Mishloach Manot - Article

PinkFridge

Mon, Feb 15 2016, 7:47 am

Interesting article. And I mean that in a good way. A few thoughts:
- re the subject of the article: ouch and yuch. YUCH!
- as far as themes, I think it's kind of ridiculous. Every year I think of publishing a book listing every single possible theme I can come up with, and then no one will be able to do any theme out of fear that people won't think it's original Twisted Evil

Seriously though, I have heard from themesters that it actually keeps it cheaper.
- but that begs the question: is the theme food actually useful?
- I send homemade baked goods. People who know me will eat them and enjoy them. Of course, unlike other mm's, where a family member might be charged with "recycling" as they come in, you have to know if your family will be comfortable eating from all the givers who come. Whether or not they'll like the food is another story. But this year, with Purim on Thursday/Friday, one can send salads and cookies that if not necessary for Purim, can be put aside for Shabbos.
- Anyone know which thread was referred to? The link just brought me to Imamother, no specific thread.

OK, I'll leave something for someone else to say Very Happy

Maya

Mon, Feb 15 2016, 8:05 am

I think the fact that the whole theme idea has become so mainstream - instead of being just something the creative people enjoyed - is ridiculous. Personally, I never felt the pressure to make any kind of elaborate or themed mishloach manos, and I certainly don't feel incompetent or less worthy because I make the exact same small thing every single year, and my kids' constumes don't match each other.

The article talks about the women who "decry the stress of Purim excess" but wanted to remain anonymous. I don't know, if it's so stressful for you yet you feel that you must do it to preserve your reputation, perhaps some professional help with working on your self esteem is in order.

myself

Mon, Feb 15 2016, 8:09 am

PinkFridge wrote:

Definitely agree with you about the title of the article. Will adjust the subject.

myself

Mon, Feb 15 2016, 8:10 am

Maya wrote:

ITA.

PinkFridge

Mon, Feb 15 2016, 8:12 am

myself wrote:

Definitely agree with you about the title of the article. Will adjust the subject.

I don't think it was necessary for you to change your thread title, but I definitely respect your sensitivities. It wasn't some sensationalism but an important part of the article. I was commenting on the article and the article solely. I think that these "specialty" MMs are profoundly distasteful - yuch - and that there is enough of a market for her business is the ouch.

zaq

Mon, Feb 15 2016, 8:16 am

Meh. The article isn't saying anything that intelligent people haven't been saying for years. The Fifty Shades thing, well, nobody ever claimed a person had to have taste, but, seriously, that borders on sacrilege. The woman ought to be ashamed of herself, but anyone who could produce such a thing has no shame. I, therefore, am ashamed for her and of her.

At what point does Hiddur Mitzvah cross over into gaavah and self-aggrandizement? This may be something only the individual, his/her conscience and possibly therapist can say, but here's a handy-dandy rule of thumb: if your internal dialogue is along the lines of "this will really wow them", Hiddur Mitzvah is not your primary objective.

But who is to blame? You are. Who told you to enter the frum equivalent of the state fair competition? Grow a backbone. Quit using other people as the yardstick by which you measure your worth as a person. Get back to basics. Consider the mitzvah and its purpose: to foster friendship and harmony. Not envy and one-upmanship.

And remember that according to Rambam, the more important part is Matanot Le-evyonim. If your Mat Lev outlay isn't significantly higher than your MM outlay, your priorities are backwards.

watergirl

Mon, Feb 15 2016, 8:53 am

I agree with everything that Zaq said.

Every year, this issue pops up here though. Those of us in the "end the mm madness" camp feel this way, and wonder what people are thinking. I had to chuckle at the mention in the article about the family who rented out the UPS truck one year - I've seen that too, more than once. So if those families are going for originality, they have spent a small fortune and have not achieved their goal. One family in a city that I used to live in actually all looked forward to their family theme, and although they have more money than they know what to do with, I was amazed year after year at the simplicity at their home made (matching, of course) costumes, and their super cheap mm. So while it is certainly possible to do it on the cheap (and do it well, like this family - who btw is modest and kind above all else, which I'm sure is why they have so much money!), how many people loose site of all that?

Those in the "Purim is the one time a year when I can express my creativity" camp will come out and exclaim how this is their favorite part of the year, and don't seem to care that my kids rip open their carefully packaged mm, poem discarded with out being read, food sorted into piles (keep, donate, trade, and "what were they thinking"), and expensive wrapping thrown out. Honestly, does anyone remember who sent what for more than 3 minutes after?
(TBH - literally ONE mm stands out, a hero sandwich from a family dressed as super heros. That was a good one, and it was almost 5 years ago).

Then there are those who feel the stress and competition, and I honestly think thats understandable in some communities. When you live in a place that looks and judges every single thing you so (stroller brand, kallah jewelry, backpack, and venettini shoe threads come to mind), is it any wonder why people feel the pressure here too?

One year, we were out delivering one of the 10 mm that we give out, and a woman stopped me and said "you weren't on my list but you are SO SPECIAL, and here you are - how can I not give to you"? She had a million in her car to hand out. I felt about an inch big. I am pretty sure the point is not to give out a million bags. That same year, I got a call from a family, wondering where we were and why we didnt bring them. We were on the way to their house, literally. But why the phone call?

