Changing linens for siblings

amother

Fri, Mar 08 2013, 2:09 pm

I wasn't sure where to put this, but this seems most appropriate.

So, my married kids are here, one almost every week, ken ayin hara, and it gets really difficult sometimes to change the linens (and that's with cleaning help. One Erev Yom Tov DH had no clean shirts because the help was so busy washing linens and making beds.)

So I asked my kids if they care if they sleep on a bed that their sister (or sister in law) slept in for one night a week ago. (After 2-3 weeks I will have them changed... yeah).

Of course if it bothered them, I would offer them the choice of: putting their linens into a bag in the closet, and we'll put them back on next time they come OR: bringing their own. Which we sometimes ask them to do if desperate.

Anyhow, not the main topic, so please don't post how you'd never come to my house. That's how we do it, and my kids are fine with it. This is all just by way of intro.

But this is my question. This was a new one on me: DD, who's in HS, wanted to use a guest room when two friends slept over to study for a test, & she was too tired to make beds, so they all slept on floors/chairs...

She said she thinks a woman is not allowed to sleep on a bed that was used by a man (if I could think of any possible reason, I would think, beacuse there might be emissions? Which is ikky, but not likely to impregnate?)

Has anyone learned this? I asked DH & said, maybe, he thinks she's right. Never covered in my kallah classes, that's for sure.

mummiedearest

Fri, Mar 08 2013, 3:12 pm

amother, a person can catch ringworm from sharing linens with someone else. do yourself a favor and have them bring their own linens. if they want, they can pick a place to store their own linens at your house. they can take them home to be washed. and they can make and strip their own beds. there is no reason for your help to do all this.

Fri, Mar 08 2013, 3:24 pm

Adult children can be asked to make their own beds, and wash their own linens, either at your house or theirs (or the laudromat), whichever works for you. They are adults who presumably are capable of making beds, and they are your kids, not "guests," so they can be asked to pitch in a little more, especially if they are staying over frequently. Don't occupy your household help with something like this, if you don't have to.

As for the other, never heard of it but that doesn't mean such a restriction doesn't exist. If everyone strips the beds after a visit, you'll never need to know.

nyer1

Fri, Mar 08 2013, 3:35 pm

well, you aren't supposed to sleep in your husband's bed when niddah, so maybe there is something similar about sleeping in a male's bed that isn't your husband ?.... either way, I agree, have your children bring their own sheets, offer to wash them for you, or, what my MIL sometimes does , is put 2 sheets on the bed at the same time... once you are washing the linen anyway, put a double set of sheets on. that way, when a guest leaves, they strip one layer, but the next layer is already on for the next guest to use... laundry half the amount of times. but when you DO wash linen, you are washing a few sets.

did that make sense? LOL

Tablepoetry

Sat, Mar 09 2013, 1:01 pm

Don't know any halacha about using a bed that's been used by a man.

I don't really have a problem with my kids using each other's beds sometimes. For example, my (young) girls sometimes decide to sleep in the same room, or to change rooms. Usually they will take their own pillowcases, but blankets/sheets are their sibling's. (I do change all their linen weekly, if that makes a difference).

However, there's a difference between that and using linen that a married adult couple has used. Even if they have no privacy, and you know nothing's 'happened'...still. Just ask them to strip the beds, and store their linen somewhere for the next time.
Even if your own children said they don't mind, I find it hard to believe none of the in-law kids care.

tzfatisha

Sat, Mar 09 2013, 3:01 pm

my sil keeps each individual set of linen inside one of the pillow cases and each set (all different natch) is kept for each family that comes to visit for shabbat...and not washed in between visits... up to a certain amount of time...
so couple a has set a
couple b has set b
etc
meanwhile they are all kept tidy in the cupboard between visits and each set of linen is washed as necessary..
this works for her..
otherwise get the couples to bring their own linen.. u are not a laundry service...
and make their own beds...
one less job for u .. and it will encourage them to come earlier erev shabbat...so they will have time to set up..
also giving u less pressure..
why should they think u are a hotel...

amother

Sun, Mar 10 2013, 12:33 am

when I go to my in laws for shabbos I usually sleep in the girls room and the girls go into the other girls room(mil has 2 girl rooms)
mil is bH so bbusy with such a big household that she often would forget to change linen. ( it is the responsibility of a HS daughter which forgets usually) most of times I wld change linen or bring along my own. but a lot of times I wld leave linen for dh and me are not so particular and we dont mind to sleep on sil linen. after all, it is being changed very often...(weekly )

vintagebknyc

Sun, Mar 10 2013, 8:32 am

OP, all of these children are old enough to be changing their own linens (and stripping beds when they leave after shabbas). you don't have time for this kind of crazy mishegas. if your teen daughter doesn't want to sleep on any one particular set of sheets, she is perfectly capable of doing the laundry---I've been doing my own since I'm about 11 years old. you're allowing them to make you crazy. have all the sheets washed and folding in a pile in the hallway, then everyone can grab their own sheets and make their beds as they see fit.

as for ringworm, I promise you that you won't get it from a sheet or any other dry surface--otherwise nobody would sit in the park or restaurants. I once got it from a kitten, and that's because I'm been hugging and petting and carrying her around for two weeks.

amother

Sun, Mar 10 2013, 11:53 am

I will be the voice of dissent. I go to my parents so rarely that when I come, I want to be treated like a guest. Yes, I expect the beds to be made with fresh linen, pack and play set up, ect. If my mom can't even bother to make me feel welcome I don't want to go.
Maybe this is also because I treat my own guests very well and would never ask them to make beds.
But my mom also has no kids living at home now. Maybe if she was so busy with lots of kids I would feel different.

anonymom

Sun, Mar 10 2013, 10:02 pm

If there is a guest room and a bed is used sometimes by a man and sometimes by a woman I don't think that's a problem, as long as linens were changed. It is probably better if the person doesn't know who last slept in the bed.
It is different if it is someone's regular bed and someone of the other gender sleeps in it. I don't know if its a halachic problem, but I would be grossed out to sleep in a man's bed even with clean sheets. I'd be slightly less grossed out to sleep in a woman's bed and I am definitely grossed out sleeping in hotels where zillions of strangers slept, even with clean (??) sheets. I would also be very reluctant to let anyone sleep in my bed.

Hatemywig

Mon, Mar 11 2013, 3:14 pm

amother wrote:

amother

Mon, Mar 11 2013, 3:32 pm

Hatemywig wrote:

amother wrote:

How mature to roll your eyes at my post.

Raisin

Mon, Mar 11 2013, 4:05 pm

anonymom wrote:

I always change the guestbed sheets but honestly I have never ever heard of people reserving guest beds for male or female use. having said that I my house our beds never get leant out. And the rest of the beds belong to kids. But if my grown up son was away I would not hesitate to lend his bed to a guest if needed.

Maybe you should travel with a mattress protector. Ikea sell quite thick ones you can lay on top of the mattress under the sheets.

OOTBubby

Mon, Mar 11 2013, 5:30 pm

amother wrote:

I'm glad your mom has the koach for this. I don't. I do have a cleaning lady who does it for me, but if I didn't, my kids would need to do it themselves as I can't handle changing a lot of beds and washing all the linen.

I do my best to have things as nice as possible for my kids, but I wouldn't hesitate to ask them to do it if necessary.

tsiggelle

Mon, Mar 11 2013, 5:56 pm

amother wrote:

when there are still kids living at home there is less time. when all the kids are out, the mother is usually that much older (twenty , thirty, forty years make a difference) and has that less energy.