Biting help! | Imamother

amother

Wed, Apr 11 2012, 9:30 pm

My almost 2 yr old often bites me. He started a long time ago when he was teething and I managed to redirect him to bite clothes rather than me. While it happens much less, he still does so too often, and also will bite me. He knows it is not okay, but it does get a reaction. He tends to do it when he is being playful (?) or when he wants a reaction from me and I am doing something else. How am I to react? Ignore? Respond? I am especially worried since he will be stating playgroup next year and will be with other kids.
Any advice, please?

granolamom

Wed, Apr 11 2012, 9:37 pm

you have plenty of time before playgroup starts. my 2 yo was biting me before she started playgroup (like right before). I warned the morahs and BH she hasnt bitten anyone there. ironically, there is one 'biter' in the group and he seems to target my dd for no apparent reason.
but I digress.
if you think he's doing it for attention, I would tell him biting hurts. we dont bite. if he bites, you will put him in his crib (or chair or wherever) for a few minutes. then do that. when he bites, very calmly say no biting and nothing more while you put him in his spot. after a few minutes go to him and make like nothing happened, just continue on with your day. meantime, make sure you're giving him lots of attention when he isnt biting.

ewa-jo

Thu, Apr 12 2012, 12:24 am

granolamom wrote:

This is good advice.

Here is another piece of advice that I am totally expecting to be flamed for.... bite him back.

You don't do it with anger or with the intention to hurt him (that's abuse) but you do it so the child experiences something unpleasant and painful when they give out pain to other people.

What do you think is gonna happen when he bites/hits/kicks another child? They'll do the same thing back to him... that's not cruel or abusive or violent, that's just how people behave. It's self defense. If you are under assault, you defend yourself.

If he thinks he has the right to express his frustration by biting, and you have no rights, then he'll continue. You are not his punching bag. NO!, you're not sending a mixed message that he's allowed to do something just because you're doing it... you're saying he gets back whatever he gives. There's nothing bad about that.

(my oldest never bit, but my middle child did this a few times and yes, I did it right back to him a second later and you can bet he stopped immediately. If my kid scratches me, he gets a scratch, if he hits me, he gets a hit. I'm not a control-freak disciplinarian parent by any means, but my kids learn pretty quickly that physically assaulting a parent or a younger sibling is just not acceptable)

When your children are older and more in control of their emotions... then you can start teaching them about being the better person, and not reacting when provoked... but as little toddler people, the most important lessons they need to learn is that their negative behavior has consequences. and that they don't have the right to do anything they want. First you change the behavior, then you work on the emotions behind it.

granolamom

Thu, Apr 12 2012, 10:25 am

well, ewa-jo, I'm not going to flame you (though I disagree with your approach) but I just want to say that three of my kids were bitten in preschool. not one bit back. the typical response of a child who is bitten by another child is to cry and tell an adult.
my sister is a playgroup morah and she has never seen a child bite the biter back either.

and this is what I want my kids to learn...if someone hurts you, protect yourself by removing yourself from the situation, get help from an adult, avoid the person in the future until he can prove himself trustworthy. which is why, if my child bites me, he goes in time-out.