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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Manners & Etiquette
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amother
Lemon
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 Tue, Mar 15 2016, 5:21 pm
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I feel like it's a very personal question and don't like being asked. Several people asked me today (our state has it's primary today) and I was taken aback. Maybe I'm extra sensitive about it this particular year because I don't even want to admit who I voted for, with all options being lousy in my opinion. But even if I was excited about my vote, I still feel like it's personal and something not to go around randomly asking people. Your thoughts?
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cnc
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Tue, Mar 15 2016, 5:22 pm
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I would not have assumed that it's a personal question.
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jade
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Tue, Mar 15 2016, 5:35 pm
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I would not take it as nosy or ill-willed, unless the asker has a previous history of trying to get me into political arguments.
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Ema of 5
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Tue, Mar 15 2016, 5:39 pm
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I think it's just a conversation maker, like "where do your kids go to school?" or "what are your plans for pesach?"
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Rutabaga
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Tue, Mar 15 2016, 5:45 pm
There is a reason that voting booths have privacy screens or curtains. You are entitled to vote for whomever you wish without anyone looking over your shoulder. It is a private decision unless you choose to discuss it.
IMHO, it is definitely rude to ask outright who someone voted for. I don't think it's rude to ask if you voted at all or to begin a discussion about political candidates that allows you to disclose your voting habits if you wish to do so.
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amother
Navy
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Tue, Mar 15 2016, 5:49 pm
Do you find it different than someone asking you, "Which candidate do you think will be the best leader for America?" Are politics something you discuss with other people in general? Just asking out of curiosity.
Eta: I do think asking straight out who someone voted for is considered rude, I'm just wondering why since people will freely discuss politics.
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youngishbear
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Tue, Mar 15 2016, 5:52 pm
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I always knew it was considered rude in American culture but not so in my circles.
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FranticFrummie
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Tue, Mar 15 2016, 5:56 pm
My parents credit their nearly 50 years of marriage on the fact that they never told each other who they were voting for, or even discussed the issue. Mom was a hard core Democrat, and my dad is a die hard Republican.
It's no wonder I turned out a centrist Libertarian!
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Bsimcha
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Tue, Mar 15 2016, 6:34 pm
I don't see the big deal! If you don't want to answer, don't. Most people in my circles discuss politics, so it's usually obvious who they're voting for.
Usually random people don't ask, that might be rude.
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spring13
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Tue, Mar 15 2016, 6:50 pm
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It's not so polite. Not the worst thing, but not cool especially if the asker is inclined to bother people who voted for someone else. I'd be pretty uncomfortable if most of my frum neighbors asked me that question, because I'm pretty liberal politically and the average frum Jew is not. I avoid talking politics with the vast majority of the people in my life.
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BrachaBatya
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Tue, Mar 15 2016, 6:51 pm
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Yes, it's rude to ask this.
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amother
Cerise
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Tue, Mar 15 2016, 6:53 pm
| spring13 wrote: | | It's not so polite. Not the worst thing, but not cool especially if the asker is inclined to bother people who voted for someone else. I'd be pretty uncomfortable if most of my frum neighbors asked me that question, because I'm pretty liberal politically and the average frum Jew is not. I avoid talking politics with the vast majority of the people in my life. |
Same!
And when people keeping asking me and I finally tell them my voting choice-
"But how can you vote for -insert democrat- when they -insert story they read in the Yated or Hamodia-? They're so immoral..."
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youngishbear
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Tue, Mar 15 2016, 7:00 pm
| amother wrote: | Same!
And when people keeping asking me and I finally tell them my voting choice-
"But how can you vote for -insert democrat- when they -insert story they read in the Yated or Hamodia-? They're so immoral..." |
Yes!!
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agreer
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Tue, Mar 15 2016, 7:12 pm
I've always been told it's rude to talk to ask about age, religion, and politics.
I wouldn't ask someone who she voted for, and I would not answer someone about who I voted for unless we were very close.
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shoshanim999
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Tue, Mar 15 2016, 7:50 pm
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For the most part its rude with the exception of a few close friends. I know when my best friend gets her period, when she goes to the mikva, when she's in a bad mood and when she's in a fight with her husband. With someone like that I can ask who did you vote for. Otherwise it's rude.
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3mitzvos
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Wed, Mar 16 2016, 3:31 am
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I don't think it's a rude question, but I also understand/respect the decision not to answer.
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salt
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Wed, Mar 16 2016, 3:43 am
| cm wrote: | | Not done. Ever. |
Completely untrue in Israel.
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DrMom
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Wed, Mar 16 2016, 5:16 am
| salt wrote: | | Completely untrue in Israel. |
Which doesn't mean it isn't rude... 
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imasinger
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Wed, Mar 16 2016, 6:08 am
I don't think "rude" is the right term, because there are so few secular cultural norms compared to 100 years ago.
Some people consider it rude, and others, a topic of conversation.
But these days, when the intimate details of gall bladder surgery or IF treatments can be shared at the water cooler, what is normal?
More to the point is what to say if/when you are asked who you voted for. Because calling someone rude is rude in itself.
Maybe, "oh, I am too depressed this year to discuss politics." Or, "I don't discuss my vote, but I sure wish there were better options."
Something that maintains personal limits while acknowledging the common bond.
And people who ask this generally really want to talk about themselves, so if you are willing to tolerate the ensuing monologue, you can always say, "it was so hard to decide this year; who did YOU vote for?" And then listen and nod.
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