What to do now? | Imamother

amother

Violet

Tue, Jul 05 2016, 9:41 pm

I've recently caught my almost 9 year old daughter touching self. I tried to talk to her , but she quickly got embarrassed, angry and shut down. truth is, I thought I had plenty of time before I needed to have "the talk" with her. So I'm coming here for advice, what should I tell her? is "the wonder of being you too mature for her? is it too much information?
my daughter is brilliant and mature for her age.

amother

Silver

Tue, Jul 05 2016, 10:16 pm

amother wrote:

The wonder of you does not address this, so it would not be helpful.

amother

Ecru

Tue, Jul 05 2016, 10:34 pm

When our daughter discovered herself, at first my husband came down on her hard with, "it's not allowed". I got LIVID and forced him to go ask a big Rav whether it's allowed for GIRLS. He said yes. I am not paskening for you, of course. I also called my womderful Kallah teacher who said "great, she found it. Just make sure she understands not to do it when there is company around." (At 9, I am sure your daughter is old enough to understand that.)

I got her both the "wonder of becoming you" and "what's happening to my body, book for girls" (read through both myself first). She has been rereading both for YEARS! (Oh, I did make sure that the books were kept private, where her younger brothers and/or her friends would not see it. I also told her she cannot show the books to any friends visiting, because they have to ask their mothers whether they let or not.)

Your daughter reached a major, wonderful milestone, and you were caught unprepared: please try to orient yourself and get guidance (ideally, both Halakhic and from experienced parents) on how to react in the best possible way. Hatzlacha!

amother

Firebrick

Tue, Jul 05 2016, 10:35 pm

Even very young children will touch themselves. It is a normal part of child development and self-discovery, and has nothing to do with "the talk"! If she is doing it in public, tell her that is a private behaviour. If she was doing it in private, MYOB. Of course she was embarrassed!