Movie/TV standards

amother

Indigo

Mon, Jan 02 2017, 10:24 am

We watch tv and movies but are pretty strict about what we'll allow. I always do a search on Common Sense Media before making a decision about a movie or show. While I will occasionally allow a child to watch something that CSM says is for a year or two older (for instance, if the main concern is scariness but I know a particular child is not easily scared) I do find them to be really spot on in their guidelines, so if they say something is for older, then I will not let them watch before the recommended age or even a bit later. I understand I can't have this control over things forever, but my oldest is 5 so I feel I still have a few years where I can keep doing things this way.
Anyway, the 5 year old recently had a playdate and was shown a movie that according to CSM is for 7+. The rating is based mostly on consumerism (this is one of those movies that's based on a particular toy) and I'm not particularly concerned about that, so no harm no foul. But shouldn't parents ask the other parents before showing kids a movie? I thought that was standard at this age. I always ask. I am in a very mixed community, some families here don't allow TV and movies at all, and then clearly many of us have differing standards when it comes to specifics, so shouldn't it be common courtesy to ask? Should I just make sure to bring it up before playdates, please run movie choices by me first? Also, until what age is it ok to check in?

shabbatiscoming

Mon, Jan 02 2017, 10:37 am

I have never had a parent ask if my child can watch. It was just done. I think if you live in a community where there are tvs you have to assume that this can and will happen. If you dont want your child to watch then you have to make sure they dont go to someone's home that has a tv.
And I dont think it is an age thing. My child has been playing with friends since the age of 3. I was never asked about watching shows. It was either done or not, but never run past me.

shabbatiscoming

Mon, Jan 02 2017, 11:18 am

flowerpower wrote:

Why would they watch a movie on a playdate? Playdate= having company and interacting with another kid. Not sticking them in front of a screen.

Sometimes kids may ask if they can watch a show with a friend. What is wrong with that?
My daughter used to watch peppa pig or sofia or berenstain bears with friends. Nothing terrible at all.

gp2.0

Mon, Jan 02 2017, 11:37 am

flowerpower wrote:

Why would they watch a movie on a playdate? Playdate= having company and interacting with another kid. Not sticking them in front of a screen.

Totally agree. But while that's one of my rules that I stick to in my home, I accept that I have no control over what they'll do at other people's houses.

I trust the parents, hope for the best, and if they see something I'd rather they didn't, it goes into the "real world exposure" category. Meaning we shouldn't shelter/helicopter our kids forever and eventually they'll be exposed to things, little by little, in the real world and that's okay. That's how kids develop tolerance and flexibility.

rachel6543

Mon, Jan 02 2017, 11:47 am

I see no problem in speaking up with the other parent before a play date. Just explain you are careful in what videos your child watches and please check with you before putting a video on. When my son was little he was super sensitive (and can still be) about certain things and I discussed that with other parents before a play date. Parents have always been respectful of my request.

amother

Indigo

Mon, Jan 02 2017, 11:47 am

Depends on the length of a playdate. 1 or 2 hours I do not allow watching anything, but longer (especially if it's a day off from school) I'm totally ok with it. I watch movies with my friends or my husband as a way of spending time together, why would it be weird for my kids to sometimes spend time with their friends that way? But content can be a tricky thing. I'm all for exposure to things, but there's a limit. How would you feel if, say, your 8 year old watched 16 Candles at friend's house? (yes, that happened to me, my mom was livid and we weren't even frum then)

mommy3b2c

Mon, Jan 02 2017, 11:49 am

I don't ask before letting my childrens friends watch, because I know that all the kids watch the same things- Star Wars. But... I can hear your point. My son went on a play date at age 5 and came home very frightened from watching power rangers. I was a bit surprised that the mom didn't run it by me first because power rangers is clearly quite violent and can be scary for a 5 year old. Had she showed him Thomas or peppa pig, I would not have expected her to ask me first.

Mon, Jan 02 2017, 11:57 am

I live in a mixed community.

We did have a TV when we were in the playdate stage of family life, but didn't have it on very much. We were more likely to put on a video (this was in the VHS and early DVD days, so no issues about streaming, which is more similar to broadcast TV in terms of access to undesirable content). IME, kids might like to see a video together if the play date was very long, but it wasn't the main event.

We permitted clean, adult-approved shows. We trusted other parents' judgement on this when our child was visiting other people, although the choices at other people's houses were not always the choices we would make for ourselves.

Sometimes parents would request no TV/computer when arranging play dates if they were concerned about it. Some parents with TVs would ask if it's ok to watch, if they thought the other parents might have an opinion.

There were no real rules but adults can work these things out. As far as until what age, it depends. For us, the issue became moot as kids outgrew the video stage, but we made strict rules about internet games when that became the thing to do with friends.