I hate Purim cards!

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Forum -> Yom Tov / Holidays -> Purim

I hate Purim cards!

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chicco

Thu, Mar 03 2016, 9:42 pm

amother wrote:

What if you receive 50 m"m?

To me, it's unacceptable to not give a m"m to someone who brings one to you.

So you have to make hundreds to make sure you have enough? Or when you run out do you refuse to accept from anyone that comes to deliver one?

ruchelbuckle

Thu, Mar 03 2016, 9:55 pm

yamz wrote:

If you do choose to send a card though, I will view it as half-hearted. Like, you sort of felt obligated, but I wasn't important enough for you to really bother.

Tzedakkah is a wonderful thing. Please, everybody, give all you can, because there are so many families and organizations who desperately need funds. But we can't catch up on each others lives, or share a joke, or see each others kids over a postcard that arrived in the mailbox two days before Purim.

Oh my, I am with MerryMom and yamz on this one. I hate Purim cards. They say to me exactly what Yamz said above: "I feel obligated, but it's not that important to me to really bother."

I also (gasp) don't do big/interesting/themed or many mishloach manor. I don't give my close friends (they know I like them). I don't give our shul Rov or Local rabbonim (they probably won't eat from my house anyway) and I don't use mishloach manos as a form of hakaras hatov for people who have done chessed for me over the year. I give out a few to people where I feel the relationship could use strengthening or to people who I guess feel lonely.

When I was in a new city, and trying so hard to make friends, a new friend said, "I only give mishloach manos to people on my block. Everyone else gets a Purim card"-- it made me feel really lousy. I dont remember exactly why, but I felt like crying. I think I felt like what Yamz said: you feel obligated to give me something, but I am not worth the effort/time/expense of a package.

It was a long time ago. I'm over it now. Smile

amother

Scarlet

Thu, Mar 03 2016, 11:04 pm

chicco wrote:

So you have to make hundreds to make sure you have enough? Or when you run out do you refuse to accept from anyone that comes to deliver one?

Pp wrote that if making 50 is too stressful, don't make so many.

If you're pretty certain that you'll be receiving 50, then imo you need to make 50.

amother

Mauve

Thu, Mar 03 2016, 11:45 pm

yamz wrote:

Quote:

The POINT is to send mishloach Manos. The POINT is not to personalize it to each person. Some people send different types of mishloach Manos to different "levels of friend" (sorry, can't think of a nicer way to phrase it) but many people don't. So they won't not send you junk if you don't have kids, and they won't send you 10 fruit by the foots just because you have 10 kids.

The POINT is to spread friendship and good feelings, not to say, "Here, I really couldn't be bothered...., you're just not that important to me, so here's some random junk." I don't expect people to make a different type of parcel for each recipient, but come on.... I make mine mostly the same, but I will swap out items that are inappropriate for certain recipients. If you were giving everybody a bottle of grape juice and rolls, but had a gluten free friend, would you still give this to her? Would you give a candy platter to your diabetic aunt? If you really can't be bothered to do it properly, then I think it's better not to give at all. Oh, and I think it's awful to make "different levels" of mishloach manos.

What is wrong with levels. Dhs Rebbeim/rav get a certain level, Morahs and teachers get a level. Dhs boss gets different. Friends and siblings all get the same (except for gf family and diabetic aunt which we have both)

teddyb

Thu, Mar 03 2016, 11:59 pm

chicco wrote:

So you have to make hundreds to make sure you have enough? Or when you run out do you refuse to accept from anyone that comes to deliver one?

I know a few people that make X amount and then have extra labels and bags. then when someone comes after they run out they pull two foods out of the ones they got already to give. toss it into the bag, slap on the label and viola a mm to return.

I dont think cards are that horrible. Purim isnt that long a day. people have many stops they have to make and its hard to get to everyone. but they feel bad giving nothing so its a way to let someone know you were thinking of them. I think the cards are fine. Im thinking about you, I have to many stops to make. lets try to get together another time. There are shuls and schools that have MM that you can chip in (also as a fundraiser), I guess thats "better" but the ones I have seen cost more per a name then what I spend on one regular mm to most of my family and friends.

amother

Taupe

Fri, Mar 04 2016, 12:15 am

I really do not want other peoples food. I try to eat healthy, and I am mindful of what I eat. Getting MM to me means trying to figure out what to do with stuff I really do not want. I've also gotten MM on plates that are not disposable. I am not a fancy person by any means, but what am I to do with one random blue plate that I got last year. A card works for me.

Anon in case you plan on bringing me a MM on Purim. I will try and thank you properly for your effort.

Ema of 5

Fri, Mar 04 2016, 10:16 am

chicco wrote:

So you have to make hundreds to make sure you have enough? Or when you run out do you refuse to accept from anyone that comes to deliver one?

I also try to give everyone who comes to me, even if they were not on my list. I make some extra (not a crazy amount, maybe like 5-10) and then I repurpose stuff I got from other people. I start unpacking as soon as they start coming in, and I make my own from what we were given. They go in nice bags, and that's that.

Ema of 5

Fri, Mar 04 2016, 10:21 am

amother wrote:

I wrote originally about the different levels. I wasn't referring to rebbeim/Moros/boss. I was referring to the people who make different levels for "different levels of friends."

Fox

Fri, Mar 04 2016, 12:37 pm

The "in lieu of" element is the part that is a bit obnoxious.

