WWYD - guests in someone else's home

amother

Mon, Oct 03 2011, 1:59 pm

My DH and I spent the Shabbos before Rosh Hashana away for a family simcha. We were put up in an apartment of friends of the baalei simcha. The room that was left for us was the master bedroom with an attached bathroom. I was horrified when I went into the bathroom and saw a thong hanging on the hook on the back of the door. I imagine the lady of the house would have been as well but that was not my problem. I didn't want my DH, who would also be using the bathroom, seeing another woman's underwear. But the main problem was that my DH has often asked me to wear thongs and I have said no, it just doesn't appeal to me and I don't find the idea tzniusdik. The home we were staying in belongs to a chassidish couple. Needless to say my DH took that as proof that my un-tznius argument is not right. You guessed it he had already been in the bathroom before me and at some point said "you will never guess what is hanging on the bathroom door". I really don't know what to do or how to answer him. Problem hasn't arisen since as I am now nida and he realizes that now is not the time to make demands.

amother

Mon, Oct 03 2011, 2:19 pm

I feel bad for the thong's owner, how embarrassing. But regarding your own issue, unless your dh wants you to wear a thong all day long (and I find them uncomfortable so I hear you on that), buy one for your alone time with him. I don't see what the big deal is.

zaq

Mon, Oct 03 2011, 2:56 pm

Since when do you use other people as your barometer of what's right and wrong? Especially your intimate life? Do what you feel comfortable with and don't feel pressured to do things just because other people do. They're not sharing the bed with you.

though as previous amother said, the tznius or lack thereof of a garment is an issue only in public, not in the privacy of your bedroom with dh. He has no voice as to what you wear under your clothes when you go to work, but he can certainly ask you to wear something specific just for him during intimate interludes.

Seraph

Mon, Oct 03 2011, 3:15 pm

I agree with zaq. Where does the issue of tznius come into play here at all? Heck, sx isn't "tznius". Rolling Eyes

If you want to tell your husband "This isn't an issue of tznius. I don't feel comfortable wearing a thong, I find it makes me feel cheap or dirty", maybe he'd understand your issue more than using the catch all tznius phrase which doesn't apply.

Tamiri

Mon, Oct 03 2011, 3:25 pm

I have a big problem with people making assumptions. Maybe the thong belongs to the man of the house? You just never know. Don't use other people and their habits as your yardstick.... or you may find your man in some odd-looking clothing!