The Mess is Swallowing Me Up, Get Help or Not?

amother

Sun, Dec 07 2014, 2:56 pm

I have 2 jobs, both from home, both flexible. I have a cute little baby and a DH and I have a messy apartment. I have ADD and its very hard for me to stay on top of things. I can go for a day and make the house look gorgeous, but then drop it the next day or I can focus on just one thing ex. laundry, dishes, but not everything. I used to sort of manage since I worked set hrs., I came home and had time b4 DH came home and I had much less laundry and no-one sleeping in the room I needed to clean/put stuff in.
After a baby, a bigger apartment (w/ one sink!!!) and flexible hrs., my house started to get messy and I feel like I am losing control and the house will never be clean or stay clean. DH is fine w/ the mess. It's not a pigsty, just a bit messy. But it bothers me!!!

The question is, should I get cleaning help? I am thinking about 3 hrs. a week (if I can find someone who would work for such a short amount of time). We are just a couple w/ a baby.

DH doesn't mind financially, but he really thinks that I am capable and that I'll "give-up" if I find someone to help me.

I'm not sure. It might help me in the long run b/c I'll want to use a cleaning lady as little as possible to save $ and possibly clean more. Also, a clean house would probably enable me to think more clearly-finish more work and make more $. I could also save money if I don't buy stuff I already have. Also, maybe I can learn from the cleaning lady?

Or maybe I am just being lazy (on the computer waaayyyy too much) and I should learn how to manage my house.

What do you think?

Dolly Welsh

Sun, Dec 07 2014, 3:09 pm

Yes, that.

I would say get some help.

No, you won't "give up".

And who cares if you do.

You are very productive. You are working and taking care of your baby. And cooking.

What more does anybody want from you? That's what counts.

It is a lot of mental work to respond to the baby and to do paid work from home - all of that with no supervisor, no office routine and structure, no support and guidance from co-workers. You are terrific!

Organizing the house on top of that can only be done with habit, not thought. You don't seem too good at those habits.

You are very valuable. Nobody is perfect.

Yes, hire some help.

penguin

Sun, Dec 07 2014, 3:54 pm

I am fairly disorganized.

At one point I had help twice a week for 2 or 3 hours. I felt like it helped me stay on top of things, because I could take it a couple of days at a time - I only had to try to maintain for 2 or 3 days and then my savior would arrive.

Of course, the down side is that when the savior doesn't show up, one can have a melt down.

Having a DH who's willing to pitch in is very wonderful. However, it's very important to train him clearly as to what you want done and how, otherwise he can throw out the magazines for the last five weeks from which you were just about to clip recipes (or an important hashkafa series, and now you'll have to wait for the book!)

amother

Sun, Dec 07 2014, 5:39 pm

ROFL, I wish! Maybe I could find an Israeli one around here, but they would never understand why I have so much STUFF!

Dolly, thank you! You really made me feel much better. I am working very hard! Working at home has its perks, but it's hard!

Penguin, thank you for understanding me. I did forget to write that DH used to be much more available. That did help me manage much better. Pretty soon after I moved, he started school and is so busy w/ class and HW. He helps me on Friday b"H when he's off, but not very much during the week. I totally hear you about the magazines BTW Smile

Bottom line, I think I will try a cleaning lady just for a few hrs. and try to manage things in between...

d l

Sun, Dec 07 2014, 11:20 pm

I am similar to you- not naturally organized but a mess makes me nervous and is harder to work in.

For sure get a cleaning lady! It will be your happiest day. You deserve it.

For a different person keeping the house clean and organized is simple but you are wired differently and it involves much more time and effort. It will be amazing to have the help.

Good luck!

amother

Mon, Dec 08 2014, 1:05 am

DH just helped me take everything off my desk. We put it in boxes in the spare room. The problem is, most of it is things I need to deal with. But I am hoping that if I have a clean surface, I can take five items an hour. Or something like that.

But I usually can't have my desk and my night table and my dresser all clean at once. Because I tend to shift the mess.

I am hoping to work on throwing things out much more cavalierly. Perhaps we should have a support group.

Now that I think of it, I believe that in elementary school they called me "Messalina Messy Desk".

amother

Mon, Dec 08 2014, 6:07 am

I had cleaning help that only had time for 11/2 hours a week, which worked out great. I didn't have her cleaning bedrooms, just the main area and bathrooms and all floors. She was able to do a lot in that amount of time. So if you are offering 3 hours, likely she'll be able to fold laundry and put it away, even. You probably don't need 3 hours of help, though, for three people in a small apt. Think about what you would really want someone to do for you. If you timed yourself, tidying up a house really doesn't take so long. Just the floors are hard.

amother

Mon, Dec 08 2014, 7:16 am

amother wrote:

The problem is not really the time. I am an energetic person b"H. I am very capable. My brain is just wired differently. Usually I am scared of the house and do the minimum to make it not a pigsty and make sure that we have clean dishes and laundry to use and wear. Occasionally, I'll get all excited and will jump into cleaning my house and making it look very clean... as soon as that excitement wears off, I will stop and won't be able to get off the couch or the computer (wtvr it is). I am consistently inconsistent! I could try to force myself to do that-maybe I'll start a spinoff for suggestions or I could just accept the fact that I am a great person and do a lot, but cleaning and household mgmt. is an area where I need help.

2gether

Mon, Dec 08 2014, 10:36 am

amother wrote:

I have 2 jobs, both from home, both flexible. I have a cute little baby and a DH and I have a messy apartment. I have ADD and its very hard for me to stay on top of things.

... and I feel like I am losing control and the house will never be clean or stay clean. DH is fine w/ the mess. It's not a pigsty, just a bit messy. But it bothers me!!!

The question is, should I get cleaning help? I am thinking about 3 hrs. a week (if I can find someone who would work for such a short amount of time).

DH doesn't mind financially, but he really thinks that I am capable and that I'll "give-up" if I find someone to help me.

What do you think?

you can tell DH that from a few hrs. a week, with all the facts , you do not "give-up".

ectomorph

Mon, Dec 08 2014, 10:41 am

Dolly Welsh wrote:

I love you Dolly!!

kollel wife

Mon, Dec 08 2014, 10:48 am

Although I am an very organized person by nature, juggling work home and baby can get confusing. Having the cleaning help can help you keep on top of things because part of it is getting done, so things are not getting out of hand.

The cleaning person can clean the bathroom, kitchen, floors, but you will still be picking up and putting away, doing laundry, folding and putting away, paying bills, shopping, being up at night if the baby is sick, etc.

You may not need more than 1.5 - 2 hours. Here where I live that's not hard to find when sharing a cleaning lady with others.

I think it will give you the push to keep things in order and help you enjoy the parts you have to do.