Help with Consequences

FranticFrummie

Wed, Jun 08 2016, 9:09 am

DD used to have a rather tenuous grasp of the truth. I never said that she was "lying", because that is serious business.

Instead I would say "Are you telling me a story, or did that really happen?" and "I think that is a story." It worked really well, without as much blaming and shaming. Sometimes I had to call her out, and say "If I call Susie's mom, will she say the same thing?" or "Do I need to call the school and check on that?" She would retract and correct herself every time she knew I was onto her.

I also told her "If you tell the truth is will be a tiny bit mad, but if I find out this was a story, I will be really BIG mad." I always thanked her for correcting her story and telling the truth, and told her that I know it was hard to be brave. Then we could discuss what consequences are.

I would often say "If you were the mommy, and your kid did this, what do you think you should do?" Almost always, she would come up with a very logical consequence that was proportionate. Sometimes she would suggest a punishment that was too severe, and I would say, "Well, since you told the truth, instead of a week of being grounded, how about just 2 days?" This helped immensely.

All of this was happening between the ages of 5 through 8, and keeping the conversation open made the process so much easier.

greenfire

Wed, Jun 08 2016, 9:11 am

there are a lot of things to ponder ... first off put a gate on the window & your problem is solved - that is your parental obligation & would be a legal obligation if you were a landlord to families with young children

I too was adventurous and liked to climb roofs, trees, etc. & I'm still alive to tell the tales

as a mother I assure you definitely showing them what the end result could entail should put a hindrance on their future climbing ... I have showed kids dead squirrels in the street, helped them touch hot ovens quickly to show 'hot' and have thrown tomatoes out the window to show how they get squashed as they hit the ground [remember the commercial with the egg as a brain & here is your brain on crack with said egg frying]

as for the lying - how about just leaving it ... and simply saying 'sonny boy - I appreciate when you tell the truth' simple & potent - leaving the trust within him because the fear of punishment makes the mind go wild & misbehave even more & my belief is that in time he will see that it is much easier to tell the truth

good luck !!!

amother

Mustard

Wed, Jun 08 2016, 11:37 am

amother wrote:

I think showing them videos of people who fall off the roof might be a good idea. Maybe taking them to a rehab center for people who are partially paralyzed might also work.

Please don't even consider this. Those are people injured and getting medical help, not a circus for your amusement or a teaching lesson. How do you think that would make them feel? Would you point at a person in a wheelchair, too?