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Forum
-> Interesting Discussions
amother
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 Tue, Oct 31 2006, 7:34 pm
| amother wrote: | | Blossom wrote: |
Also amother, you wrote | Quote: | | It worries me that I will not be able to pass on any positive feelings towards my kids because I don't have any myself. |
Hey, That says it all!!! Obviously you do have feelings because you want to pass it on to your kids!!!
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Blossom, you are really sweet. But I think if I wasn't married and in a certain sense "stuck" in this lifestyle I would probably just be more modern and not have any problems. How to deal with the kids though? |
You would not believe how many out there feel the same way as you do. They are just keeping up the show to prevent their kids from getting mixed up and seeing their parents change.
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Motek
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Tue, Oct 31 2006, 8:53 pm
Nice digression 
How about the thread topic?????
Looking back to elementary school and high school, I can't see that the girls with the top marks accomplished anything special in life, more than the girls with average marks. And there have been surprises the other way, I.e. girls who were average, even ditzy, who have become wonderful homemakers, undertaking various projects (which I won't describe just in case ...) etc.
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realeez
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Tue, Oct 31 2006, 9:06 pm
| queen wrote: | | Personally I've found that the hard workers throughout school have gone a lot further in life. They are used to working hard in order to achieve vs. the "Easy A-goers" who reached success without much effort throughout all their school years. |
Excellent point!
Also, a lot depends on how you define "success."
For some it could be getting into a competitive work field and for others it could be building a family.
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Blossom
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Tue, Oct 31 2006, 9:14 pm
Sorry Motek, it took a slight detour  . I will start another thread about it.
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Motek
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Tue, Oct 31 2006, 9:15 pm
| mommyabc123 wrote: | | For some it could be getting into a competitive work field and for others it could be building a family. |
But does building a family require A's in dikduk, French, etc.? I think not.
So I would think that girls who got top marks would do something with their academic abilities.
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realeez
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Tue, Oct 31 2006, 9:24 pm
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Your original question was "What happened to them?" so yes, there are those who are very busy with their professional fields but are they doing what they really want - to be married and raising a family? I don't know. Are they "happy?" I hope so, but a lot of them don't look it...
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amother
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Tue, Oct 31 2006, 9:42 pm
| mommyabc123 wrote: | | Your original question was "What happened to them?" so yes, there are those who are very busy with their professional fields but are they doing what they really want - to be married and raising a family? I don't know. Are they "happy?" I hope so, but a lot of them don't look it... |
Who is happy all of the time? And how can we judge another's happiness by outward appearance or even behavior?
I'm sure if you were a therapist you'd see lots of people that are miserable and you'd never know it otherwise. "Al Tistakel B'Kankan........"
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el2cg
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Tue, Oct 31 2006, 9:47 pm
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the popular girls in my grade were actually the ones with top grades, middos...and the works! well, what their doing now is raising their children just like I am. However, (unlike me) they are all teaching and supporting their husbands that are still learning. That's special.
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timeout
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Tue, Oct 31 2006, 9:48 pm
One extremely smart Valedictorian in my class lives out of town has her own apt. pretty good job but for some reason is not married is turning thirty and still alone I wonder why?
Another is married but went totally snobby and didn't invite anyone from the class to her wedding still in the community but stiicks to herself.....
Interesting trend
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raizy
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Tue, Oct 31 2006, 9:56 pm
sad to say some are so smart that they are divorced right now. they were too smart for their man. I dont blame them I blame more the parents for not seeing that such a thing might happen . I personally know of two such cases. 
so is it the best thing to be so smart?? 
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Ruchel
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Tue, Oct 31 2006, 10:00 pm
| raizy wrote: |
so is it the best thing to be so smart?? |
Honestly I think so... but with a smart husband, if possible...
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amother
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Tue, Oct 31 2006, 10:07 pm
| raizy wrote: | sad to say some are so smart that they are divorced right now. they were too smart for their man. I dont blame them I blame more the parents for not seeing that such a thing might happen . I personally know of two such cases.
so is it the best thing to be so smart?? |
" I blame more the parents "?????????????????
If you meant that the boys weren't as bright as the girls, there are many marriages that go sour because there are two geniuses that can't peacefully coexist under the same roof. Brains is not the only criteria in making a marriage a success or failure.
Attention all those out there that are up all night with infants and toddlers and assorted other problems with other age kids- It doesn't pay, if there's a problem, it's always the parents' fault! How sad.
Mrs. Raizy- what can you do now to guarantee that none of your kids will ever get divorced or worse??????????????????????
Any theory? Please come up with some gospel before we all mess up our kids' lives one way ot another.
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raizy
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Tue, Oct 31 2006, 10:30 pm
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no no I only blame these two cases parents . bc they knew that their dd were smart so why did they marry them off to someone who wasnt as smart as the dd. that why they go divorced. bc hubby wasnt as smart as them. they werent compatible. so yes sometimes it is the parents fault.
