The oldest or the youngest?

Chanie

Thu, May 19 2005, 11:26 am

I know I mentioned this situation before but as I talk to more and more people I get more and more confused.... what is the right thing to do?

My son is born a few days after the deadline and is very advanced intellectually. I thought it would be best to push him up a grade but many pple tell me that I am setting my kid up to have it harder in life.
Some pple say that it's better to be challenged in school or the child gets very bored and ends up getting in trouble (which happened to a few of my siblings, who did well on exams but couldn't sit it class because the teachers would cater to the slower kids)
The other day I was talking to someone about my dilemma and she told me not to push my child up because it's a tuff school with a lot of bulling and a younger kid wont be able to keep up with it.
That being said I thought that the younger grade was better.
I was talking to my sons 3 daycare teachers yesterday and they told me my son is definitely intellectually ready for the older grade and that my son would NOT allow himself to be stepped on.. more of the leader then the follower and if anyone messes with him..... The only reason why they say they might not push him up is cuz it means sitting in a desk a year earlier (although it's only a year earlier then the oldest kid... 1/2 the kids will be only a few months older at most)
HELP!

stem

Thu, May 19 2005, 11:47 am

I personally would not push him ahead. My parents kept me back a year and it was the best decision. My husband was pushed ahead and he was always the youngest, and bullied throught the school years. He was extremely smart, but would have benefited greatly to be with kids his own age. I think that a child who is six going on seven is better equipped emotionally and physically to start first grade then a child who is five going on six. If he gets bored in class, maybe the school has a resource room where he could get extra learning.

Chanie

Thu, May 19 2005, 11:57 am

I was in that situation... I was born right after the dead-line (by 1 hour) and my mother didn't push me but said she sometimes wished she had.
I dont really have choices of different schools to find one that has a good program to work on a kids level. And I do not think this school is too tuff learning wise. If they would have resource room, it would probably only be for kids who have learning problems not for the advanced. A kid who is bored at school when they are little will learn to turn it off at a younger age and later when school does get tougher the child already has no interest in school.
People condemned me for teaching my child his aleph Bais and such before he was even 2years for that reason. What they don't realise is I just had answered his questions and never intentionally taught it to him, he did it on his own.

gryp

Thu, May 19 2005, 12:03 pm

Chanie, personally I think you should trust what the teachers say. they spend most of the day with him and know his academic and social level.
I was the youngest in my class because I was pushed ahead and it was really no big deal. especially if most of the class is only older by a few months.

Tefila

Thu, May 19 2005, 3:32 pm

Boys especially I would not push. They have intense learning in the years ahead and unlike girls are expected to sit for quite awhile. I pushed my oldest son b/c of what teachers felt and till this day I regret having listened b/c he was intellectually ready, emotionaly he was not. And he too is not the type of kid to get stepped on but I feel he would have had less standing up to do for himself, if I had kept him down!

When it came to my fourth son also a deadline kid and quite intellectual I refused to let them move him up. And I kept him in kindergarten for 2 years. He was ok with it since he's a sociable kid!

As a teacher I will say that the smart ones that jumped or were pushed stand out usually miles apart from their peers. B/c they are immature.

My only exception would be if one has a gifted child not just intelligent but an Albert Einstien type and I know of such a kid here! That child needs stimulating but those kids also miss out on social skills etc.

p.s. There are I Q tests physcologists take ask your school to refer you to one!

Sunshine

Thu, May 19 2005, 4:33 pm

freilich wrote:

As a teacher I will say that the smart ones that jumped or were pushed stand out usually miles apart from their peers. B/c they are immature.
A child needs stimulating but those kids also miss out on social skills etc.

I fully agree with Freilich and unfortunatly have seen too many parents make this mistake. School isn't about brains only and even if they are keeping up intellectually if they are not emotionally it is not a good thing to do. The children suffer a lot socially and with self esteem if they don't have friends and are babied by their classmates.

imaamy

Thu, May 19 2005, 4:50 pm

It does depend on the child but I have a boy and a girl both born in August. I never thought of holding them back. Socially and academically they've been fine, but I think the kindergarten year is an adjustment no matter what. My daughter is very cranky by the end of the day!

motheroftwo

Thu, May 19 2005, 6:09 pm

I was born in February and my parents pushed me ahead. I had to take one of those test to see if I was ready and actually failed it because I was very shy and didn't answer the questions. My parents pushed me ahead and I never had a problem , I was always at the head of the class.
I think for a boy it's different though. Boys are tougher on each other especially when they feel that somebody is weaker/younger/shorter.
So eventhough he might be intellectually ready, Ithink you should wait and let him rather be one of the older/bigger kids. Also academically he will have an easier time. My daughter is born in January and I kept her back because I found her immature at the time. She's going into kindergarten next year so we'll see how it works out.

hisorerus

Thu, May 19 2005, 6:35 pm

It's hard to know in preschool if maturity-wise they'd catch up quickly or not. I went ahead in kindergarten because it was way too easy so I was not very well behaved... But I went back a few years later because I had a hard time socially.

smile

Thu, May 19 2005, 7:08 pm

My parents kept me a year longer in kindergarten because they said I had no "sitzfleish" meaning no patience to sit for a whole day in school and learn. So they kept me a year longer so I could play, run... let go some more and was then more ready the next year to sit and learn.
I never had any problem. I, with a few other girl who also went later to school were a whole year older then the others and it made no difference to all of us.

lucy

Thu, May 19 2005, 8:19 pm

Chanie I know exactly what you are going through. I was so worried when my daughter started school. Infact her teachers inadvertedly basically say that she is ahead of the class. When she plays with her cousins or friends children who are 2 or 3 yrs older than her she totally keeps up if not is the leader of the group! So it is very difficult. Yet speaking as a preschool teacher most of preschool is really learning social skills. Firstly, it's not so much his knowledge but his maturity level and social skills. So I would suggest is speaking to the school before he starts next year & telling them your dillema. Suggesting an option of moving him up. The truth is he can always be moved up later. Most people who were pushed a grade up 90% wished their parents didn't!

midmom

Tue, May 24 2005, 2:45 pm

I have a son who was pushed up, he is now in mesivta. Many many regrets for that since his class was a horendous situation and it was 8 bad years. The class below him is a much better class and although he would be on the advanced side he would have managed. My daughter on the other hand we did not push up, also a borderline deadline and again majpr regrets, since the class above is much, much better. Breing on this side of things I can tell you that you cannot know at that age how the classes will turn out since from preschool to elemantary things change alot. You have to make your best decision and than have bleleif that hashgocha protis takes a part in where your kid ends up and hashem is running the world not us as we would like to think!