Help-I think my cleaning lady of many years is stealing!

b from nj

Tue, Jul 31 2012, 5:42 pm

Hi all, this is my first time posting but I am so bummed out & upset right now b/c I think my cleaning lady who I've trusted for quite a few years is stealing from me.

Last week my son commented that he had left $60 in his desk drawer in a binder clip & when he went to look for it a week or so ago he only had $40 left in the clip. At the time, I didn't know what to think but I figured that perhaps my son had misplaced it etc but we decided that we would leave the $20 in the clip & see what happens while trying to keep track of our money that we have around the house. Lo & behold the cleaning lady came today & $20 that was there last night was GONE today (along with the clip) & I only noticed this a few minutes AFTER the cleaning lady left my house.

I should also add that last year my son went to sleepaway camp & when he came home he was convinced that some of his money that he had left in his room was missing but I figured that he was probably not really sure of how much money he originally had beforehand. In addition, my DH mentioned that he thought he had left $40 on his night-stand one night & the next day (after the cleaning lady had left) he did not see the money but again, he thought that maybe it was his mistake. Now, I don't know WHAT to think but I am afraid that my cleaning lady may have been the culprit in these situations.

I have been so upset ever since my cleaning lady left today & I noticed the missing $$$ b/c I feel so betrayed & violated. Bear in mind, that I ALWAYS have had a good relationship with her. I've found her to be very reliable & accommodating & I in turn have always tried to be very nice to her as well. For example, I always round up what I owe her by a good $8-10 each time. I also give her a pizza lunch each time she comes as well. In addition, she recently asked me for a $300 loan which I hesitatingly gave her but decided to give it b/c of our relationship which I thought was good. She claimed that her father in her country needed expensive meds & that was why she needed the $$. I was afraid that perhaps she would walk off with the $$ but thankfully she has been working it off for the past 6 times she came. I have taken off $50 each time she has come to me since I gave her the loan & now she is all paid up.

Anyhow, I REALLY don't think I want her back in my house b/c I feel that I cannot trust her. However, I don't want to fire her until I find someone else & I recall from prior experience how difficult finding good help can be. I have already sent out feelers to an agency to find someone new but I know that starting with someone new has its challenges too b/c one never knows if the next person will be any more trustworthy than my current lady.

Therefore, I am throwing this out to all of you & wondering how you all would all handle this situation.

I look forward to your responses!!

Nicole

Tue, Jul 31 2012, 7:34 pm

I would let her go immediately. WHo knows what she might take next. I hear you about not having help in the house but IMHO, this woman has no business coming back.

MaBelleVie

Tue, Jul 31 2012, 7:39 pm

Just as an aside- I make a point of not leaving cash anywhere accessible when I have help in the house. For someone who counts pennies, the temptation can be too strong. Any cash is kept in a locked file cabinet, and the key is with us. Not that I think my help would take it, but why tempt her?

b from nj

Tue, Jul 31 2012, 7:41 pm

Thanks all for your replies. I agree that she's got to go. I'm just wondering how to break it to her. Any suggestions? It's such an uncomfortable thing to tell someone especially someone who I've liked & trusted all through the years.

Liba

Tue, Jul 31 2012, 7:42 pm

I would be really tempted to tell her you are having money problems.

I am sorry you are dealing with this. Sad

Happy18

Tue, Jul 31 2012, 7:48 pm

Liba wrote:

I would be really tempted to tell her you are having money problems.

I like this approach because then you aren't lying.

b from nj

Tue, Jul 31 2012, 7:51 pm

Liba wrote:

I would be really tempted to tell her you are having money problems.

I am sorry you are dealing with this. Sad

HA, thanks for the laugh Smile

! I kind of want her to know that I am very hurt that she has taken my son's money b/c I am more of an 'honesty is the best policy' kinda gal but clearly she doesn't have the same viewpoint Wink

amother

Tue, Jul 31 2012, 8:04 pm

I never ever leave any valuables or money out.No matter how nice we are and how generous it is never enough. They think we are superbly wealthy and we won't notice or care for a few measly missing dollars. Some steal underwear and some silver ware. Last week my friend was missing a new iPod. Fire her and tell her why. Stealing is normal for some of them. But unacceptable for us.

amother

Tue, Jul 31 2012, 8:05 pm

Off topic: You said in your post that this is your first time posting, but it shows that you have 397 posts...what did you mean?

