What do you look for in a friend?

Pamela

Tue, Nov 17 2015, 2:14 pm

I would like to proclaim this by saying that I would take your responses in consideration for a college essay. Nobody other than my professor and I (and all of my fellow Ima Mothers) will see the essay (IF I use any of the data)

Here goes,

What qualities do you and do you not want in a life long friend?

Thank you for all of you who will take the time to respond

thunderstorm

Tue, Nov 17 2015, 2:17 pm

Honest, a listening ear,non judgemental.

Sadie

Tue, Nov 17 2015, 2:41 pm

I like to have friends that are more extroverted than me, because I am pretty introverted. If other people didn't make the effort to invite me to things I would never go out. But if they're *too* extroverted then they drain my energy and I have to avoid them to keep my sanity. So a nice balance- someone to get me out of the house but also someone I can have comfortable silences with, without having to fill up every second together with speech.

howru2day

Tue, Nov 17 2015, 2:43 pm

Smart and intelligent most important to me.

Pamela

Tue, Nov 17 2015, 3:15 pm

Thank you ladies for your responses. I appreciate every single one

Iymnok

Tue, Nov 17 2015, 3:16 pm

Enjoyable to be around.
Care about me.
Mutual interests.
Balance.
Have a need or desire for my companionship.
Good middos, I like to be around people who I can look up to and value. I'd like my friends to feel similarly about me too.

amother

Wine

Tue, Nov 17 2015, 6:45 pm

I don't shop for friends with a grocery list of must-haves that I check off to decide if a person merits my friendship. Friendship develops. It starts with a certain sense of compatibility, possibly based on the expression of ideas that I like in a way that I like, especially online, sometimes based solely on the fact that the person looks good-natured or friendly or like "my kind of person". In person I can usually tell very quickly if someone is likely to become a good friend. It's a gut reaction and I may not necessarily be able to identify what triggers that response. I can't think of any friend of mine of whom I could say "This person is my friend because she has a strong moral character and is thoughtful and considerate." I wouldn't care to have a friend who was of poor moral character and was thoughtless and inconsiderate, but there are many thoughtful and considerate people of strong moral character and many other fine qualities with whom I would not want to be friends. So there's a lot more to friendship than that.

Sometimes the circumstances alone create the connection. If I found myself living in the back of beyond far from any shred of Jewish life, and came across another Jewish person of any denomination, chances are we would become best buddies because of that connection alone, unless that person were truly obnoxious. Once back in civilization, that connection might or might not hold.

amother

Beige

Tue, Nov 17 2015, 8:20 pm

Mutual liking.

Somehow I always seem to pick those who arent interested in me.

yksraya

Tue, Nov 17 2015, 8:21 pm

Kindhearted, nonjudgemental, openminded, fun loving, good sense of humor. Well mannered.

groisamomma

Tue, Nov 17 2015, 8:30 pm

I like friends that are independent, not whiny ones that say "You never call..."

amother

Amethyst

Tue, Nov 17 2015, 10:04 pm

Sincerity. Humility. Intelligence. Sense of humor. A warm smile.

amother

Black

Tue, Nov 17 2015, 10:43 pm

I look for a friend that has most life experiences that are similar to mine. why? So that we can understand each other's challenges and help support each other through the challenges.

I look for someone who will listen to me talk about what is bothering me, just to be sympathetic --a listening ear. But, it must be someone for whom I can do the same back. The friend must have a need for me, example that I can provide support to her --to help her in life.
A friend has to be someone that needs me for something--that I have what to "give" (emotionally) and that I need the friend that the friend provides support to me even just to listen.
I look for someone who will be able to be flexible with regards to my schedule of "life responsibilities". I must do the same for her. This means that when scheduling a "date" between us, we can try to both take each other's schedule into account.
I look for someone to accept me for how I am such that, I and the friend can "agree to disagree" and then move on and still respect each other.
I look for someone who is not so critical of me. Someone who will not make general statements about their point of view and then refuse to let others state their opposing views.
I look for someone who is sympathetic towards people.
I look for friend who will value me even if I did not attend their simcha such that the friend understands that I proved my love for the friend in other ways, but I could not attend the simcha for very good reasons.
I am looking for a friend who will not judge my reasons for not doing X, y, Z... and will not tell me that my reasons are not good --how dare I do that? I will also not judge the friend's reasons and allow her to "be the judge" that her reason is good such that her decision is okay.
Since, most ppl. judge others by the physical, by the dress, shoes, hair, makeup.... , I am looking for a friend who does not judge me by my looks. I as well will not judge based on the looks.

I am looking for a friend who could give me advice on things I ask, but will not be insulted if I don't follow the advice. That the friend will let me make the ultimate decision.
The friend does not have to be exactly like me but must have enough similar life experiences so that we can relate and give each other support for "life".
I am looking for a friend who respects me as a person and thinks that I have some value in this world.
I am looking for a friend who is open about her life just as I am with mine. Otherwise, it is just a one way street.
I am looking for someone who cares about me and my future and I reciprocate that feeling.

(It is really hard to put all the above in words; I hope I was clear. This is not an inclusive list because I can't remember everything.)

Zehava

Tue, Nov 17 2015, 10:53 pm

Someone who gets me, with all my quirks and weirdness. Someone I can be myself around, with no secrets, inhibitions, or explanations needed. Due to several factors aside from my personality (which is uncommon enough as is) these qualities are pretty rare to come by. And when they do, circumstances have to agree so we can have a chance to get to know each other. Since I'm not the type that would actually go after someone.

justforfun87

Tue, Nov 17 2015, 11:04 pm

I find myself attracted (friend way) towards friends who are low drama, a little rebellious, great sense of humor and sarcasm, and not too intellectual.

mommy3b2c

Tue, Nov 17 2015, 11:22 pm

I don't really look for friends. I have enough. These are some of the qualities I am attracted to:

-loyal
-open minded
-confident
-doesn't take themselves to seriously
-sense of humor
-kind hearted
-not a gossiper

mirror

Tue, Nov 17 2015, 11:26 pm

yksraya wrote:

Kindhearted, nonjudgemental, openminded, fun loving, good sense of humor. Well mannered.

Pamela

Thu, Nov 19 2015, 8:07 pm

Thank you all! It is interesting to see everyone's responses. Thank you so much!

PassionFruit

Thu, Nov 19 2015, 8:22 pm

deep, good at keeping secrets, reliable, giving, supportive

sneakermom

Thu, Nov 19 2015, 9:26 pm

Sees things like it is.
Humility
Smart
Kind
Not aloof but also not overly clingy.

amother

Emerald

Thu, Nov 19 2015, 9:37 pm

Someone who is interested enough in conversation with me not to allow herself to be interrupted every single second by every distraction going on.