PLEASE!!! HELP!!!Caring for my 13 mo...how do I get into it?

amother

Mon, Jun 04 2012, 3:48 pm

Hi!

I am embarrassed, but I count on you ladies for advice, support and even a straight talk

I have the cutest 13 months old, I am happy when she is playing alone with her toys, but of course she gets bored and wants my attention. It is SO hard for me to pull myself from what I am busy with, my writing projects, my cooking and cleaning, or even reading to just sit down and build blocks with her.

I know it sounds so strange to some of you but I really struggle with pulling myself out of what I AM doing and sit on the floor... I am faking a smile and faking interest in what she is doing.

Now...to back up a little bit, obviously I grew up with a dysfunctional mother in many ways, she was loving but empathetic and never had enough patience for us growing up... I feel like I am repeating my mom's behavior with my own child. I love her dearly but when she demands attention all I could think of is how much I am "missing out" of what I can be doing instead of playing with her and how much there is to do for me but play.

Please ladies, say something. If you read all the way to here take the time and give me some chizuk. I feel terrible about myself and I hate myself sometimes for even having those feelings.

anonymrs

Mon, Jun 04 2012, 3:56 pm

First, don't beat yourself up like that! You are a good mother, you love your daughter, and you want to take the best care of her. It is hard to be home the whole day with a baby and entertain them. When you have so much to do, cooking, cleaning, work, laundry, phone calls, bills, etc. you feel like you're wasting your time by sitting on the floor with her.

She's your baby and she needs you. Maybe you can make up certain times that you'll give her undivided attention, like twice a day for 1/2 hour you will sit on the floor, play with her, and not try to be busy doing other things. This is what I do with my daughter because I also have a hard time focusing on her while I'm trying to do a hundred other things.

Good luck!

be good

Mon, Jun 04 2012, 3:57 pm

I can somewhat relate to what you are saying, and it is not a good feeling- especially when it brings you back to difficulties from your childhood.

have you ever tried to make a conscious decision to play with her 'like you mean it'? decide to enjoy it! if it helps, think about the fact that this is a time in her life they neither she nor you will ever get back, so by playing with her you arent missing out, you are grabbing at a fleeting opportunity!

I also sometimes play with them more sophisticatedly than they understand- like trying to beat my record in a tower or blocks, making a pattern of blocks colors, or a nice arrangement, a cool domino-type of set up for her to knock down, etc. it helps keep me interested.

enjoy her!

amother

Mon, Jun 04 2012, 4:11 pm

hugs to you !!

you sound like a perfectly capable mom!!
I think youre expecting too much of yourself.
its ok to fake play but the more youll do it - the more youll get to trully enjoy your little gift.I have the same age baby and realize that when I put myself to it I get to really enjoy him . good luck and take it easy! Hug

punchike

Mon, Jun 04 2012, 4:19 pm

Do things with her that you enjoy.
Do you like music? Dance to tunes you like while she watches. Babies love that.

Do u need excercize? Put her in a carriage and go for a stroll.

Do u like nice scenery? Go to a pretty park, and push her on the swing while you enjoy the view.

Think of what you like, and find a way to make it interesting for your daughter.

Mon, Jun 04 2012, 6:08 pm

You sound like a great mom! It's perfectly ok to fake it if you don't love building with blocks and so on, as long as you are engaged with her from time to time throughout the day. Some kids at that age can play by themselves very nicely, and it's ok to let them do so without feeling guilty about it.

It might help you to truly focus on your child by enrolling in a parent-child activity such as gymboree, mommy-and-me circle time, parent/child music, etc. You'll have a set time on your calendar to do nothing but interact with your child in a suitable setting.

chevron

Mon, Jun 04 2012, 6:16 pm

I think it's normal to want to do your own thing and hey you do have a lot to do as most moms do.
Of course your child still needs you so you can try doing things you enjoy with her. I find it much easier to get out of the house with my toddler. It's so good for him and he doesn't need so much attention bec hes having so much fun and I get to socialize. I hardly do housework while he's up. It doesn't work out.

TranquilityAndPeace

Mon, Jun 04 2012, 6:36 pm

You're a terrific mother!!!

I doubt anyone on this forum loves playing with blocks for hours each day, no matter how much we love our kids!

How about if you involve her in what you're doing? If you're cooking, give her some pots and spoons and raw carrots. Talk to her while you do your work, "See, now Mommy is putting the carrot in the pot, and later we're going to have a delicious soup!" She won't know that you're playing with her with adult toys instead of kiddie toys!

Laundry time, "See, I'm putting all the clothing in the basket, now we're going to fold it and put it away! Do you want to open this drawer with me? Open! There you go! Now I put the pajamas in the drawer, do you want to close the drawer with me?"

mummiedearest

Mon, Jun 04 2012, 7:08 pm

you don't have to give up what you're doing to play with her. involve her in your chores. this way she'll be trained to enjoy helping you and you both get quality together time. I used to do this with my son:

1)play chase the broom. when he learned to crawl fast, he could chase me around as I swept. he loved swatting at the bristles on the broom. great exercise.
2)let your child sit in the clean laundry basket while you sort the laundry. give her a onesie to try to fold or let him hand you items one at a time. look at each thing with her and say, "oh, this is mommy's shirt!/daddy's pants!/baby's onesie! we put this in THIS pile." you can also mention the color of the garment in question and something else in the room that matches.
3) cleaning the bathroom-- place your child in the tub with a wet washcloth. let the baby wipe the sides of the tub while you clean the toilet and sink. when the child is unlikely to eat the washcloth, you can add some baby soap to it.
4)washing dishes-- give your child a wet sponge and baby bowl that you have already cleaned. put an apron on child if possible. sing a scrubbing song.
5)mopping floor-- use diluted vinegar. if child is big enough, let her try to mop or hold handle with you while you mop.
6) dusting-- place sock over child's hand and have her wipe the shelves. this can double as puppet time Smile

7) cooking-- allow child to add ingredients to pot/pan. allow child to taste safe ingredients.

music during chores is wonderful. you can dance with your child while sweeping, mopping, dusting, doing dishes...

as for reading, if your child likes destructive games, have her build towers near you while you read. she can tell you when she's ready, then you'll knock it down. lather, rinse, repeat. save serious reading for naptime.