4ofus

Tue, Jul 31 2012, 8:14 pm

amother wrote:

Off topic: You said in your post that this is your first time posting, but it shows that you have 397 posts...what did you mean?

Maybe she means it's her first time starting a topic.

sarahla

Tue, Jul 31 2012, 8:26 pm

I would give her a call and tell her you'd like to speak with her so if she could come over. Then tell her how you feel, betrayed that you trusted her that you loan her money and that it very disrespectful since you and DH are working hard fr the money she is stealing.

See how she reacts and regardless of what she says/ cry/ begs don't take her back !!! IMHO it's better not having a cleaning lady than having one that steals bec who knows what else she will take next time.

I've learned the hard way not to go out of my wa for cleaning help, the nicer you are the more they take advantadge. Wen you go to work your boss isn't buying you lunch is he!? So why give her lunch!?
Also obv one shouldnt treat cleaning help being mean and disrespectful, but more she your employee not your friend.

Good luck

b from nj

Tue, Jul 31 2012, 8:29 pm

amother wrote:

Off topic: You said in your post that this is your first time posting, but it shows that you have 397 posts...what did you mean?

Sorry, I meant it's my first time STARTING a thread. I have DEF posted many times in the short amount of the time that I've been on imamother (too many times, if you ask my DH Wink

!!!!

b from nj

Tue, Jul 31 2012, 8:34 pm

amother wrote:

I keep $$ & valuable jewelry in my safe (which I am now making sure to keep locked up but to be honest it wasn't always b/c I really didn't think I had anything to worry about) & my purse is out & not always on me so it's definitely a challenge to keep my purse on me at all times. I also have some silver valuables in my breakfront that I don't lock up everytime she comes...

I'm really conflicted about whether to just tell her the truth or to just keep it vague & say that I can't continue having her (b/c of money problems as someone suggested Smile

! or whatever....decisions, decisions but I DEF can't trust her working here anymore, that's for sure!!

bobeli

Tue, Jul 31 2012, 8:38 pm

I think most (if not all) cleaning help take something with them or steal in some way.
don't leave any valuable around and check on her more. you can leave a five someplace and then when she is in the house ask her if she saw it, they think you are rich and don't know that is missing.
before you fire her think that the next one might not clean good and steal the same...

b from nj

Tue, Jul 31 2012, 9:15 pm

bobeli wrote:

I am concerned about that, I really am but I only don't feel that I can trust her in my house & I am so hurt by the money that I am sadly convinced with 99.9% certainty that she has taken.

kenz

Tue, Jul 31 2012, 9:23 pm

Has no one here ever heard of the phrase "Lifnei iver lo sitein michshol?" Honestly guys, the cleaning ladies are all poor people who are not scrubbing your toilets b/c they love the work. Of course they should not steal but leaving $60 around one week, $40 the next, $20 after that, is really unfair and might even be baiting her. I agree you should probably not keep her around b/c you can't trust her, but it's not completely her fault.

b from nj

Tue, Jul 31 2012, 9:26 pm

kenz wrote:

Sorry Kenz, but I think my son should be allowed to keep $80 in a clip in his night-table drawer. It's pretty sad if he needs to keep his $$ locked up in my safe even though I think that is what he will be doing from now on which is chaval!!!

b from nj

Tue, Jul 31 2012, 9:29 pm

sarahla wrote:

I wouldn't want her to have to shlep out here b/c she lives in another town & comes via public transportation. I think I will have to tell her over the phone. still agonizing over what to say Sad

kenz

Tue, Jul 31 2012, 9:36 pm

b from nj wrote:

kenz wrote:

It's not a question of allowed or not allowed, it's a question of putting an unfair temptation in front of her - certainly the first time could not have been expected, but she was tested repeatedly. Again, I'm not defending her actions, but this concept of not placing stumbling block does exist in halachah; I didn't make it up. Shomrim and police - not to mention Rabbanim - are always saying that one should never, ever leave a cleaning lady alone in one's home, no matter how well you know them. There is a reason.

goodheart

Tue, Jul 31 2012, 9:39 pm

I would get rid of her asap /they start with little bits and end with big.
I never trust any cleaning lady alone in the house
or when they do my room I'm always in there.
I know its hard to find some one but.......