Feeling guilty about purim

amother

Mon, Mar 17 2014, 12:36 pm

Purim has come and gone. We learn that Purim is one of the most powerful days for tfilla.

I would have loved to have gone to vasikin, or even shachris. Forget about going to shachris, I would have loved to have at least davened.

Motzei Shabbos was a busy night for everyone. Cleaning up from shabbos, running out to hear megilla, and packaging many MM. I got to bed after 2am!

Sunday morning started early with a screaming baby and then a very busy day. Putting the finishing touches on MM, hearing megilla, and then preparing for the seuda I had no time to pray. After delivering all MM and making a seuda and cleaning up till 3am I never even had a chance to daven! I didn't sit for 1 minute during the day, I feel so guilty for wasting such a precious day. I know that my job is taking care of my family and I fulfilled my mitzvos of the day but I didn't daven, or even say a perek of tehillim!

I have so much to daven for and thank Hashem for, I feel so guilty for letting the day just slip away.

pelle

Mon, Mar 17 2014, 12:44 pm

I understand how you feel. I once read in a book that a mothers sweating over her children and family are like tears to H'kadosh baruch Hu. It's sounds like you were nonstop all day for your family and involved in mitzvos. Smile

PinkFridge

Mon, Mar 17 2014, 12:53 pm

pelle wrote:

Beautiful!
FTR, the year has 353/383/364 other days in the year. I did complete the sefer Tehillim yesterday and sure couldn't have even a few years ago.

Dovid Hamelech wrote, Va'ani sefilasi - I am my prayer. My very life and what I have to do to keep it going are a prayer to you, Hashem. I think that there are a number of ways to explain this concept, I can't distill one right now, but it kept and keeps me going.

It's hard when we feel like more like we're facilitating everyone else's lives and growth over our own. But it's really precious, and the dividends are amazing. Of course we must not use "yenem's gashmius [and ruchnius] is my ruchnius" as an excuse to never leave ourselves time for spirituality but sometimes that is what we're supposed to be doing.

amother

Mon, Mar 17 2014, 1:09 pm

I spent Purim last year davening tearfully for a child after years of SIF. I said the entire sefer Tehillim in one sitting motzaei Shabbos.

This year I managed to say two perakim of Tehillim. The rest of the time I was too busy with my older child's mishloach manos deliveries and my demanding, delicious new blessing. To me, the few rushed tefillos that I whispered in between nursing, setting up for the seuda, straightening costumes, and delivering and organizing mishloach manos were so much sweeter than last year's intense prayers.

We're busy people! The fact that you are grateful for all you have and that you didn't have time to daven properly is incredible in and of itself.