How do I wean 21 month old that doesn't want to stop nursing

amother

Thu, Mar 13 2014, 10:57 pm

Hi,

I need some advice please. I would like to wean my 21 month old son but don't know how to. He's not loosing interest in it , and wants to continue all day and night Sad

I need my body back and space...

I try feeding him real food but he refuses 80 percent of the time. He always prefers nursing. Even when he is starving he'd cry and wait for me to nurse him.

I feel like he"a getting too big and is not a baby anymore... I wanted to wean him at 1, but wasn't successful.
My heart can't take his crying so I always give in. I do it for him , not for myself.

this is the only way he knows how to relax and sleep. He doesn't know how to soothe himself or put himself to sleep. I'm like his pacifier and main source of food. For him it's more than the food, it's comfort, attachment, connection.

I want help learning how to wean, what to do when he cries( because he won't stop till he gets what he wants). How to put him to sleep by himself for naps and at night.

Any advice is greatly appreciated.

dr. pepper

Thu, Mar 13 2014, 11:02 pm

Not sure this is the response you want, but someone I know told me her sister put band aids on her nipples and kept telling her child they were "broken/had a boo-boo" LOL

-I personally thought that was hysterical.

I've never head the issue so I can't offer real advice; my kids all kind of weaned themselves between 12-15 months.

I did have one friend whose son also refused to eat and only wanted to nurse. In fact, as soon as he realized she was cutting back nursing as she increased his solids intake (he was only 12 months!)-he went on a food strike! shock

She eventually waited till she was confident she wanted to stop nursing completely and went cold turkey.
She felt he was the kind of kid that couldn't have it both way.

amother

Thu, Mar 13 2014, 11:49 pm

I let my kids nurse as long as they want, so I'm not much help Smile

I cut the nursing sessions short when I need my space. Count out loud to 20 Smile

DHs are great for this - my nursing 19 month old is THRILLED to go to sleep with Tatty, and sleeps beautifully... whereas with me he just wants to nurse. Rolling Eyes

Mama Bear

Thu, Mar 13 2014, 11:57 pm

I weaned my son when he was 23 months old. He was the type who snacked at the all night open bar/breastaurant Wink

and used me as a pacifier. what I would do was make a warm chocolate milk bottle and take him into bed with me and snuggle with him as he drank the bottle, and when he drifted off, put him back into his crib. it took only 2 nights. The 3rd night he slept through the night. I was shocked.

He stopped napping even before I weaned, so getting him to nap wasnt an issue. (Life was very tough with him not napping at that young age!)

watermelon

Fri, Mar 28 2014, 11:12 am

Mama Bear wrote:

what I would do was make a warm chocolate milk bottle and take him into bed with me and snuggle with him as he drank the bottle, and when he drifted off, put him back into his crib.

This!
Thanks mama bear, cuz I saw you mention this once and ended up weaning ds and dd this way. Eventually the warm choc milk turned into warm milk, then cold milk, and now its a cold water bottle in bed so the teeth don't rot.
Totally a comforting and effective way to stop nursing!

imaima

Fri, Mar 28 2014, 12:34 pm

I'm in the same boat except she doesnt nurse during the day, but in the night always expects to be nursed until she is deep asleep. I have put on a dress with no zipper so I have no temptatiin ti weap out the breast, and am going to wear a nightshirt that doesnt open in the front! Wish me luck!!

tweety1

Fri, Mar 28 2014, 5:23 pm

amother wrote:

Hi,

I need some advice please. I would like to wean my 21 month old son but don't know how to. He's not loosing interest in it , and wants to continue all day and night Sad

I need my body back and space...

I try feeding him real food but he refuses 80 percent of the time. He always prefers nursing. Even when he is starving he'd cry and wait for me to nurse him.

I feel like he"a getting too big and is not a baby anymore... I wanted to wean him at 1, but wasn't successful.
My heart can't take his crying so I always give in. I do it for him , not for myself.

this is the only way he knows how to relax and sleep. He doesn't know how to soothe himself or put himself to sleep. I'm like his pacifier and main source of food. For him it's more than the food, it's comfort, attachment, connection.

I want help learning how to wean, what t
o do when he cries( because he won't stop till he gets what he wants). How to put him to sleep by himself for naps and at night.

Any advic is greatly appreciated.

