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Do rich only look for rich Machatonim? When yes and when no?
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amother






Post  Tue, Dec 19 2006, 2:42 am
I am not asking what they should do, I am asking what they do, realistically.

How common is it for wealthy people to be interested in a Shidduch for their child from a family of average means?
Is it different among different sub-groups of Orthodoxy?
Is it reason to be suspicious?
Do rich kids understand other rich kids, and the same for average kids, and their way of life better, making for a higher likelihood of a successful marriage?
What are the advantages of rich boys/girls marrying other rich boys/girls? What are the disadvantages?
Is it usually a case where if wealthy parents feel that they can do better with their chid in midos/ brains/looks/yichus, they're willing to look away the wealth?
Do wealthy people who feel that their child rates getting everything, ideally want everything?

What is your opinion?
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Marion









  


Post  Tue, Dec 19 2006, 5:31 am
I don't know what people do, because that's not my world. But I wouldn't necessarily think it's inappropriate, or that it means something. A husband is obligated to his wife to "keep her" in the manner to which she is accustomed. If she comes from a wealthy family but he has no money, he can't meet that obligation. And if she agrees to marry him and be m'vater, well, sometimes it's not as easy to change what you're used to as you think it will be. On the flip side, someone who is willing to marry "beneath" themselves, isn't necessarily indicative of spoiled goods. Maybe the chassan/kallah have unusually outstanding middot, or are somehow really special people.
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amother






Post  Tue, Dec 19 2006, 6:08 am
We are in that category, although there's still a few years before we'll be looking into shidduchim. I have to say that money, or lack thereof, is not something that is even a factor. B'H, we have enough to support all of our children should they choose a kollel life, regardless of what the other side could contribute. Middos, intelligence, personality, and above all a sense that our child will be happy with this person are what matters to us.

After reading some of the other threads on this site "Would you let your child marry a BT?", etc.., our concern is that we don't want our children marrying anyone whose family is going to look down on us but agrees to the shidduch because of the money. The money is H"KBH's doing, not ours, and so is the fact that we aren't FFB. Neither of them were within our control.
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Ruchel









  


Post  Tue, Dec 19 2006, 6:33 am
From what I've heard & seen:


Quote:
How common is it for wealthy people to be interested in a Shidduch for their child from a family of average means?


Not uncommon if both families understand that it will require some maturity, and also much more common if the family of average means has a "high class" mentality.


Quote:
Is it reason to be suspicious?


Of course it could mean the rich kid has a "defect" that makes him unmarriageable among his peers, or the average kid is "interested" in money.
But you should be careful in every shidduch.

Quote:
Do rich kids understand other rich kids, and the same for average kids, and their way of life better, making for a higher likelihood of a successful marriage?


definitely

Quote:
What are the advantages of rich boys/girls marrying other rich boys/girls?


understanding, no change in lifestyle

Quote:
What are the disadvantages?


competition, feeling better/inferior, rich kid thinking he can do anything he wants to average kid because it is his money

Quote:
Is it usually a case where if wealthy parents feel that they can do better with their chid in midos/ brains/looks/yichus, they're willing to look away the wealth?


Parents are not very objective on the kid's defects unless it is really terrible.

Quote:
Do wealthy people who feel that their child rates getting everything, ideally want everything?


yes

Quote:
What is your opinion?


I wanted someone who would give me a lifestyle similar to the one I had, and who would be able to support a large family without having to struggle. But I didn't care if he was from a rich family or just someone with a great job (as long as we have a similar mentality).
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mimsy7420









  


Post  Tue, Dec 19 2006, 10:17 am
It's much more common for money to marry money. There are exceptions to this rule. But as a general rule, money will always try to marry money.
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faigie









  


Post  Tue, Dec 19 2006, 10:37 am
as a young women from a very average family, the only shiduchim I got from wealthy families, were with boys who had major issues............
im not saying that this is always the case, but it was My experiance.
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amother






Post  Tue, Dec 19 2006, 7:39 pm
faigie wrote:
as a young women from a very average family, the only shiduchim I got from wealthy families, were with boys who had major issues............
im not saying that this is always the case, but it was My experiance.