There is indeed madness.

myself

Mon, Feb 15 2016, 9:02 am

PinkFridge wrote:

To be honest, I posted the article solely because of it's reference to imamother and hadn't fully read the article yet. embarrassed

Dandelion1

Mon, Feb 15 2016, 10:52 am

My only real issue with the themes has been mentioned, but I'm constantly surprised that those who do them don't realize.... The randomness of what goes in there often renders them basically inedible.... I love the mini ones.... A drink and a muffin kind of deal....

But this issue, like many other seemingly innocuous parts of life, can unexpectedly touch on many aspects of our selves.... as women, mothers, wives, and Jews. I've never been a very socially driven person, less and less so as I get older. But I remember as a younger mom, and working out of the house full-time, I felt a lot of these "social pressures" (the nice mm, having my kids in nice clothing, etc) felt more like a measure of how well I was performing in my motherhood.... like, did I have my act together or not? Kind of like when I was at work- how did I present my professional self? Organized and on top of things, or perpetually struggling and behind on deadlines? Not to impress others, more a measure of how I wanted to represent myself and my family....

Raisin

Mon, Feb 15 2016, 11:06 am

seems the most popular mm themes are foods that are actually edible and go well together. A hero sandwich as someone mentioned upthread. Bagels and spreads, a breakfast platter. Cookies and chocolate milk. etc.

I try and give out something of this type - one year I gave out cheese, crackers and cherry tomatoes, another year challa and grape juice. Nothing terribly original but who cares as long as its useful food that is likely to get eaten? I use the exact same packaging each year too.

amother

Royalblue

Mon, Feb 15 2016, 11:28 am

I hate the excess...hate the little grass stuffings and sparkles that I vacuum up until pesach. But I do a simple theme. It ends up being cheaper because how else can I throw small items and make it look nice? Like the year we did a super corny "orange you glad it's Purim", had orange bags and put in an orange and orange colored items in it (chips maybe? I don't remember). I didn't have time to do anything that year, lots going on, and not a lot of money. I had to buy bags anyways so why not?

But I know. The Mrs. Excess that we see would take my overused orange theme and make giant fruit platters with fancy orange colored fruits and orange liquor...

People don't usually do homemade foods where I live because of allergies and kashrus. But I think this is cheaper and easier...

PinkFridge

Mon, Feb 15 2016, 1:22 pm

amother wrote:

I don't do themes but I appreciate them for exactly the reason you mention. Take one of your packages and add some nice wine for the people you have to do something nice for and you're done.

And anyone have a link to the thread mentioned in the article?

thunderstorm

Mon, Feb 15 2016, 1:47 pm

I am a "theme" person because I'm creative and Purim is a way for me to use the creativity I was blessed with. I always write a cute poem, usually tied into Purim that fits my theme and dress up the whole family to boot. People have a good laugh and it adds fun to the Purim day.
This year I had planned for my boys to be scuba divers and I was going to make challah and dips for Shalach Manos ...and do something to the effect of we are "dipping and diving"...but my 5 year old doesnt even know what a scuba diver is and he wants to be a king...I finally convinced him into the scuba diver idea, but then today we decided that it's not fair to the kids. Let them be what they want to be. So my DH said HE will make shalach manos this year, since I told him I have an easier time keeping shalach manos cheap when I stick to a theme...lol...I may just let him! Though for me, I feel like I'm "giving up" my fun of Purim and my creative expression at this time.
I do think Purim has gotten out of hand, but if a person knows how to stick to a budget and enjoys the process it's an opportunity of artistic expression. There is no intention of "out doing " the neighbors or applying pressure to others.

amother

Cerulean

Mon, Feb 15 2016, 1:58 pm

Bizzydizzymommy wrote:

There is no reason that you cant still do the challah and dips! I dont understand why this is all or nothing. I commend you for letting your son dress up as he wishes. Write a poem about Purim fun, decorate the dip containers, whatever... but dont you see - it doesnt have to be connected to a scuba theme to be nice and delicious!

Every year I give a pretzel dog and can of soda with a cookie. Its super cheap (chicken hot dogs are cheap!) and people LOVE it. Its our trade mark mm, weve done it for years. Theres no theme other than "heres a snack!". Why does it HAVE to be tied into a theme to be cute and cheap?

Anon because of the specific repetitive mm!

thunderstorm

Mon, Feb 15 2016, 2:06 pm

amother wrote:

I hear you...I guess I feel like I'm repressing my creative side..not exactly sure why I feel that way. But you are right, I can still make the same thing and people would be happy. It's just that honestly I myself dont feel the same joy..perhaps there is something wrong with me embarrassed

watergirl

Mon, Feb 15 2016, 2:07 pm

debsey wrote:

Just curious - did Tova Ross post her question saying she's a journalist looking for help with an article? I'm reading a lot of articles in the Ami and other publications that sound like imamother threads. Does anyone else find this disturbing?

That isnt a new phenomenon here, sadly. People use us for cheap research all the time! Not the most ethical, but ya know... I think, and Yael can correct me if I'm wrong, but there is no copyright infringement as long as there arent direct quotes from here, like that Lakewood magazine issue last year.

amother

Cerulean

Mon, Feb 15 2016, 2:09 pm

Bizzydizzymommy wrote:

Cant you send out the joyful themed mm to YOUR group of friends and leave your kids out of it? Or, make your there mismatched mm, since your family isnt matching this year, and send foods that davka dont go together ! Make a poem about how the purim story is a bunch of random things together and BAMN - you have yourself a mm and the joy that you are seeking. And no kids were "harmed" in the making !