You wont like my advice but this is how I c it. Being that youre his main source of food to wean him for your reasons other than pregnancy is pure selfish.
I heard of somebody who spoke to a rav abt such an issue and was told she's not allowed to stop nursing cuz hes doing it more than just for comfort. Think abt your child not only abt "your space"
Signing off I love my nursing. Would never give it up just cuz "I need space and my body"

imaima

Sat, Mar 29 2014, 3:23 pm

tweety1 wrote:

Sorry I disagree. This is a 2 y.o. for goodness sake. Some mothers are not just so much into this feeling when a mouth full of teeth is sucking on your breast for hours.
I also had a child like that, didn't want to eat food because she knew, there is always breast milk. Once the breast milk was gone, she discovered other foods.
There is a moment when a mother needs to evaluate what kind of service she is doing for the child while holding on to something he is supposed to be outgrowing, and does she need to suffer for this. When you love your nursing and it doesn't even occur to you to stop, then you both are happy and you can carry on. This is not OPs situation.
And please don't call her selfish for wanting her body back after 2 years of nursing! Those who are truly selfish stop at 2 weeks so they could drink alcohol and smoke again, and feed their baby with the bottle propped up against the blanket, so the mother won't have to bother holding her.
If the child nurses day and night, then I would first stop day and then night, or the other way round, and not cold turkey.

mom4many

Sat, Mar 29 2014, 3:51 pm

You didn't say how many times a day/night you end up nursing. I'd think he'd have to nurse tons and tons to be full at that age.
I think you don't have to wean him cold turkey, but you could make it 3 times a day: morning, nap time & night. The rest of the times you say: now we eat breakfast & put him in a high chair next to you when you eat. Same with lunch & supper. If he's fussy, sometimes it works to read him a story & distract him while you put food in his mouth.
At night you might dh's help to calm him, but prepare your baby and tell him that he has to sleep at night and no nursing, in whatever language he can understand.
Good luck!!!

Ruchel

Sat, Mar 29 2014, 3:57 pm

If the 21 month old's child still has nursing as main food, I don't know if I wouldn't panick over lack of diversification. Another perspective... Now, I don't know, maybe it's fine. I did expect mine to make "full meals" much before that though, with or without the breast.

amother

Sat, Mar 29 2014, 7:25 pm

Op here
Thank you all so much for your wonderful advice , especially to imaima. You definitely understand where I'm coming from and why I want to wean my son.

To tweety1 : I am not selfish in weaning my 2 year old son. I've breasted him for 2 full years (Arnd the clock ) , never gave him formula or baby jars. I am a SAHM and am always there for my son, to feed him, change him and care for all his needs.

I too love nursing, there's nothing like knowing your giving the best to your child.
Now that he is 2, It came to a point that he needs to eat real food and get all the nutrition he needs. BF at this age is good for a side snack or comfort but not something that is really needed full time. Everyone is telling me to stop and let him cry it out; but I don't have the heart to do it. I'm trying to offer more foods now and nurse less.

Also, you shouldn't be calling me selfish! I'm up all hours of the day and night nursing him. Wanting my body, bed, space and sleep is totally necessary at this point for me to function. I'm exhausted and need to do what's best for us!! Please don't judge !!

chevron

Sun, Mar 30 2014, 1:41 am

I'm in a similar situation, My son is similar age. If you want to wean during the day I would try to distract him by going out a lot for a wk. Does he eat better out of the house or in the park . That will help him not be that hungry and need your milk as much.

The bottle to sleep can be a comforting way to wean to sleep only I would do it with water or a very diluted juice. And once that's done try to gradually wean him from that otherwise it will be another thing to wean him frombtdt.

Last edited by chevron on Sun, Mar 30 2014, 1:43 am; edited 1 time in total

busydev

Sun, Mar 30 2014, 1:42 am

op your amazing.
I would limit the times to 3-4 times a day. just offer him food at breakfast, lunch, supper and snack and a cup of milk or water the rest of the time. the first couple days he will prob hold out and not really eat... but then he will get hungry, esp cause 3-4 sessions a day wont fill him up. this is basically what happened with my ds at 1. I night weaned him then-cold turkey- and he suddnely started eating much more food cause he needed more. he used to have a couple bites each meal, and then started eating much more within the first 36 hours of night weaning him. you will have to deal with his cried. try distraction/offering drinks (warm choc milk sounds good) or snacks and make yourself inaccesable (no zippers he can easily pull down.
hatzlocha

notshanarishona

Sun, Mar 30 2014, 4:16 am

tweety1 wrote:

this is the most judgemental post I have seen abt nursing in a long time. totally disagree with you.

21 months is a long time and the child does not physically need it anymore.

There r many difficulties involvled with nursing and many many women dont have the strength for it.

a women needs to care about herself too.