should they have invited her?

yo'ma

Sat, Feb 11 2012, 7:09 pm

My dh left this past monday and won't be home until this coming thursday iy'h. I'm watching my 6 children k'h ages 13, a girl, down to 1 1/2 all boys with no problem b'h. Not no problem, but nothing I can't handle Wink

. I didn't mention that they're home all day with me, no camp now nor school. I b'h have cleaning help, so that's not an issue. My question is from the invitees point of view. Someone invited my dd over to sleep monday night and then again to go to her house thursday and sleepover. Someone else invited her over for friday night, eat and sleep and then during the day as an afterthought shabbos morning. She of course asked me and I said yes because while she is helpful, I don't like keeping her home to help. My mother was like this and that was one of her many qualities that I loved about her as a mother. Like I said I'm asking if you could put yourself in the invitees point of view because no matter how much I try, I can't figure out why they would invite her this week out of the whole summer. Both people who invited her knows that my dh isn't home and everything else.

Raizle

Sat, Feb 11 2012, 7:15 pm

I think people tend to forget a specific child's position in the family and how taking them away will be depriving the mother of much needed help.

I know my kids have invited others at the wrong time and the mother will usually say "I need her help right now"

I don't think there is anything wrong with you asking that they defer the invitation to the following week when your husband is back, so you aren't depriving her of her social life yet maintaining her responsibilities.

it's one week out of her life that she's being asked to do more then usual. I don't see anything wrong with that.

Also, it's possible they mistakenly think they are helping by taking a child off your hands only....it's the wrong child LOL

33055

Sat, Feb 11 2012, 7:34 pm

Firstly, it is possible the people who invited her have no idea what a help she is. My daughter has a best friend. AS a matter of fact she is this girl's only friend. They used to sleep each other's for Shabbos frequently. This year her mother stopped letting her. It took my daughter and I till this week to figure out it was because of her help. We also figured out the reason she was kept home when her cousins were over last year was also to watch them being they are so much younger.

Secondly, is it possible your daughter put up her friend's mom to call you for the invite. Something, along the lines of have your mother call my mother so I can come over next_______. Maybe your daughter is aware you will let her go.

yo'ma

Sat, Feb 11 2012, 7:40 pm

Squishy wrote:

Actually her brother that's a year younger helps more Rolling Eyes

, but she still does help. That wasn't even the point of how much she helps. As per the second paragraph, I know that's not what happened. For the ones who invited for shabbos, they are two sisters who always invite her or vice versa. They would ask the parents first and wouldn't they think that's it's probably not a good idea this week. The silly thing with them is, when my dh wasn't home a few months ago and he took two of our boys, the father of these girls called a few times to see if I needed any help or anything. Whatever! I'm just trying to understand.

tryinghard

Sat, Feb 11 2012, 9:54 pm

totally missing the point here, but as a resident of the Northern Hemisphere with very little exposure to those from the Southern, I am thoroughly enjoying your talk it being the summer now - so cool! LOL

don't mind me, I'll just fade back into the corner

imasinger

Sat, Feb 11 2012, 10:05 pm

Personally, I don't get offended if someone extends an invitation, even if for any reason, it might not be a good time. I like that they respect me for being able to decide yes or no. If these were friends, then maybe they knew your philosophy (or history) of letting your DD go when invited, so had no reason to think that you would do otherwise.

I'd take it as a huge compliment that you manage your family so well!

shanie5

Sat, Feb 11 2012, 11:00 pm

Sounds like my dh. Whenever all the kids are home, he offers to take the older ones off my hands as a help to me. No, take the younger ones if you want to help me please.

If I was the invitee, (or rather, her mother), I would call the mother first and ask if it would be a help or a hindrance to offer to invite a child then. Unless I know the child is being taken too much advantage of by the mom, then I might not ask just try to rescue her myself (probably not too smart, but thats still what I might do).