You must be from Brooklyn (I am too). Or is Queens and the Five Towns the same, where possibly like Brooklyn, people do their best to get the Dun & Bradstreet report on the parents, before entering into a Shidduch?
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amother






Post  Tue, Dec 19 2006, 8:20 pm
I am anonymous because I am embarrassed that I behaved this way

I dated men that had rich parents and one or two that didnt. The guys from poor families had no chance. I could not deal with it . I was brought up in a home where I got everything that I wanted. I wanted a guy who's parents could help support us and who would buy me beautiful jewelry. sick.I know. but I am being honest.
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bandcm









  


Post  Tue, Dec 19 2006, 8:25 pm
Last amother, did you get what you wanted?
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DefyGravity









  


Post  Tue, Dec 19 2006, 8:27 pm
AFAIK, most of the people I know married people that were in a similar "class" as themselves.

All the rich girls found wealthy boys, middle class married middle class, and so on and so forth.
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amother






Post  Tue, Dec 19 2006, 8:33 pm
I did
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queen









  


Post  Tue, Dec 19 2006, 10:20 pm
amother wrote:
I am anonymous because I am embarrassed that I behaved this way

I dated men that had rich parents and one or two that didnt. The guys from poor families had no chance. I could not deal with it . I was brought up in a home where I got everything that I wanted. I wanted a guy who's parents could help support us and who would buy me beautiful jewelry. sick.I know. but I am being honest.


amother who wrote the above quote:

am curious if you ended up marrying money and if you're happy?
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amother






Post  Tue, Dec 19 2006, 10:41 pm
We are not what one would consider wealthy, but we are comfortable. I have a very pretty, superachiever daughter who dreamt of a sincere, serious, but wordly (being that she's a bright girl), Kollel boy. In our community, polished, "good learner" Kollel boys almost w/o exception, look for lots of money, especially if they have money, but even if they don't. No matter what their name is, their middle name is often Se Kumpt Mir.

She married a poor learning boy Rolling Eyes from a top Yeshiva, and is so tyrannized by him to get as much money from us as she possibly can, over and above what we committed to, it would not be believed. I wanted comfortable machatonim like ourselves. Now, not only does she not have in-laws that can help them at all, she has an aggressive despot for a husband.

We all have to daven really hard when looking for a Shidduch.

The moral is not all poor boys are good catches, not all learning boys are good catches. Crying or Very sad
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amother






Post  Tue, Dec 19 2006, 11:01 pm
queen wrote:
amother wrote:
I am anonymous because I am embarrassed that I behaved this way

I dated men that had rich parents and one or two that didnt. The guys from poor families had no chance. I could not deal with it . I was brought up in a home where I got everything that I wanted. I wanted a guy who's parents could help support us and who would buy me beautiful jewelry. sick.I know. but I am being honest.


amother who wrote the above quote:

am curious if you ended up marrying money and if you're happy?


I did marry a guy from a very wealthy family, and they did buy me beautiful jewelry when I was a kallah. they also helped me buy a house and give us money whenever we need/ask. My parents do the same. They are not fancy people, but are extremely wealthy and generous. I am lucky.
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red sea









  


Post  Tue, Dec 19 2006, 11:04 pm
I think its way more common for like to marry like. The other day I was having this discussion and concluded, boys from no money, even if they "make it" on their own must marry girls w/o money or the high maintenance gets stressful. Girls that grew up with $ must marry $ or they wouldnt know how to deal and it would be a disaster one way or another.

To a lesser degree, Boys who grew up with $ go better with $, two-fold, the girls with money know how to navigate those circles already And, if the boy is daddy's little lazy rich bum, she can still get her needs from her parents. Girls who grew up w/o money, are the most versatile group imo, financial maintenance is lower but girls are flexible with adopting the cinderella story, you know.

But what about everyone in between?

But I have heard of rich only looking for poor and poor only looking for rich too, but in the end the couples happiness is all that matters.
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amother






Post  Tue, Dec 19 2006, 11:10 pm
amother wrote:
queen wrote:
amother wrote:
I am anonymous because I am embarrassed that I behaved this way

I dated men that had rich parents and one or two that didnt. The guys from poor families had no chance. I could not deal with it . I was brought up in a home where I got everything that I wanted. I wanted a guy who's parents could help support us and who would buy me beautiful jewelry. sick.I know. but I am being honest.


amother who wrote the above quote:

am curious if you ended up marrying money and if you're happy?


