Mishloach Manot - Article

thunderstorm

Mon, Feb 15 2016, 2:18 pm

amother wrote:

Cant you send out the joyful themed mm to YOUR group of friends and leave your kids out of it? Or, make your there mismatched mm, since your family isnt matching this year, and send foods that davka dont go together ! Make a poem about how the purim story is a bunch of random things together and BAMN - you have yourself a mm and the joy that you are seeking. And no kids were "harmed" in the making !

I've done a theme called"themeless" a couple of years ago already...it was cute and the poem was cute. My kids all dressed up according to what they wanted to be...even then I didnt have the same satisfaction as I usually do. Obviously it's MY issue I have to deal with and I'm not going to deprive my kids because of a mishugas I have. I guess I'll have to put my creative focus elsewhere and perhaps this year I'll focus on the depth of Purim's meaning instead...Purim doesnt only mean "fun" and I understand that.

amother

Cerulean

Mon, Feb 15 2016, 2:25 pm

Bizzydizzymommy wrote:

So like I said, cant you still do a theme with out your kids?

thunderstorm

Mon, Feb 15 2016, 2:31 pm

amother wrote:

So like I said, cant you still do a theme with out your kids?

If I wanted to I could...I always did the shalach manos according to the costumes. My DH said that it's time I stop anyway...he feels that we have done this for years and it's ok to stop. I agree with him. But from the creative side of me it's hard that's all...it's something I looked forward to ALL year.
Instead, I'll invest my energy and artistry elsewhere. I'll give a simple shalach manos and I'll make sure to enjoy the day by seeing my children truly happy in the costumes they choose. I will also not have to nudge my DH to dress up either, something he always went along for my sake. And I'll learn that not everything has to go my way. Very Happy

debsey

Mon, Feb 15 2016, 2:37 pm

watergirl wrote:

That isnt a new phenomenon here, sadly. People use us for cheap research all the time! Not the most ethical, but ya know... I think, and Yael can correct me if I'm wrong, but there is no copyright infringement as long as there arent direct quotes from here, like that Lakewood magazine issue last year.

It just feels like - If I'm in the grocery store, telling my friend about something that happened to me, I wouldn't want to have to suspect that the woman on line behind me is going to quote me in a magazine article! Especially the way Tova Ross does it - she says "none of the women were willing to go on the record", as though there's something shameful and she's this hard nosed journalist, courageously exposing it, instead of being an opportunistic eavesdropper who isn't ashamed to basically admit that she's too lazy to do research and unethical enough to eavesdrop and call it journalism.
She basically took an age-old trope "are mishloach manos becoming too excessive?," added in some spice with the whole ridiculous and salacious "Shades of Gray" thing (let's titillate people and make Orthodox Jews look like hypocrites, another favorite trope) and then concluded - absolutely nothing new. I hope she's enjoying her ten cents a word.......

myself

Mon, Feb 15 2016, 2:45 pm

Bizzydizzymommy wrote:

Your MM can still be super creative even if it's not tied in with any costumes. If that's what you enjoy, why deny yourself this creative outlet?

PinkFridge

Mon, Feb 15 2016, 2:49 pm

debsey wrote:

I agree. It was distasteful, ouch and ugly. But true, and thought-provoking.
If she would have used the title because some individual crazy person came up with a 50 Shades theme, that would have stopped me then and there. But there's actually someone with a business out there. I wish Ross wouldn't have gone there but she had what to hang a hat on.

And I'm still curious about the thread, instead of just linking to Imamother (also not cool, if you're reading this, Ms. Ross).

Fox

Mon, Feb 15 2016, 2:57 pm

I found the most thought-provoking element of the article to be the reference to "Martha Stewart Judasim."

The cultural phenomenon that Martha Stewart embodies is a backlash against the post-1950s movement away from "homemaking" as an art and the characterization of home-related tasks as necessary drudgery providing minimal satisfaction to those who perform them.

So how does that resonate with observant Jewish women?

I think Jewish women often get beaten up by the fight between the popular culture to de-legitimize homemaking and the backlash movement that Martha Stewart represents. We recognize the theoretical value of homemaking, but we often can't put our ideals into practice.

For some of us, it's a matter of time: there are only so many hours in the day, and with outside jobs, communal responsibilities, and often large-ish families, there's just no time to elevate homemaking to an art.

For others, it's a matter of personality: We just don't enjoy the tasks involved in homemaking-as-artistry and happily turn over as many of those tasks as possible to others. Rather than be honest about it, we try to brag about how we like to keep things "simple."

