very important question

amother

Tue, Mar 18 2014, 6:35 am

Is a child allowed to see a woman (grandmother/sil/other relatives) on the day that he turns 3?

hila

Tue, Mar 18 2014, 6:43 am

er... why not ??

Or is this a new imamother chumra of the day ?

(Hey I was a Meron a couple of weeks ago, and saw the cutest little boy with a long pony tail run back and forth between his mother, aunts and grandmother to his father on the men's side during Shacharit. So cute)

amother

Tue, Mar 18 2014, 6:48 am

I'm looking for a source that says you can't to avoid any machloket.
My sil made chalaka and banned all the womans on sight. The grandparents are hurt beyond words.
Maybe if I have a source they will calm down a bit

amother

Tue, Mar 18 2014, 7:18 am

This is more of a minhag, not halacha. The not seeing women thing stems from not seeing women that are not clean. Since they won't be asking everyone before entering if they are clean or not, they don't invite women to the upsherin affair.

Grandparents are usually past the age of getting their periods, so they do come to the upsherin of the boy.

tigerwife

Tue, Mar 18 2014, 7:33 am

Interesting.

If the mother herself is not clean, then she is also banned from the upsheren?

PinkFridge

Tue, Mar 18 2014, 8:09 am

Ask your SIL directly where it comes from. Maybe it comes from a relative who was an adherent of some chassidus or other community and you can ask the current rav, rebbe, etc.

amother

Tue, Mar 18 2014, 8:12 am

I think it's a chasidish thing. Yes, it's so that he doesn't see a nidda, however instead of saying 'no nidda women allowed' they just say 'no women'. It's not so common but in some circles it's the done thing.

shabbatiscoming

Tue, Mar 18 2014, 8:14 am

amother wrote:

This is so that the 3 year old does not see a woman in nidda? Can I ask why? I mean, he is 3. He is not bar mitzvahed or getting married, but 3. Seriously asking. I never heard that before and every upsherin that I have been to, the women have been part of the cutting.

amother

Tue, Mar 18 2014, 8:17 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

It's about not being being exposed to tumah on the day of his upsherin. The people who keep this minhag are also very careful to keep the child home all day so he isn't exposed to any inappropriate sights. That's also why three years olds are wrapped in a tallis on their way to cheder.

shabbatiscoming

Tue, Mar 18 2014, 8:19 am

amother wrote:

got it.

amother

Tue, Mar 18 2014, 9:22 am

OP here, if u say that's a minhag and not an halacha this should be known in our family.
This is the first time we heard about it and... it's not her first boy...

JoyInTheMorning

Tue, Mar 18 2014, 9:36 am

amother wrote:

You can easily be a grandmother of a three year old when you are 45 and still in the thick of menstruation.

Otherwise, I have no words (well, no words that are polite) for some of what I read.

Imhappy!

Tue, Mar 18 2014, 12:56 pm

bh its not the minhag in my family. although a neighbor of mine did tell the where its written....

actually it was "I" in all panic that worried about it to Dh ... if its written and I want my son to be heilig then what will be if I'll be nidda... husband kept on ressuring me that its not our minhag...

bh I wasnt nidda that day but boy was I worried ( ya... I tend to worry) and I totally forgot that we also invited other ladies... was so busy worry about myself. lol...

it is a minhag that is practices in some families....

mommy9

Tue, Mar 18 2014, 1:30 pm

My husband is very strict about it. We don't have a party and my teenage daughters stay in their rooms til after the haircut. I was never a niddah but my husband said he would have davvened vasikin before the 3 yr old woke up and then cut his hair right away. After the haircut its ok.

amother

Tue, Mar 18 2014, 2:43 pm

It's a good thing that my DH and I were unaware of this minhag at my DS's upsherin. I would have been completely beside myself if I had not been allowed to be at his haircut!

I had just gotten my period the day before and was very down about it. It was a few months after I'd had a mis and I really wanted to move on. (In retrospect, I realize that I was emotionally not quite ready for another pregnancy. Hashem was good to me in making me wait a few more months.)

Raisin

Tue, Mar 18 2014, 4:57 pm

Wow. Never heard of this one. I really hope your sil checked whether this somewhat obscure minhag takes precedance over kibbud av v'em. (which last time I checked is one of the aseres hadibros) Chalaka is a minhag. A nice minhag, not one that should make people feel bad.

amother

Tue, Mar 18 2014, 4:59 pm

Makes me feel sad and sickened. Hearing about these things makes me so angry, and start to have doubts. A toddler shouldn't see his mother!!!! on the day of his upsherin? My gosh, it's not like my tampon is going to jump out at him and start wiggling and dripping blood all over.