Guest making me uncomfortable talking about their past life!

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Forum -> Relationships -> Guests

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amother

Thu, Apr 24 2014, 7:59 pm

Ok - so I have this guest that is generally nice. Sometimes can be a little like weird. Will like catch an attitude ( I swear its like she is bi-polar). But she is a convert and doesn't have much family. Her husband is totally normal and her kids are super cute. My only problem is that sometimes she talks about how she use to eat pork or party. At first I didn't really care but she brings these things up a lot. Last time she was telling me about how she use to take hard core shots. Honestly its not st I can relate to and it's a bit embarrassing for me especially when there are other guest at my table. I'm not a closed minded person but it just comes off the wrong way and just way to much. You can even say its just not tzniusdig. I try to change the subject but sometimes she continues and it just puts me off. I don't want to stop inviting her. How do I go about it?

Learning

Thu, Apr 24 2014, 8:05 pm

Tell her that you like to keep the Shabbos table rated g or under in regard to our tora lifestyle. That is what you request and comfortable with. You are not negating her past life and you admire her for choosing the tora but this is your comfort zone.

chaos

Mon, Apr 28 2014, 7:42 am

Pick a time during the week, say a short phone call or over coffee. Tell her that you enjoy having her for Shabbat and you admire and respect her for choosing a Torah lifestyle, but that you feel uncomfortable when she mentions her pre-religious days at your Shabbat table.

She may not even realize she's making you uncomfortable. I didn't grow up religious and I've mentioned stories/anecdotes about my non-Shomer Shabbat days at Shabbat tables before. I've never yet gotten a vibe that the host(s) was uncomfortable or found the story inappropriate, but if she/they did, I would certainly want them to tell me directly, the sooner the better, so I'd know to stop.

DrMom

Mon, Apr 28 2014, 7:48 am

I wasn't there, so I don't know in what way she mentioned these things.

However, although Jews aren't supposed to call attention to a convert's status, I don't think there's anything wrong about a convert himself referring to his own former non-Jewish status, is there?

There's nothing wrong with non-Jews eating pork, so in principal, she wasn't doing anything wrong at the time.

Not sure what kind of details she provided about her "partying," but I can see how, esp. if you have teenagers at home, that would make you uncomfortable.

anotherima

Mon, Apr 28 2014, 7:51 am

Just tell her!
Maybe she thinks people are interested in hearing about this.
I am a BT and when I used to be a guest at people's homes they all wanted to know how I became frum. Ho hum....I sometimes wished I had a recording or little movie to play for them to view.

chani8

Mon, Apr 28 2014, 8:23 am

Try something like, "You are amazing! You've come so far in your life. But to be honest, you're kind of shocking my FFB's ears. Can we not talk about your past anymore?"

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