Hakaras hatov v Ayin Hara

amother

Ruby

Mon, Jan 30 2017, 1:53 pm

From the other thread.

How do you balance showing hakaras hatov of Hashem's chessed w/o boasting and thereby bringing ayin hara?

If I tell someone I had a gebenched kind of day, and say BH for that, and I hope you also receive bracha - is that good enough?

I'm not talking about obvious stuff like massive financial rewards which should probably always be kept quiet, but more like other nin material things.

chicco

Mon, Jan 30 2017, 2:24 pm

I don't understand how showing hakaras hatov would cross over into boasting.

Telling someone about your good fortune is not an expression of hakaras hatov. Privatelt thanking Hashem is. Showing Hashem your appreciatuin in action is. Unless the reason you are sharing at all is to say, hodu laHashem ki tov, listen to the chesed Hashem did for me today in an effort to publicize Hashem's goodness, not the fact that you were the beneficiary.

amother

Ruby

Mon, Jan 30 2017, 2:43 pm

chicco wrote:

..... Unless the reason you are sharing at all is to say, hodu laHashem ki tov, listen to the chesed Hashem did for me today in an effort to publicize Hashem's goodness, not the fact that you were the beneficiary.

Yes I mean exactly this. EG if someone says for BH the morning rush hour went smoothly for a change - is that ok?

Flip side question - am I guilty, by adding"for a change" of insulting Hashem and the mornings He sometimes gives me/

chicco

Mon, Jan 30 2017, 2:57 pm

That statement is not an expression of hakaras hatov. You're sharing information and choosing to acknowledge Hashem at the same time. A true expression of Hakaras hatov is a statement whose sole purpose is to express your gratutude. In the example you just gave, you are sharing that traffic was good that day. And you added as a side, "which I can attribute to Gd (because everything comes from Him)."

That is different from, "Hashem did such a kindness for me today and there was no traffic!"

Everything Hashem does is a kindness. Obviously sometimes it is much more obvious than others.

Saying "for a change" is not an "insult" to Gd. It is a statement of fact. Usually there is traffic, today there isn't.

Stick to this rule, if you are commenting what you are as a true expression of HH, for the sake of HH and no other reason, you can't go wrong.

amother

Ruby

Tue, Jan 31 2017, 1:02 am

So I've been wondering if I should reply to this. It took me a while to work out what you were talking about. You see for you "rush hour" meant traffic. But for me it was all about, did my kids get out of the house without too much drama that morning.

Then I guess - do I define"drama"?

If they did - BH

If they didn't - also BH? Except I'm not on that level. So..... MY FAULT.

salt

Tue, Jan 31 2017, 1:12 am

People also say "bli ayin hara" (kein ayna hora" - or however it goes in Yiddish) -
when mentioning something particularly good happened to you.
Kind of to balance out the mentioning the goodness with suppressing the ayin hara, I guess.

chicco

Thu, Feb 02 2017, 2:07 pm

It was just an example. The principle is the same. If you are sharing something as a complete expression of hakaras hatov, nothing more or less, I don't think you need to worry about eyin hara.

If you are sharing to share, say bli eyin hara and bh.

It's not that people on a ' higher' level say thank you to Hashem for the 'bad' things too. It's more that they have an awareness that the 'bad' was from Hashem and they trust that it is good, even if they don't see it yet.

I don't think you need to fake it till you make it. Maybe keeping it in mind will help with your general awareness, but if we truly feel Hashem is making something hard for us, I don't think we are mechuyav to thank Him. I don't think it is possible to genuinely accomplish that. We should however be quick to thank Him for the things we do appreciate easily.

cheeseaddict

Thu, Feb 02 2017, 2:18 pm

I think the best way to do it is to be very selective about who you mention things to.
The best people to tell are your husband and kids (and aside from a really good chinuch moment, kids LOVE hearing about your day and it encourages them to speak about theirs).
Also, you should know your friends well enough to know who will be upset at hearing you have gotten a promotion/inheritance/etc. and who will fargin you.
This is not a judgement against them, just some people are going through harder times than others, and I wouldn't want to rub good fortune in the face of a friend who is currently going through a hard time in that area.

amother

Ruby

Thu, Feb 02 2017, 2:35 pm

cheeseaddict wrote:

You are 100% right and I think I do this anyway.

.......
A very strange thing seems to happened. When I posted this question it was really bothering me. Like I was really worried about it. But now it feels like the answer is really obvious, and has always been really obvious, that I don't even know why I asked it. Very strange.