How do you know if your therapist is good?

peanut butter c

Wed, Nov 02 2016, 9:02 am

amother wrote:

I knew my therapist was good because he was experienced and successful. I knew he was a right fit for me because he was consistent, structured, and strict, and I value those qualities.

Can you explain what you mean when you say the therapist was strict? How was he strict? Were there punishments involved if you didn't comply with whatever he asked you to do? If that was the case then how did he punish you and why do you feel like that was therapeutic for you?

amother

Cyan

Wed, Nov 02 2016, 9:05 am

peanut butter c wrote:

No punishments involved.
He was just strict. He did not bend. He stayed consistent with his goal and his methods. When I said I felt too anxious to try something he said, "Trust me and try it" and moved on. There was no more discussion on the topic. He expected me to comply and I did. Later on, there was no reassurance to "trust" because it was implied that I should have already developed that concept and not need to be reminded of it. I am also the type of person that is not afraid to take a leap of faith and jump so he may have been playing off of that. I know that method would not work for everyone, but it was appropriate for me and Baruch Hashem really helped me with my anxiety and self confidence.

peanut butter c

Wed, Nov 02 2016, 9:37 am

amother wrote:

I was always under the impression that a therapist is supposed to help you figure out why you feel anxious about doing things and then help you develop coping skills to overcome the anxiety so that you can do things on your own without relying on anyone. In your case, it seems like it was just an authority figure telling the little girl what to do and expecting her to comply without any regard to her feelings about it. Kind of like a parent or teacher telling a child what to do and expecting full compliance.
I don't see how that kind of therapy could be helpful to anyone in the long run. I mean, what happens when you leave this therapy, do you have the skills you need to help you overcome anxiety to do what you need to do without anyone telling you to just trust them and do it? Do you continue to see this therapist forever so that you have an authority figure telling you what to do or do you rely on other people to tell you to just do things as a way to deal with your anxiety about doing it?

amother

Aquamarine

Wed, Nov 02 2016, 9:45 am

I see finding a good therapist a bit like a shidduch. Either it the chemistry is fine and you can work together or not.
I have seen a few therapists at diff stages in my life. And some I didnt like. Sometimes the therapy doesn't do very much bec we are not in the right place at that time to be able to work through certain things. I can hear now years later what one of my therapists meant when she said xyz.
I had one very good therapist who moved away just as I was going thru a major life change. It was very hard ...but obviously bashert for some reason. It took me time to get on and find another one. When I got one finally I used to leave her sessions crying for my previous therapist. Until I realised that I had to do something else rather than mourn my Therapist I was so close to.
And this is what I did:
I sat down and reviewed my sessions I had with my previous therapist. Her approach and how she made me tick and helped me. E.g. helping me to express my innermost feelings which needed working on. A very difficult thing and not just practical things. And obviously I didn't get that from the new one which I brought up at the next session. She changed her approach then and things for better.

Knowing what has worked in the past helps and usually good Therapists have no problem with discussing it or they can't be good as their aim is to help their client.

Wishing you good luck with finding the right person!!

suzyq

Wed, Nov 02 2016, 10:22 am

peanut butter c wrote:

There are many different approaches to therapy and some of them are very authoritative. Each one is not a good fit for everyone, but usually helpful to some people, as it sounds like it was to the poster.

amother

Cyan

Wed, Nov 02 2016, 1:31 pm

peanut butter c wrote:

Not at all. Those exercises helped me develop the necessary self confidence in order to feel good, it helped me develop security to not feel anxious, etc. It wasn't the therapist controlling me, but the therapist pushing me to develop skills that I needed. It's a valid approach and was helpful to me although it may not be helpful for everyone.

peanut butter c

Sun, Nov 06 2016, 7:28 am

suzyq wrote:

I understand that there are different types of parenting approaches I.e. authoritative, permissive, etc. and that some approaches are better than others. But I don't understand how an authoritative approach could work in therapy with adult clients. It's like the therapist is the "parent" and client is the "child" but that would only encourage the client to become dependent on the therapist instead of learning how to come up with solutions independently with some help and guidance from the therapist.
This "authoritative" approach seems antithetical to what therapy should be like. What kind of therapist would take this approach and what (scientific) technique are they using? And how does it help the client become independent and learn how to do things deal with things on their own in the long run without anyone telling them what to do?