I did marry a guy from a very wealthy family, and they did buy me beautiful jewelry when I was a kallah. they also helped me buy a house and give us money whenever we need/ask. My parents do the same. They are not fancy people, but are extremely wealthy and generous. I am lucky.

Are you by any chance Chassidish? In Chassidish circles poor girls get "red" to rich boys. In other circles, it's rare.
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amother






Post  Tue, Dec 19 2006, 11:17 pm
amother wrote:
amother wrote:
queen wrote:
amother wrote:
I am anonymous because I am embarrassed that I behaved this way

I dated men that had rich parents and one or two that didnt. The guys from poor families had no chance. I could not deal with it . I was brought up in a home where I got everything that I wanted. I wanted a guy who's parents could help support us and who would buy me beautiful jewelry. sick.I know. but I am being honest.


amother who wrote the above quote:

am curious if you ended up marrying money and if you're happy?


I did marry a guy from a very wealthy family, and they did buy me beautiful jewelry when I was a kallah. they also helped me buy a house and give us money whenever we need/ask. My parents do the same. They are not fancy people, but are extremely wealthy and generous. I am lucky.

Are you by any chance Chassidish? In Chassidish circles poor girls get "red" to rich boys. In other circles, it's rare.


I am NOT chasidish, and my parents are wealthy as well
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amother






Post  Tue, Dec 19 2006, 11:22 pm
amother wrote:
amother wrote:
amother wrote:
queen wrote:
amother wrote:
I am anonymous because I am embarrassed that I behaved this way

I dated men that had rich parents and one or two that didnt. The guys from poor families had no chance. I could not deal with it . I was brought up in a home where I got everything that I wanted. I wanted a guy who's parents could help support us and who would buy me beautiful jewelry. sick.I know. but I am being honest.


amother who wrote the above quote:

am curious if you ended up marrying money and if you're happy?


I did marry a guy from a very wealthy family, and they did buy me beautiful jewelry when I was a kallah. they also helped me buy a house and give us money whenever we need/ask. My parents do the same. They are not fancy people, but are extremely wealthy and generous. I am lucky.

Are you by any chance Chassidish? In Chassidish circles poor girls get "red" to rich boys. In other circles, it's rare.


I am NOT chasidish, and my parents are wealthy as well


Then it's not even a question. RICh usually goes to RICH. You didn't do anything unusual.
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amother






Post  Tue, Dec 19 2006, 11:24 pm
amother wrote:
amother wrote:
amother wrote:
amother wrote:
queen wrote:
amother wrote:
I am anonymous because I am embarrassed that I behaved this way

I dated men that had rich parents and one or two that didnt. The guys from poor families had no chance. I could not deal with it . I was brought up in a home where I got everything that I wanted. I wanted a guy who's parents could help support us and who would buy me beautiful jewelry. sick.I know. but I am being honest.


amother who wrote the above quote:

am curious if you ended up marrying money and if you're happy?


I did marry a guy from a very wealthy family, and they did buy me beautiful jewelry when I was a kallah. they also helped me buy a house and give us money whenever we need/ask. My parents do the same. They are not fancy people, but are extremely wealthy and generous. I am lucky.

Are you by any chance Chassidish? In Chassidish circles poor girls get "red" to rich boys. In other circles, it's rare.


I am NOT chasidish, and my parents are wealthy as well


Then it's not even a question. RICh usually goes to RICH. You didn't do anything unusual.


I never said I did. I responded to the question posed by the op. then someone asked if I got what I wanted, so I responded to that.
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amother






Post  Wed, Dec 20 2006, 12:47 am
amother wrote:

I am NOT chasidish, and my parents are wealthy as well

Is there a down side to being a wealthy couple, other than worrying about Ayin Hora, and having to keep up with wealthy friends?

ALSO, Ch"v, If you lost it all tomorrow, what would you do, after being raised with everyhting?
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