanket and learn the proper way to swaddle -- a lot of parents think their babies don't like the swaddle or break out of them but that can be because they are not being swaddled right or the blanket is too small (I like swaddle designs blankets). I find my babies gave a few 'squaks' when I wrapped them up and put them down, and then fell right to sleep.

mommygirl

Mon, Dec 27 2010, 6:40 am

thanks for all the responses. I will try swaddling. Mommy2be , you said only from a couple of months do you let them cry for 5 minutes. What I am scared of happening again, is getting my newborn in to the habit of being shukled to sleep. If you don't give a newborn a pacifier or nurse them to sleep then how do you get them to sleep without teaching them bad habits from day 1?

Did anyone out there ever train a baby from day 1 not to be shukled, or held or anything and just be put down to sleep when they are ready? Is it possible at all?

Thanks!

MommytoB

Tue, Dec 28 2010, 2:17 pm

For my first three I DID nurse to sleep and when they got older and would stay awake while nursing, there were not really transition issues to getting them to fall asleep on their own.

As I mentioned when DC #1 wouldnt settle (at like 8 months) I decided to try cry it out. The second night I decided, while I am doing this lets get rid fo the swaddle too. Got rid of swaddle and baby went right to sleep. No more issues.

I would love to nurse DC #4 to sleep but every single time I do that he is up screaming and needs a burp. Then I need to start it all over so it is easier to keep him awake nursing, burp him and put him down awake. If he is dry, fed, and not overtired, he fusses for about 2 minutes and is out.

With little ones I would not do serious crying for 5 minutes. There is a difference between those screaming crys where you know they need you and fussing noises where they may be a little upset not to be in your warm arms anymore but they are really ok. That kind of noice I would leave for up to 5 minutes and if I needed to nurse more after those 5 minutes I absolutly would.

For me, I never thought nursing to sleep was a problem as long as a) baby was sleeping in his own crib (I believe in nursing on demand, but scheduling sleep -- co-sleeping does not work for me because as delicious as it is to have a nice, soft, warm body next to me at 2am, then I am teaching them to fall asleep with ME instead of falling asleep nursing in a chair and then staying asleep in a crib). As a newborn I might be in the room half the night nursing, but in the long run it was worth it because baby was used to, and lihed his crib. and b) no sleep aids -- the only sleep aid was me! I am the human pacifier... and c) nighttime was always nighttime. After 6:30, no lights on (I turn a nightlight on in the hallway when I go in so I can see to change diaper, no talking etc.

So instead of rocking to sleep, I would do this: For a newborn, about 15 mintes after they have been awake, I start nursing (b/c a newborn can take a long time to nurse and I want them in crib in under 1 hour), I nurse on one side, burp, change diaper, swaddle, nurse on the other side, burp, place in crib. If baby is already asleep, great. If not, as a newborn I would stay and watch and see if he would fall asleep, if not nurse again and put back down -- but not rock.

I think you just need to decide on a method that will work for you and be consistent. What works for me does not work for everyone because you are tied down to baby and crib.