Contemporary cultural attitudes toward homemaking; the backlash against those attitudes; the practical limitations (and the fact that no Pinterest idea ever turns out as depicted); our cultural legacies -- put in your food processor with the kugel blade and set on high!

Purim is like the OK Corral of all these conflicts. It's the time when Jewish women can say, "Hey, I may not make all my own bread and challah; I may not make fresh 3-course meals for my family every night and send carefully packed lunches with hot soup every day; I may not grow my own herbs or make gefilte fish from scratch; I may not iron my pillowcases each week; I may not scrub my floors three times a week . . . but gosh darn it, one day a year I'm going to show you what I'm capable of! Bring it on, Martha!"

When all is said and done, one or two friends might remember your amazing theme and execution next Purim. Absolutely nobody will remember it five years from now. So if you have a great idea, go for it. But if you're wracking your brain and feeling pressured to come up with something that will knock everyone's Purim socks off? Don't bother. Instead, go iron your pillowcases or raise carp in your bathtub or whatever floats your boat in the world of homemaking.

Heyaaa

Mon, Feb 15 2016, 3:05 pm

Some people don't get why others do themes. If you don't get it, you shouldn't do a theme. I personally love themes. Depending what is going on any given year, I will or won't do a theme. This year I hope to do a theme but I will see how feasible it is as it gets closer.

Most of the women in my neighborhood buy entirely new wardrobes every year. I think it's ridiculous so I don't. But I do understand that it makes them happy so to each his own.

There is no pressure. If you feel pressure, then you should do some introspection to figure out why you're letting it bother you that other people do themes. If it doesn't make you happy, don't do it. If it does make you happy, then please go ahead and do one.

debsey

Mon, Feb 15 2016, 3:06 pm

Fox wrote:

For me, it's just plain fun. Maybe I'm naturally more creative, but I'm not going to get all hyped up about some hypothetical competition and I'm not going to worry about keeping up with the Cohens. I'm just going to do something cutesy with a poem that all my kids help out with - harmless family fun. No more, no less. I play to my strengths - I'm not the elegant color scheme and perfectly shaped babka sort, so I don't bother trying that. I'm the "cute joke and clearly this family had fun with this " sort of person! If anyone wants to feel superior to me due to my lack of perfectly shaped triple braided challah, so be it. It doesn't have to be a big deal, if you don't let it be.

watergirl

Mon, Feb 15 2016, 3:06 pm

debsey wrote:

Oh - dojt get me wrong - I totally agree with you! And the fact her article was published as is (lazy journalism etc) makes me further question what I read there!

debsey

Mon, Feb 15 2016, 3:09 pm

Heyaaa wrote:

YEP! This, exactly.

zaq

Mon, Feb 15 2016, 3:26 pm

Another argument I take issue with is "Purim is the only time of year I can express my creativity." Seriously? Or is it the only time you can show off your creativity to fifty or more families and score big in the Masha Stewart Stakes?

I dunno. When I had young children, the entire Jewish year had scope for creativity. Whether I was sacrificing the green absorbent paper from my desk blotter to cut out "aravos" , collecting gold foil from fancy chocolates to make gold cherubim for a model Aron (made of a small corrugated carton with shish-kebab skewer poles), spoofing a popular song a la Shlock Rock, or using fabric paint to decorate a plain velvet kippah for ds, there was always something I could do to express my creativity. Of course, most of it was just to decorate our house and entertain the kids, and no one outside the family saw it--which, if you are honestly expressing your creativity for its own sake, is just fine. It's only when your real purpose is to show off your creativity that you run into problems.

Heyaaa

Mon, Feb 15 2016, 3:34 pm

zaq wrote:

I hate to say grow up but seriously why the need to attack.

My oldest is a toddler. She wouldn't appreciate any of those things.

I did decorate my sukkah if that makes you happy. The inside of the sukka, not the outside. I've tried doing creative things for dhs birthday and he couldnt care less.

I also have make artwork for my kids room. Definitely not to show off. No one goes in there besides family.

Why does expressing creativity in a way that others see mean that im doing it to show off. And for those who do it to show off, who cares?!

Raisin

Mon, Feb 15 2016, 5:21 pm

zaq wrote:

I am a member of a facebook kosher recipe sharing group. Every week a few people post pictures of their parsha themed desserts they have made for shabbos. I'm too busy making homemade challa to do such things but I guess they are definitely being creative.