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suomynona
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Wed, Nov 01 2006, 12:07 am
| Motek wrote: | Nice digression
Looking back to elementary school and high school, I can't see that the girls with the top marks accomplished anything special in life, more than the girls with average marks. |
That's probably true because marks don't make a difference in being a housewife and mother. Other than those 2 things (wife and mother), what "special" things are we supposed to hope to accomplish? unless you're talking about things that are totally secondary.
A person who was the top of her class might be more successful and her job, but you probably wouldn't define that as accomplishing something special.
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amother
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Wed, Nov 01 2006, 12:37 am
| suomynona wrote: | | Motek wrote: | Nice digression
Looking back to elementary school and high school, I can't see that the girls with the top marks accomplished anything special in life, more than the girls with average marks. |
That's probably true because marks don't make a difference in being a housewife and mother. Other than those 2 things (wife and mother), what "special" things are we supposed to hope to accomplish? unless you're talking about things that are totally secondary.
A person who was the top of her class might be more successful and her job, but you probably wouldn't define that as accomplishing something special. |
What I define as special about any girl/woman is the ability to take life in difficult surroundings and rise above it and give back to the world BEHIND THE SCENES avoiding publicity at all times, despite enduring their own difficulty at times, and having grown from it and pledge to help others as a result.
While being a good wife/mother is nice and what we should all be doing, instinctively, like a cow with her baby calves, a special person, sees beyond her calves and can balance doing for the world, friends, acquaintances and yes-STRANGERS, without looking back at whether anyone realizes it and credit given or not given and does it with a smile because it gives her happiness.
Special people are the ones that pull others up when they're feeling down.
Special people are the ones that make themselves available to others, outside of family, for advice or a kind word 24/7.
Special people are those that do Chesed without the recipients feeling like Chesed cases, and if possible making the recipient feel as if the recipient is doing the favor and not the other.
Special people are the ones that are mekadesh shem shomayim privately, avoiding the limelight.
Special people are the ones that make the world a more enjoyable place to be.
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TzenaRena
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Wed, Nov 01 2006, 2:17 am
As another poster said before, the girls with top marks are raising their families as she is. However, HOW they are raising their families might just be verry very differently. Every Jewish home is a Mikdash Me'at, so in those homes where the woman was a top student, probably learning would be more emphasized. Or whatever it was she excelled in at that time, making this quality of Jewish home more revealed.
Also, a girl's success in her school years often has a direct bearing on what type of shidduch she is offered, and what her husband is doing with his life can determine what she ends up doing as well. So if he is a Shliach for example, she will be a shlucha.
All that said , I agree with the amother's post before mine. A woman's accomplishments in particular aren't necessarily measured by standard yardsticks for success.
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amother
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Wed, Nov 01 2006, 8:55 am
| amother wrote: | What I define as special about any girl/woman is the ability to take life in difficult surroundings and rise above it and give back to the world BEHIND THE SCENES avoiding publicity at all times, despite enduring their own difficulty at times, and having grown from it and pledge to help others as a result.
While being a good wife/mother is nice and what we should all be doing, instinctively, like a cow with her baby calves, a special person, sees beyond her calves and can balance doing for the world, friends, acquaintances and yes-STRANGERS, without looking back at whether anyone realizes it and credit given or not given and does it with a smile because it gives her happiness.
Special people are the ones that pull others up when they're feeling down.
Special people are the ones that make themselves available to others, outside of family, for advice or a kind word 24/7.
Special people are those that do Chesed without the recipients feeling like Chesed cases, and if possible making the recipient feel as if the recipient is doing the favor and not the other.
Special people are the ones that are mekadesh shem shomayim privately, avoiding the limelight.
Special people are the ones that make the world a more enjoyable place to be. |
We all know special people as described above. They don't need or want the credit or thank yous, but just because it's the right thing to do to show appreciation, it's nice to tell them that they're special.
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amother
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Wed, Nov 01 2006, 9:11 am
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I was the class valedictorian. While I may not be considered hugely successful by my classmates standards, I gave up a rewarding job to stay at home and raise my kinderlach. That being said, the same tools of perserverance, attention to detail, knowledge and the love of learning that helped me be the valedictorian are what help me be the wife and mother and community member that I am. I believe that one has to stive to be the biggest success they can be at each point in their lives. When in school , one has to excell to the best of their capabilities, when at a job the same , in raising yiddishe homes the same idea follows. Just an insight from a valedictorn who many view as not going on to be a success but who feels like it anyway.
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amother
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Wed, Nov 01 2006, 1:04 pm
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In my class, the ones who did not do so well in school went on to be teachers and those that were smarter got professional degrees.
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chen
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Wed, Nov 01 2006, 1:36 pm
let's see..8th grade valedictorina (that's Spanish for Valedictorian  ) is a top doctor and mother of a couple of delicious kids. HS valectorina ditto. (same person  ) 8th grade salutatorina is a teacher, HS Salutatirina is either a doctor or a Ph.D. in something like biochemistry.
All married with children and possibly grands.
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