There's no relationship between the obligation to give tzeddekah and the obligation to give mishloach manos. One can't be "in lieu of" the other.

In fact, I find it kind of comedic, and when I receive these cards, I like to think of other ways I can do what I want "in lieu of" what is less appealing:

Quote:

"The kitchen is a mess, but in lieu of cleaning it, I'm going to take a nap."

"In lieu of finishing a project at work, I'm going out for lunch with a friend."

"I think I'll spend the weekend in Miami in lieu of visiting my MIL."

You might infer that I'm opposed to "in lieu of" cards. Not at all! They're a lovely idea. Admittedly, I've never received one that actually makes sense, such as:

Quote:

"In lieu of purchasing the Lexus he wanted, Mr. GotBucks purchased a Honda and has given the difference to charity in your honor."

"Thank you for your contribution to Yeshivas Vilde Chai. In lieu of dragging you out on a weeknight for a boring event featuring overcooked chicken, we will have pizza delivered for you and your family. Put your feet up and read a good book!"

"This year's science fair is canceled. In lieu of this event, your children will be learning science in class and you will be exempt from spending $12 at OfficeMax to buy one of those folding presentation boards."

Now, in all fairness, I notice that a lot of organizations have removed the "in lieu of" language from their pre-printed cards.

So now what we're left with is the Jewish equivalent of an illegibly-signed x-mas card tied inexplicably to a tax-deductible contribution. Kind of impersonal but perhaps for the best. Suggesting something more personal might lead to Purim newsletters in which families lie to an extended circle of acquaintances about how great their lives are. That's what Facebook is for.

Nevertheless, Purim is a nice time to be in touch with all the people we don't see on a regular basis. Therefore, I would suggest that people who want take that opportunity do the following: Sit down with nice stationery and a pen. Compose a nice note telling your friends that you're thinking of them and wishing them a freiliche Purim. Sign your name, fold it into an envelope, rummage around for a stamp, trot out to the nearest mailbox, and drop it in.

Otherwise, Purim cards are about as considerate and meaningful as the carefully de-Christianized "holiday" cards sent in December by the car dealership where we bought our minivan.

amother

Mistyrose

Fri, Mar 04 2016, 1:18 pm

Hate them. Yoohoo, you gave tzedoka, good for you, don't make it about me.

amother

Slategray

Fri, Mar 04 2016, 1:24 pm

Every year my parents MM poem begins

"We profer these treats,
A Purim tradition,
In lieu of a card
From a local institution."

I think it is cute, but I also believe in cards. Not that it replaces MM, but that instead of making extra MM, they gave that money to tzadaka.

Fri, Mar 04 2016, 2:13 pm

For everyone who "hates:" do you also get huffy when someone makes a donation in your honor for life cycle events or celebratory occasions?

amother

Mauve

Fri, Mar 04 2016, 2:18 pm

I never realized this was such a heated topic!!!
Gosh id rather know someone gave tzedaka than gave me candy that well throw out. I keep next to nothing from MM. Its a waste. You thought of me. You didnt double park in front of my house and give me popcorn and taffy. You didnt wrap up dozens of baskets. You only have to give 1.
You did something meaningful. I am glad to be the cause of your giving tzedaka. Thanks for the zechus!!!

amother

Aubergine

Fri, Mar 04 2016, 2:41 pm

cm wrote:

For everyone who "hates:" do you also get huffy when someone makes a donation in your honor for life cycle events or celebratory occasions?

I get disappointed except in the case of death.

zaq

Fri, Mar 04 2016, 4:54 pm

[quote="Fox"]

[quote][I]"In lieu of purchasing the Lexus he wanted, Mr. GotBucks purchased a Honda and has given the difference to charity in your honor."

/quote]

I actually attended a simcha at which cards on the table stated that in lieu of buying flower centerpieces, the baalei hasimcha donated the cost of flowers to some tzedaka or other. I thought it was a fabulous idea.

amother

Maroon

Fri, Mar 04 2016, 5:26 pm

I remember being at a friend's house over Purim before I was married and the mother who was making MMs said to her daughter, "I'm going to give all of my friends these fancy MMs except for Chani who I will give a cheapy one to because last year she sent a card instead of giving us a real MM." I thought that was really immature.
Personally, I would be happy either way. It's not the gift that matters. The fact that you thought of us means a lot.
Anon in case that was any of you card haters.

Ruchel

Sat, Mar 05 2016, 3:19 pm

[quote="zaq"][quote="Fox"]

Quote:

[I]"In lieu of purchasing the Lexus he wanted, Mr. GotBucks purchased a Honda and has given the difference to charity in your honor."

/quote]

I actually attended a simcha at which cards on the table stated that in lieu of buying flower centerpieces, the baalei hasimcha donated the cost of flowers to some tzedaka or other. I thought it was a fabulous idea.

TACKY to me. I don't get this. Tzedaka is best left unmentionned. And not on someone's back.

Merrymom

Sun, Mar 13 2016, 9:32 pm

So it's not just me. I was starting to feel lonely here.

greenfire

Sun, Mar 13 2016, 9:40 pm

you are not alone ~ I hate purim cards too & I agree with your reasoning

shoshana2

Sun, Mar 13 2016, 11:39 pm

I don't like getting cards either. It's like a big cop out. I would rather get nothing. It makes me feel stupid to give a prepared meshloach manos and get a $1 card in return.

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